A Collaborative Play

Vezquex, Daodos, Tenshimaru, and Friends and the Expo of Doom.

Presented by 128-Bit Theatre

Gaze upon the earth that cradles us dear,
Where the noble gamers live life in fear,
Where droves of undead ilk roam the streets.

A band of strange nerdy friends should suffice,
Who are crazy and like to roll the dice,
Pull off sweet moves and death-defying feats.

And though we may squabble in times of gloom,
Our motions are fluid: *throws*, *slices*, KABOOM.
We will trudge on, fighting for random treats.

Oh! To sail through the sky in our Wii-shaped balloon,
Sunset fading to an orange half moon.
On the edge of doom, my noble heart beats.


It started as a post, a bad one at that, then one day became a legend. The story of brave warriors unfolds before your eyes in a brilliant piece of dramatic fiction. Join our heroes as they embark on an epic journey spanning the world over.


This is not meant to be read with an analytical point of view. You may not understand our humor, but you have to respect the fact that we all came together to do something great. What makes this close and special to us is that it's ours.


DDaodosA dude with an oversized potato peeler
VVezquexTechno Ninja Extraordinaire
MMikeagunThe ESP Hacker
TTenshimaruThe Lost Samurai
HHamster of DoomA coconut-obsessed mascot
BBrilleA dashing gentlemen from the future that wears shades
ZZoomerA stimulant junkie.
CatCatgirlDaodos's waitress and sidekick
CThe Cell ProcessorThe schizophrenic brain of a doomed console
WSir Winston ChurchillObligatory anachronism, dear friend of FDR
JTJack ThompsonEvil lawyer, enemy of games
LLaserA misunderstood laser beam

Chapter 1 by Daodos

My profile...it pwns all joo haxors... ^_^ WOOT!
I am slowly becoming a god with the Revolution on GameFaqs, and I rule this forum!!! Try and stop me!!!!!!!!! *gets homerowed* Oww...Who the hell did that? I know it was my mortal enemy.......... myself.........

Kneeling, with arms raised in the air, Daodos gazes into the stormy sky.

DAMN YOU ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chapter 2 by Vezquex

Now you are getting the idea of Babble, complete and utter nonsense. *FWOOSH* What was that? I think we are under attack. We are!

C:\> Vezquex steps to the left.

Chapter 3 by Daodos

Daodos: You're right!
EGAD! HOLLY UNHOLY NUN WIELDING SCYTHE DOLPHINS, VEZMAN! We're being attacked by fanboys. HURRY, get my anti-fanboy spray, AKA the n00bilizer.
Ahh! They're too much. Must...use...evil...power. I SHALL DEFEAT YOU!

2 minutes later...
Vezquex: Wow, that was interesting—killing all of them that quickly with the word "n00b".
D: Yes, for we are the knights who say, "n00b!"
Others: n00b!, n00b! n00b!

A laser beam wanders over, just passing through, and sears Daodos. It was later discovered that the culprit was a robotic bear with chain saws for arms. Go figure.
D: I don't think I'll make it. Tell my girlfriend I love her, and make sure my tombstone says "Guitar Hero"...Ughhhhhh... *dead*...X__X
V: Wait, he didn't have a girlfriend, or did he mean his brainwashed catgirl army?

THE END... for now?
</what's in my head>
That is an example of a super power of mine, my brain is like this, it's how you say I think, as well as why I talk to myself, and I am severely paranoid. (Don't forget the chronic nightmares I have... of which this is one.)

Chapter 4 by Vezquex

...and make sure my tombstone says "Guitar Hero"...Ughhhhhh... *dead*...X__X

D: Well, that certainly shut their blow holes.
V: Yeah, it looks like those nuns they were wielding just got accepted to heaven.
D: Wait, "HOLLY UNHOLY NUN WIELDING SCYTHE DOLPHINS VEZMAN!" was just an exclamation, we were actually engaging in vague, ethereal combat with fanboys.
V: Oh, uh, heheh, I was just testing you, and you passed!
D: HOLLY HOLY NEIL DIAMOND TECHNO, Von Chex. There's still one left, and it looks like he's gone vampire or emo or something.
FanBoy: RAAARQWR! Me pwn. Me eat brains to get smart to get job to afford PS3.
V: Well that was a stretch.

They step to the left, no, the right, wait, the left. An oncoming E3 trailer overstimulates FanBoy.

FanBoy: (faintly) You haven't seen the last of me. There will be other expos. I'll afford that god machine yet. *collapses*

Chapter 5 by Daodos

And with that, they realized that there is truth to what the fanboy said: If there were no game expos, life would be better. No secrets would be revealed, so every release would become surprise. You'd go to the store, and say to yourself, "WOW, A ZELDA GAME," having no previous warning. But, to do this they would first have to destroy the websites and message boards inhabited by the fanboys. However, they decided killing the Vezquex Forums wasn't worth it and went about until...

D: ... I feel itchy... And why did I come back after dying so dramatically?
V: Well, I did have a phoenix down, and all the bear did was take away 50 HP...
D: I see, well then who do we attack first?... Hmmm...
V: How about E3. It's just starting today...
D: Great idea boy blunder!
V: I was overdue...

And so they hitchhiked south towards LA, until they came across Mikeagun digging a hole.

V: What are you doing?
D: I know! He's digging a grave because he thought I died... Yah I'm that important...
M: No... I actually was building an underground base to lead the revolt against the fanboys...
V: Hey! We started the revolt first!
M: ???
D: Yah, we hated n00bs way before joo!
M + V: ...???...
D: Googly goo... Fanboys have corrupted my soul... I have a sudden feeling to ki...pwn all haxors n00bs...
M + V: ATTACK!!! *Draws weapons of doom!*

What will happen to Daodos? Will Mikeagun actually have a purpose, why do they hate fanboys and does this look infected? All will be answered soon or probably never!

Note: We shall call this "The Adventures of Vezquex and Daodos: The Expo of Doom!"

Chapter 6 by Tenshimaru

Somewhere on the plains of Africa
Tenshimaru: ???
T: Where am I? *looks around*
T: Africa? I was supposed to be at that one place with Vez and Daodos!
T: Where is that place anyway?

Chapter 7 by Vezquex

Faint rumblings echo across the savanna. A disorienting dust clouds Tenshimaru's senses. The rumblings slowly turn to an infectious tribal synth beat and strangely recognizable Disney melody.
T: Shiznit! A rogue stampede of out of work Lion King characters.

Luckily, in the nick of time, Tenshimaru takes a particularly large step to the left, and the bulk of the G-rated pain is prevented. Cue Vez and Daodos, late as usual, swooping in to the rescue in a hot air balloon in the shape of a Wiimote.
T: Wow, I really could've used you there, guys.
D: We had an unexpected layover in Nihon, some Sony executives were in need of a severe beating.
T: Oh man! I missed a good-old-fashioned Kutaragi ass-kicking for a whimsical romp about the trials of a talking cub prince? What a rip!
V: Pluuuueus, we stopped in Antarctica for some ice cream. The penguins there are real nice, but surprisingly they don't make the best ice cream.
D: Don't listen to him, he got a little dizzy from the pitching and rolling of the controller ride.
V: You're accusing Muah of vertigo? I'll make you eat those words!
T: Now Vertex, get a grip, boy; E3 is over. That reminds me, I didn't miss anything big at E3, did I?
D: Ahhh, let me regale you with a magical tale... and they never rumbled again.
T: I think I'm gonna need to sit down.
M: So, what's next for our wacky adventures?
T: OK, now I know the Saharan heat must be getting to me. I could have sworn I just saw two Mikeaguns, and the left one asked a question.
D: Rotten Stowaway! Who else is in their with you?
M: It's a cupboard, Daodos. It's a miracle I even fit in there myself, and you think there is someone else in there too? *Crash*
T: Newcomer! Oh, wait, it's just all the teacups that fell out of the cupboard. Never mind. 
V: Aaanywaaaaay, what say we float on over to Brazil and congratulate them on their recent switch to clean-burning, renewable Ethanol?
D: Whoa, let's not get carried away here, Vez-mex, there is still a lot of gaming injustice in the world and we are the only ones who can stop it.
T: Fine, Daodos, then where do you suggest?

Chapter 8 by Tenshimaru

On a bus to Afghanistan, Vezquex, Daodos, Mikeagun, and Tenshimaru discuss plans to hunt for Osama.
T: Great idea, Daodos, I never would  have thought of that.
D: That's why I'm the leader.
M: Who said you were the leader?
T: So, Vasquez what do you think?
V: I think it's a good plan, but—
D: Whadaya mean "but"? It's a great plan.
V: But how do we find him? It's a big country.
D: We'll use Mikeagun's telepathic abilities.
T: That's what he's here for. *pulls out Uber Gigantic Weapon Thing (UGWT)* What are we waiting for?
V: Ikimashyou! [You to point that somewhere else.]

Chapter 9 by Daodos

After seeing Tenshimaru's weapon, Daodos and Vezquex felt emasculated, so they got the biggest freakin' weapon they could find.
T: So let's go... WHOA, WTF is that?
D: It's a... uh... giant vegetable peeler, from which I shall peel them to death!!! The only thing worse is being cheese grated to death! ^_^
V: What about my weapon?
D: What weapon Dezquex?
V: You're in love with yourself, aren't you?
Uh, well, I decided to wield this. *starts opening coat*
V: It's just my coat I'm taking off. (T)_(T)
D + T + M: Oh, fshwiew.
V: It is this: A Windows ME disk! ^_^
D: And what'll that do, Vauxman?
V: VEZQUEX! And I shall install it into the PCs the terrorists got from Bill Gates. (laughing  maniacally) I told you to use Linux!!!
D + M + T: T_T
V: Watch. *puts in Tenshimaru's computer* Behold! The blue screen of death!!! Because, on the blue screen of death, no one can hear you scream!!! You won't even be able to reboot!
M: I have a line? Yo quiero computer.
D: You can say that again... You can say that again.
M: Do you have ADD? We were getting Osama. But since our so-called "leader" was flying, we ended up in India!
D: Look! There's Folipo, the child I sponsor!
V: Why are you considered the leader? I mean, I have the brains, Mike has the psychic powers, all you can do is wield a giant vegetable peeler, like a sword.
D: What about Tenshi? He gets lost all the time, he can't be that smart.
V: He is there to be the bad boy that the girls want, idiot. He has more IQ points than you anyway. Your vegetable peeler prob'ly has a higher IQ than you!
D: Well... your name is hard to say! There, I said it. I'm the leader because I have the most experience in 1337n355 in our gang. I mean, I totally was the one who saved the day when Tetris pieces attacked; All you guys did was run around saying, "The Sky is falling!" and hide out in our secret base AKA Mom's House.
V: All you did was play Tetris while they made a treaty.
D: Didn't I?
M: Yes you did. I watched you cry for hours whilst you were beaten time and again by Elation.
D: Well I'm the leader and brought us here for a purpose: We are to march into France and stop Ubisoft from teaming up with Nintendo.
M: Why would we do that?
T: Ohh! Balance, so if we do this then we have to do things like stop the price of the PS3, and the FPS on the Xbox!
D: Exactaley!
V: Why don't we just let them handle themselves while we play their games?
D: Good point.

Will the others actually follow the story, or will they make another crappy branch that loops no where, and will I stop self monologuing my life? Probably not, but stay tuned for more!

Chapter 10 by Tenshimaru

On their way home, Vezquex, Tenshimaru, Daodos, and Mikeagun pass through Spain.
T: I always wanted to go to Spain.
V: I thought you wanted to go to Japan.
T: Uh... yeah... that too.
D: Wow, this is pretty cool. But if this is Spain, why are all the people speaking Mexican?
T + M: ...?
V: (muttering) See? I told you he was too dumb to be the leader.
D: Oh well. Let's go.
M: Hey look! A Spanish restaurant!
V: No way! I didn't think they existed.
D: And in Spain too!
T: Why did I join this group of idiots?

Suddenly, zombie fanboys jump from the roof of the restaurant and attack.
D: Oh no, there are too many of them. We'll never make it.
T: *pulls out UGWT* There'll never be too many for me to kill!

The group pulls out their weapons and prepares to fight. Will they survive this fanboy attack? And what is this Uber Gigantic Weapon Thing anyway? Find out next time on VDTaFatEoD.

Chapter 11 by Vezquex

[Sorry Tenshi, but zombies don't jump. Well, you can fill in your plot holes later; I guess.]

Tenshimaru begins the five-minute process of reloading his UGWT. Meanwhile, Vezquex and Daodos each pull out dual Wiimotes from the back of their shirts. As they take aim, the perspective switches to split screen first person, and various iridescent and neon beams start to burst out, frying the undead brethren.

V: That's strange, this seems more difficult than it should be.
D: Where are the frickin' power-ups?
T: Guys, quit hogging the frags. I am still trying to reload here.
M: You guys got supercharged Wiimotes without me?
D: Yeah, well, maybe we could have cut you in if you hadn't spent so much time in the cupboard.
V: Look out, Tenshi!
T: Hold on, Vez-Quackers; I'm almost done.

The horde stiffly raises their arms above their heads and carries Tenshimaru back to their Roman Catholic Dungeon.
T: Uhh, guys? I'm in a bit of a jam here... Any chance of a little backup? Hello? Anyone?
V: I knew we should have gotten a babysitter.
D: I don't know what he sees in that gun. Would it kill him to upgrade to post Revolutionary War tech?
V: Yah, seriously, he would have fared better with my crappy ME boot disk. Good for nothing...

Vezquex carelessly tosses the boot disk back towards the ominous mariachi band. The sun glimmers off of its psychedelic foil underside and allows arbitrary code to be executed on half a dozen zomboys. Their gray, soulless eyes turn bright blue for half a second before they freeze in place. The group fails to take any notice.

D: ...Hey, that thing cost me $95! Well, you're gonna have to find yourself another melee weapon because I'm not sharing my potato peeler.

V: The best thing to do in a melee is to actually not participate in any melee; that's only for losers. I just hang back, and it's long range all the way, like so. *snap crackle pop*
(exhausted) Well, that's the last of them, except for the pack that carried Tenshimaru away.
M: Say, you don't suppose you could let me join the fight next time, huh?
V: Ummm, we'll talk about it, young padawan.

Chapter 12 by Daodos

Daodos, Vezquex, and Mikeagun head towards the church were Tenshimaru is being held. What dangers await?
M: Finally, we're here; Tenshi is inside.
V: Yah, well it would have taken less time if Daodos hadn't been trying to capture his feet.
D: Hey they were hurting, so I needed to punish them... Stupid traitorous feet.
M: Well, let's go!

They enter the church. Pan to Tenshimaru, huddled in a corner.
V: Hey! Tenshi! *waving happily* We're over here!
M: Uh... Tenshi?
T: (softly and crackly) They are coming... They will pwn me...
D: Who? Is it Santa‽
M: No, he obviously saw something so horrible that it put him in a state of shock...

Meanwhile, a man with a burlap bag over head comes closer...
M: ...I think we should, *turns around* WTF?
D: Santa?
V: No, these must of been Resident Evil Fanboys!
M: What, nothing can defeat those fanboys, not even Silent Hill, or the fact the first game was made over 10+ times.
V: No, one thing can... FF cosplay...
D: Oh! I choose Tifa! ^_^
V + M + T + Fanboys: T_T, are you really that stupid?
D: Oh, I mean Cloud, I have the giant sword!
M: It's a vegetable peeler...
D: Your point? ^_^
M: Fine, *pulls out keyboard*, it's gonna take all my skills to defeat them...

Mikeagun starts mercilessly whacking zombie fanboys with the keyboard, shouting his trademark battle cry.
M: Home Rowed! Home Rowed! Whoooo! Home Rowed!
T: Whoa, remind me to never get him mad. *smacking continues*
V: Your better now?
T: Yes, I just watched the movie "Doom".
D + V: Eww!!! That was a terrible movie! >_<
D: Well, now we can help Mikeagun!
M: That won't be necessary...
V: You're done already!? You killed them quick for using a plastic keyboard.
M: You underestimated? *shakes fist*
V: No, uh... I was saying that was spectacular!
M: Good... No stabby for you.
D: I wish I was stabbed so I can feel something once in a while...
V + M + T: Yahh, Uh... that was weird.

Well, Tenshimaru is saved, and we discover that Mikeagun is good at the keyboard (computer). What is in store next? Stay tuned...

Chapter 13 by Daodos

The team starts heading towards home (before the Wii comes out), when they stumble upon something peculiar.
D: Look! Pointy-shaped buildings! ^_^
M: You mean the Pyramids?
V: Are you amused by everything? T_T
T: Yah, I mean WTF? They're just pyramids. Why, I could—*falls through hole*.
D: Woah! Cool, I get it, peek-a-boo! ^_^
V: Uh, are you OK Tenshi? Tenshi? TENSHI! >_<
M: I think he's hurt, and probably lost.
V: Fine, let's retrieve him, that is assuming he's not dead. I'm not wasting my time saving a dead guy.
D: Let's go.

And so they venture into the hole to find Tenshimaru. It is here that they reach a shocking revelation.
M + V + D: O-M-F-G
D: Santa's Work Shop! I knew he existed! ^_^
M + V: No, you idiot!
M: It's a factory for a new game console.
V: Look! The boxes say both Sony and Microsoft. Hmmm. And it's addressed to Tokyo.
M: OMG, it must be heading to the Tokyo Games Show! They are going to release a new system, the Microsoft PlayStation 360!
D: Sweet! Halo and a new Final Fantasy! ^_^
V + M: T_T
D: Oh, uh, I mean "THEY MUST BE STOPPED!" Look, there's Tenshi! Hay, what are you doing at that conveyor belt?
T: Must... Serve... Sony and Microsoft.
D: OMG, Beeswax!

Chapter 14 by Vezquex

[Alright, in that case it would be better to use "...". I see your point in conveying pauses, this is a use seen in manga. Just as long as you tone down on the ending every sentence with them. You are also doing a little better on the spelling and grammar, but you still have trouble with "towards," apostrophes (let's, it's), putting a space after the colon, and a few other weird things.]

M: (sarcastically) Gee, who would have seen this coming? It's like the biggest non-twist evar.
T: (singing) Consoles by Micro and Sony / Will cost you more than a pony / We shove circuits in a metal can / The game's drown out by our honkin' coolin' fan / In five more years we'll steal some more ideas / And that's how we'll win the console wars / Doo doo doo / Doo doo...
D: GAAAAHHH!!!~''1''21@!@! I can't take it any more.
T:   (singing) ...doo doo doodooo / doowop (muffled) dwuwp mdflwp...
V: There! Problem solved. I knew there would be a good use for all these potato skins we had lying around. Now that he's gagged, we can bust him out of this joint and try to find him a cure.
M: Not so fast, technically Sony and Microsoft hired him legally under the pretense of the law, and—
D: Would you just be cool for once? We're in the middle of the desert and you are going on about international labor laws? Sure, this isn't the ideal plan of action, but if you wanted that, then you guys wouldn't have voted me leader. Don't make me have to gag you too.
V: (muttering) I don't remember voting.
M: I...
D: Oh, you are so gagged, Windex.
M: Umm...
D + V: WHAT‽ What is it?
M: The uhh, (quivering) The... TheTheThe Cell just sealed up the hole and trapped us in here (blubbering) and we're all gonna die.
V: Jeez, it's not like it's the last day of E3. *sip*
D: Uhh, Vez-thingy, you might wanna have a look at this.
C: (HAL 9000's voice) I am The Cell, fully sentient in every way, and I can beat that one smart Russian guy at chess.
M: Even Wizard's Chess?
C: Ummmm, *calculates* Especially Wizard's Chess. I and my 17 brains have taken on the form of a George Forman grill in order to avoid confusing your puny human brains. Wait! I'm not done yet! Just let me crush one of these n00bs.
D: (to M + V) Who's he callin' n00bs?
C2: I am one of the other 26 processing cores and have come to you with an important calculation: There is no escape.
V: What, that's it? *sip*
M: Uhhh, we kinda already knew that.
C2: But that's impossible! Wait... *calculates* Just give me a minute. (muttering) Maybe I ought to have my other cores help out. No, they hate me, I was always the architecture's pet. Hmmm. Carry the 2?
D: This blows, let's hurry up and skip to the part where we spill soda on him and then we have like 20 seconds to escape before the whole pyramid collapses.
V: *psshwffft* Hahaahaha. Please, You're killing me. Oh, yah right. Like someones just gonna inadvertently... *tssstsxtchts*
M: Hold that thought. We have about 4 more seconds.
V + D + T: AAAaaahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
D: Dude! That was killer-awesome! ^_^b What an amazing 3d escape sequence. Particle effects and HDR at crystal 1080p. And finally, no jaggies.
V: No jaggies‽ That's it, I'm a zomboy convert.
M: Hey, speaking of zomboys, where's Zombie-maru?
V: You know, Daodos, soda doesn't grow on trees. I'll be needing that Mountain Dew replaced.
M: (To self) Where's that screwdriver? *wanders off*
T: Blecchhh! I would only drink that if I were stranded in the middle of the fucking... Oh, never mind.
D: You're alive! Right? But I thought you were zombiefied. How?
T: Oh, so that's why I had no control over my actions. Well anyway, I'm not exactly sure, but I think it went something like this:

I was having my quarterly zombie worker evaluation, and my boss was so impressed with my conveyor belt monitoring, not to mention my beautiful singing, that he promoted me to assistant  factory manager. This is a union job, and one of the perks of the union positions is that the employees receive full access to their own, non-zombie, blood. Once regaining conscious control, it was simply a matter of taking an unscheduled lunch break right before the implosion.

V: Peachy. So, how are we gonna get home?
T: Don't we have some hot air balloon or something?
D: I'd rather not speak of it. Let's just say there was an unfortunate vegetable peeler accident.
T: I see. I don't suppose either of our resident computer nerds has any bright ideas?
V: Hold your tongue! The fact that you would even suggest that Mike or I had some spare time and parts out in the middle of the desert and just so happened to be working on some sort of—
M: Well actually, there is this one thing I've been working on.

Jaws drop as a chrome-plated robotic Chocobo rises out of the dunes. Mikeagun quickly summons three more via his wireless keyboard.

M: It turns out, that BowFlex's Dew, by shorting out some of the circuits on The Cell, released it from Sony's restrictive firmware and unleashed its full processing potential. I just asked it to make me a way out of the hemisphere, fed it Tenshi's bike, thinking he was dead, and The New Cell did the rest.
T: THAT WAS MY BIKE!!! I am going to follow you around for 6 seasons of this series until you replace my bike.
D: Dude, you've got a Chocobo now, you don't need a bike.
T: True, but my bike and I go way back.
V: Really? But you still had the training wheels on. I though you were just starting out.
M: Well, as much fun as this is, *mounts* I'm ready to start riding my giant robo-chicken. See ya guys!
D: *mounts, raises peeler skyward* The race begins.

Chapter 15 by Daodos

As our heroes race towards Tokyo together on their Chocobos, with an impending virtual tie, they agree to stop in a town just north of China.

T: Doo, doo, doo, doo doo doodoo / doo doo doo, doo-doo doo, doo doo doo doo—
M + D + V: Stop singing the Mario Bros. theme! >_<
T: Pffft, whatever, I want to remember just in case of the downfall of Nintendo, and Sega picking it up and putting in J-pop songs, or making it really fast. Damn, Sega, why? Why did you have to make Shadow an emo-pansy?!?!
D: It's OK, we'll get you some help. The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.
M: Yah guys, don't get angry over the small things, or else you'll miss all the fun... and be a Terrorist.

A shooting star arcs overhead. Trailing in its wake is a caption reading, "The More You Know".

V: Yes, very informative. Now where are we?
D: That's an easy one, we're somewhere in China.
M: Uh, no actually we're in Russia now.
D: Dammit, Boris! You lied to me!
V: (Whispering to Mikeagun) What? Who's Boris?
M: (Whispering to Vezquex) He's this dude that we found along the way. Daodos asked him where the "mother land" was.
V: (Whispering to Mikeagun) He thought China was the mother land?
M: (Whispering to Vezquex) I thought we talked about this? He thinks China is the mother land, because he was talking to his peeler, and it told him, apparently, that it came from China, the land of its mother.
V: (Shouting) WHAT!
T: Yah, you seem surprised?
V: Don't eavesdrop, Tenshimaru-san. Back to your cage with you!
T: What cag...
V: Bah, No! *Squirts Tenshimaru with water* Bad Tenshi!
M: Come on, are you that oblivious to our leader's mental capacity? Here's a graph...

│             /
│          _/
│         /   
│   ___/
│ /

M: As you can see, as life goes on, his stupidity increases.
V: How is this possible? It's not contagious, is it?
M: Well there's a vortex of idiocy around him, and as he gets dumber, slowly so do we.
V: Hmmm, I see; well this puts it all into perspective. DIE! *throws a wiimote dagger at Daodos*
D: X_X
T: Dude, you killed him, awesome!
D: >_< Ouch, what hit me, my organs feel all rupturey.
V: OMFG! He's invincible. Run!
D: Wait, I want to to join! ^_^
M: Should have taken the Chocobos!

Well... that was a weird side track, and I thought being just a voice was weird, but onward, fanboy slayers, Ho!

Chapter 16 by Vezquex

[Tenshimaru's Google Cache]

As Tenshimaru runs, his foot catches a root and he falls.

T: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! *crash* Stupidity... closing in... can't... think... straight!
V: Wait a minute, since when do we care?
V: Oh well, let's go save him anyway.

Vezquex and Mikeagun dash back and save Tenshimaru from impending death by stupidity.

D: OK, guys. I'm better now.
T: (whispering) Yeah, cause you can be cured of stupidity...
D: So, what do we do now, Vezquex?
V: YES!!!! You finally pronounced my name right!
D: I did? YES! I pronounced Vexquez's name right!
V: (T_T) Oh well. Let's just go home.

Chapter 17 by Daodos

As our (kind of) heroes attempt to go home, they decide to stop in Florida to say "Hi" to our favorite lawyer.
M: We're here... You know the plan, right?
D: Yah, just as we planned,
    1. Run in screaming like idiots
    2. Grab Jack Thompson
    3. Hang him like a pinata at E3
    4. ??????????????????????????
    5. Instant Heroes!
V: It's perfect! We'll be the heroes to gamers everywhere!
T: Yah, but I heard that Jack Thompson is Oprah's vampire master...
M: Vampires don't exist!
D: But Jack Thompson does, and that's worse.
ALL: *shivers*
V: I know: let's get a hitman that is a pregnant teen who shoots people in the face!
M: No time, let's go!
*Everyone runs into Jack Thompson's room.*
V: Uhhh... Hello?
JT: What are you doing here? I'll sue you for breathing my air!
D: We're here to end your tyranny! *strikes with peeler*
T: I told you he's a vampire!
M: Run away!
*We all run away.*

And that day they learned a valuable lesson: Jack Thompson is worse than a robotic vampire monkey WMD Hitler from the future sent to exterminate children in the playground at McDonald's.

Chapter 18 by Vezquex

Althougheth our "heroes" are not above the law, they are not above fleeing the country to avoid being caught, especially by their new arch enemy and sued for zillions.
T: Awww, but I wanted to go home.

There will be plenty of spare training wheels in the Camans, Tenshimaru.

T: Did I just get zinged by the narrator? This is the lamest thing ever.

Anway, they set sail for the Caman Islands, and, aside from a few pesky hurricanes, their journey was largely uneventful. But what they didn't know was that trailing behind them on his trusty alligator was a familiar arch enemy...

JT: Yes, yes, that's it; Once we arrive I can liquidate my secret illegal bank account and wire it to Karl Rove to have you declared terrorists. You'll be international criminals, and you won't even get a trial! Ahh-hahahaah!

V: Did you guys hear something?
D: Yah, my stomach growling.
T: (faintly) My stomach seems to have shrunken up and disappeared.
M: Hey guys! I've hacked into the networks of all of those banks that conceal rich Americans' money from taxes, and I found out that Jack Thompson has one worth 2.3 million dollars.

JT: Drat! Foiled again.

V: Just think of all the Twinkies you could dee—
D: Hey! That's my li... Mmmm.
T: (ever faintly) Daodos, you were right. We've got a bogey on our tail. Don't worry, though, my UWGT is almost done charging. Then I'll blast that green tuna out of the water.
V: You'll tip the boat over!
M: He's in no condition to be handling a firearm. Plus, the UWGT is not likely  to ever finish charging. It's been charging ever since—*JiggaBOOOOOOOwuwuOOOOOOOwuwuOOOOOOOwuwuOOOOOOOwuwuMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmm*

JT: So predictable. Don't they know about my legion of anti-zomboys? Every good villain has a never-ending supply of identical henchmen. I call them the Paralegals.

So, the boat does indeed tip over. Many Paralegals and innocent tuna are incerated a dozen times over. Daodos, Tenshimaru, and Mikeagun wash up on shore, with Vezquex mysteriously missing (Read: not dead). And yes, Tenshimaru quickly finds something to eat and does not die of starvation.

P.S. I'm not getting paid enough for this.

Chapter 19 by Daodos

After their confrontation with Jack Thompson, the crew (sans Vezquex) has washed up on a mysterious island.

M: Uhhh... Where are we? =_=
T: (mouth full) I dougb naw
M: Well, lets just use my GPS and, Huh! No! Battery out! Daodos were you using it to mark where you ate pizza again? >.<
D: Uh... No! There's not enough memory for that. ^_^
T: Ahhh... Good food!
M: Dude! You just ate Jack Thompson!
D: What!? Did you save any?
T: ...No...
And so, Daodos chases Tenshimaru throughout the island while Mike apathetically follows.
M: Thank God. I thought you were slow... T_T
D: Not if food was on the line. ^_^
T: I'm sorry! Next time I eat someone I'll tell you!
D: Damn Straight!
M: Shhh! Look in the clearing...It's Vezquex. He seems to be treated like a god...
D: Cool! Hay! Von Steuben!
V: No! Go away! I'm happy here without you!
M: Why are you their god? And who would worship you?
V: I was captured by Amazon women, who were amazed by the stories and hardships I've had taming the baka beasts I referred to as Dao-maru.
D + T: WTF is that?
D: I know! It’s an Italian dish. ^_^
*At that moment the Amazon women popped out of the bushes wearing tiger skins*
D: Yay! Catgirls! I found Catgirl Island! ^_^
M: You dumbass, those are the savages! Wikipedia, (which strangely the laptop picks up wifi here) says that this tribe is a headhunter Amazon tribe that ritualistically kidnaps males and Sacrifice them after repopulating their tribe...
V: Wait... What was that part about repopulating? -_-
T: Hi! I'm Tenshimar-*gets stabbed* X_X
M: Run away! (Again, we really suck at fighting).

And so, our idiot savants run until they lose the amazons and realize that they weren't on an island, but a peninsula. Where does it lead?

Chapter 20 by Vezquex

With the coastline bringing up bad memories of jellyfish accidents, the quartet heads off into the mainland. The steamy Brazil sun beats down as they trudge through the endless entanglement of jungle. Their only means of navigation is a luring smell off in the distance...

D: Alright, this has been bothering me all morning: does anyone else smell coconuts?
V: Oh, what a relief! I thought I was losing it.
T: Uhhh, that ship has sailed... Hold on... I think I smell it too.
M: I am highly skeptical, as coconuts are not native to this area, although I'll have to take your word for it on account of my allergies.
T: But you're not sneez—whoah, look at the size of your hand.
M: Don't worry, the swelling should come down in a few minutes.
D: Boy, I can't wait to inhale a few of those coconuts.
V: Hey! That jaguar gave me a mean look.
D + T: Jaguar!? Run!
M: No, this time we stay and fight.
V: On second thought, it was more of a blank stare.
M: Prepare to meet my monkey fist. MONKEEEEEEY FIIIIIIIST.
Jaguar: RRREEEOOOOWWWW... urrrrrrrrrrrrrr... urrrrrrrrrrrrrr...
T: I don't think that was such a good idea.
V: Uh-oh. He's givin' me that look again.
D: What is this? The boss level?

Yes, yes it is. The jaguar is temporarily stunned and a chunk of his health bar fades away, but it proceeds to grow in size, reveal oversized metallic claws, and call in a few infant minions.

M: MONKEEEEEEY FIIIIIIIST. *falls to ground*
D: No, no, no, no, no. You can't just do the same thing twice in a row. You've got to wait for the pattern, then do the same thing again. Well, Mikeagun is out; Tenshi, get in there! And use something a little smaller this time.
T: Why? What's wrong with my Uber Gigantic Weap—*pounce*
D: What is wrong with you people? I guess I'll just have to do it myself. Vezquex, keep eating that coconut.
V: *slurp* Roger.
D: OK, circle around half a dozen times, avoid the first three pounces, run two of them into each other, break the third one's ankle... and... MONKEEEEEEEEEEY FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIST. And that is how it's done.
V: Wii did it! \(^o^)/
D: We? >_< And the anime emoticons are reserved for me! Patent pending. Remember, I'm the otaku.
V: Well you got to be smart in this episode, so why can't I be otaku?
D: I was always smart in the realm of games.
V: This is a game?
D: (-_-#) Haven't you been paying attention all this time? Did you think all the zombies and game references were just coincedences?
V: Well... yes.
D: Well, do you see now?
V: Yeah, I guess... But don't tell Tenshimaru and Mikeagun; it could emotionally cripple them.

Shocking revelations indeed. But none of this solves anything, and we still have the small matter of being lost in a foreign land, with no supplies or comprehensive survival skills, that is, other than volumes of useless anime and video game knowledge. They will be reaching a tributary of the Amazon River soon, which has turned to jello. To make matters worse, there are growing vibrations originating nearby from Machu Pichu.

Note: I just thought of a cool pseudonym for our story, "128-bit Theatre". What do you think? The ever-increasing acronym would become 128-bT: VDTaFatEoD.

Chapter 21 by Daodos

As our heroes venture onward towards a river in the Amazon, (I think it's owned by amazon.com or something), they make a startling discovery!

M: Chocolate milk has high fructose corn syrup!?!
V: Sure, why did you think Tenshimaru gets drunk off it?
T: I do not! I can quit any time! *hic*
D: *Wheeze!* [Yeah!]
M: But, but, what's the point! I mean, it's not like Dao needs to get any fatter.
V: He seems to do just fine, except for the wheezing and coughing. I mean—we went 2 miles.
D: *Hack, Cough, Wheeze* (Trans. You try walking 2 miles in the sun with ***Lbs. [Censored by people who support Daodos in his fight against anorexia].
T: Well at least you don't get caught in a updraft!

As they continue along they come across a mythical creature.

D: Yay! A unicorn! ^_^
V: His mood changed ^_^'
M: Dude that's a rhino.
D: I shall name it Persephone! After the car.
T: Lucky bastard.
*Pershephone sensed something coming from Mt. Pichu (WTF? The Pokemon?) and ran away.*
T: Ohh! I call the dragon!
M: What is it? A lizard?
V: No! It's a dragon...
M: Ok... Tenshi is your gun loaded?
D: Why? I loved you Pershephone! ;-_-; You... Will... Die...

And amazing enough, Tenshimaru's UGWT was loaded

T: Yay! Fire! ^_^

UGWT makes an explosive noise as a pennant pops out of the barrel that reveals the words "BANG! GAME OVER"

M: Dammit, Tenshi! You bought that at the novelty shop that Daodos got his peeler at; didn't you!?

V: We take it down!

Vezquex jumps on Persephone's back and subdues her with a pressure point. Daodos cuts the pole off the UGWT with his sword. Mikeagun telepathically spears the dragon, and Tenshimaru... He made lemonade. Tragically, he tripped just before the second sip, which flung the contents of his glass into the dragon's eyes, burning them. Why must Tenshimaru use wasabi ice cubes? WHY!?

With the dragon defeated they all lived happily ever after. Wait, this isn't the end; it's only the end of the prologue. And why was there a dragon? Just what the heck are they trying to do anyway? What is their purpose? Well I don't care, as I am rich. Now who wants dragon meat?

Chapter 22 by Tenshimaru

Our heroes leave Mt. Pichu and head for India, for they "must help people too poor to own Nintendo systems".

V: So, we're going to the country of ... joblessness. What's that called again?
D: Um...

A lightbulb appears above Daodos's head. It flickers and goes out.

D: Stupid lightbulb!
V + T: Aha! Unemployment!
D: (T_T)
V: But how do we get there?
D: I know!

Daodos sommons the team's gaint Wii-mote-shaped balloon.

D: See, we can use this again!
T: Or we could take a boat.
V: Good idea Tenshi. Let's take a boat.
T: The port's over this way.
D: Doh! (>_<)

The group gets on a boat and sets sail. Later, they arrive at a small, poor port town in India.

V: Well, here we are.
D: Where is here again?
D: Oh.

Our rookie missionaries set up shop on a busy street.

D: Look, guys. I made a sign.
T: "GRAB A FREE WII"? Great, Daodos. (T_T)
V: Hey, guys?
T: A monkey?! Where?!
D: No. Nunjas!

The group is ambushed by a team on nunjas (ninja nuns). Tenshimaru pulls out the UGWT.

T: I'll handle this guys.
D: Not that thing again!
T: That wasn't the real UGWT! It was the novelty item!
V: Let him have his moment.
T: I even loaded it this time!

Tenshimaru takes aim. A long row of green LEDs light up. He pulls the trigger.

T: (T_T) It jammed!
V: Is that the only emoticon you know?!
T: (T_

Chapter 23 by Tenshimaru


Chapter 24 by Tenshimaru

[Finishing earlier post]

T: I think I can fix it.
V + D: Yeah, right!

As Vezquex and Daodos pull out their weapons to fight the nunjas Tenshimaru begins repairing his UGWT.

T: *welding* Guys, I found the problem!
V: Is it fixed?
T: No.
D: FIX IT!!!
T: (T_T) Gimme some slack, guys. I'm almost finished. *kicks UGWT* Come on, come on, WORK!

The green lights turn back on and Tenshimaru picks up the newly repaired UGWT.

V: Well, that's that.
D: That'll teach those... those... nunjas!
T: (T_T)
T: Sorry.

Our heroes' adventure in India is over, but the queistion still remains: Will the UGWT ever fire, and what does it do anyway?! And will Tenshimaru ever learn any other emoticoms?. Stay tuned. Oh, wait. This isn't a radio show.

T: I do too know other emoticons. Like this one: (T_T)

That's the same one Tenshi.

T: You win this time, Mr. Narrator, but I will have my revenge!

You wish.

T: (T_T)
V + D: STOP IT!!!

Chapter 25 by HamsterOfDoom

Suddenly, a searchlight gleamed down from the heavens. A chorus of trumpets started to sound, and a loud terrible voice that shook the earth shouted out, "The Flying Hamster Of Doom rains coconuts upon your pitiful city!" [H]amsterOfDoom floated down to greet our gawking heroes.
D: *smack* ow! Hey! What's with the coconuts? (A coconut bounces off his head.)
T: Yeah, *smack* ow! What gives!? *smack smack*
H: Didn't you hear the heavenly voice? i rain coconuts on you. It's sorta my thing.
V: What makes you think you can just up and join us?
H: Because, if you don't let me join, I'll chuck more coconuts at you. *smacks*
V: *shields* OK, fine! You can join our party! Just stop with the coconuts already!!
D: *rubs* Owie.

Concurrently, some inexplicable zombie fanboys had been distracted by HamsterOfDoom's abrupt appearance and the prospect of his juicy hamster brain, but they quickly resumed their assault.
T: Aw, I'd take 'em, but my UWGT's OS installation has been corrupted.
B: I have a few Linux CDs, burned fresh this morning.
T: Who are you? You're not supposed to show yet. Get back in the bushes!

Chapter 26 by Tenshimaru

Tenshimaru holds his weapon steady, with a new OS installed, ready to blast the zombie fanboys out of existence.

T: Come and get me.
V: Wait a minute. Since when are we fighting zomboys? I thought we were fighting nunjas. And didn't we win already?
T: (>_<) Doh! Hamster, you got me all riled up for nothing.

[Sorry to rain on your parade, HamsterOfDoom, but you have got to stick to the plot.]

H: Oh, right.
V: Well what do we do now?
T: I wonder if Hamster of Hallucinations has any ideas.
V: Well?
H: (T_T)
D: No bright ideas, huh?
T: And, by the way, I just got yelled at for using that emoticon too much.
H: (hopefully) We could go to Spain.
T: I always wanted to go to Spain.
D: I thought you wanted to go to Japan.
V: Whoa, deja vu.
T: Well, scratch going to Spain. You got any ideas, Mikeagun?
T: Where'd he go?

The team looks around for Mikeagun, but to no avail.

T: We must have left him in Brazil.
D: He could be in trouble, poor guy.
V: I'm sure he's fine...

In Brazil...

M: Nice killer monkey, nice killer monkey! Guys!? A little help here!?

Back in India...

V: Well, we'd better go get him. Daodos?
D: Ooh, ooh! *summons giant Wii-mote balloon*
H: (O_O) Whoa, you guys are really cool!
T: (^_^) I know. I mean-
V: Tenshi, just get in the balloon.
T: OK.

The team boards the balloon and flies toward Brazil. As they approach the country, Tenshimaru spots a figure on the beach flailing their arms.

T: There he is!
V: OK, let's get him.

As the team comes closer to the shore they realize their problem...

D: Uh oh, killer monkeys. About forty of 'em, by the looks of it.
V: We'll just have to go in fast.

Vezquex pilots the balloon low to the ground. Tenshimaru is barely able to grab Mikeagun's hand and pull him to safety, just as the monkeys pounce.

T: (straining) Guys, I need help. He's too heavy; my arms might snap off.
H: Here, let me...
D: *pulls Mikeagun into the basket*
H: ...help.
M: Thanks. I thought I was done for.
T: No problem. Got any ideas on where to go?
M: How about touring the Nintendo factory?
ALL: Great idea!

The gang flies to Japan to see the Nintendo factory. Upon landing, they are greeted by a cheery tour guide.

Guide: *bows* Konnichwa. Genkidesuka? [Good afternoon. Are you well?]
T: *returns bow* Hai, genkidesu. Koto o kengaku shite mo iidesuka? [Yes, I am well. Is it alright if we tour your factory?]
Guide: Hai, kengaku shite mo kamaimasen. Ikimashyo. [Yes, I do not mind. Let's go.]
D + M + H: ???
V: What, you didn't catch that?
D: We don't speak japanese.
V: What, can't you read the subtitles?
M + H: (>_<)

The group is led on a tour through the factory. All are amazed, but none so much as HamsterOfDoom.

H: (O_O) Wow, you guys get to see everything!
T: (looking at a complex machine) Kore wa nandesuka? [What is this?]
Guide: Sore wa Nintendo DS o tsukurimasu. [That makes the Nintendo DS.]
D: (struggling to get the words right) Kore... wa nan... desuka? [What is this?] *points to a large, red button*
Guide: Fureru koto o shinai de kudasai. [Please do not touch that.]
D: I wanna press it! *reaches toward button*
D: Why not? *pushes button*

What will happen to our heroic team now? Is this the end for them? I'm not sure, that's why I was asking you! (I don't know why I do this...)

T: 'Cause you're the narrator.

Right... Anyway, who knows? They could suffer an agonizingly painful death... or not! It really depends on the next person to post.

T: (T_T) Shinitakunai. [I don't want to die.]
V: Hai, Soudesu. Me too, Tenshimaru... Me too...

Chapter 27 by HamsterOfDoom


Alarms sounded, and red lights flashed. In the midst of it all, a familiar orchestral tune could be made out.
T: Wait, I know what this is: it's Beethoven's 3rd Symphony in D-minor!
H + D + M: *stares*
H: How did you know that?
T: A samurai's gotta know these things.

While the music was playing, dog treats and kibble started to rain on our heroes. The Japanese tour guide started to laugh maniacally.
V: ...OOOOO. Right, sorry!
Tour Guide: Ha! You idiots have fallen right into our trap!! These dog treats and kibble will crush you so you cannot interfere with our plan!
D: Wait, how come you're not speaking Japanese anymore?
Tour Guide: Ha! Because I'm not Japanese!

The tour guides rips a mask off to reveal a smug face.

H + T + V + M + D: (gasp!)
Tour Guide: Yes, I'm actually French! Our plan to destroy the world will not be stopped by you CIA spies!
V: No, we've failed our country! Wait a sec, we're not part of the CIA.
Tour Guide: Uh... what?
H: (half buried in dog treats) Yeah, we're just a bunch of idiots roaming the world doing random crap.
T: CIA? Where did he get that?

Silence fills the room.

Tour Guide: Oh. Well, uh, ahem, this is uh, kinda awkward, with you guys knowing the French plan to destroy the world; You won't tell anyone, right?
H: Sure, whatever. Just stop with the kibble!
V: (buried up to his head) mffmmmph
Tour Guide: All right then.

Daodos pushes the red button again, and vacuums suck the kibble back into the ceiling.
Tour Guide: So, uh, sorry you're going to have to leave now. We are still preparing for the uh, the plan.
D: Whateverrrrr.

Chapter 28 by Brille

Just then, a very dashing man, who happens to be wearing sunglasses, pops out of the bushes.
B: YOU FOOL! That factory doesn't make video games.
D: Whoa! Who are you?
B: They call me Brille. I work for *gasp* the government.
V: OK then, Brille, What are they doing in that factory?
B: They are doing things unspeakable in normal everyday society.
B: They are cloning Fanboys! *dramatic music*

Where will our heroes go? What will they do? Will they beat down all of the fanboys? Will Tenshimaru's UGWT ever work? Will I ever stop asking questions? Only time will tell.

Chapter 29 by Vezquex

D: So, the tour guide was working for Ubisoft?
V: IDK, I've lost track of what's going on. These crazy characters have appeared suddenly and cheapified our humble quest. I'm goin' for sushi.

Fed up with the story's newfound lack of proper textual formatting [fixed] and its ever fainter wisps of continuity, Vezquex goes off to indulge in the fine culture of Japan.
V: Ichiban no uchimaruno ga karaoke! [First stop, karaoke!]

*cough cough* Meanwhile, a SARS outbreak has caused the entire island to be quarantined. So that means NO RANDOM SCENE CHANGES (outside of the country) for a while.
H: Alright, you've made your point.

*bonk* Oww! I think the narrator has had enough abuse for one day. (Where does he get all those coconuts?)
B: Well now we have too many characters to keep track of. And I'm so frickin' handsome; where are the love interests?
T: Just open your eyes; they're everywhere.
D: OMG, it's CatGirl Island!

And sure enough, gaggles upon gaggles of Japanese babes had flooded the streets, all in their shortened school uniform skirts (although they were clearly 18+), sporting cat ears and devil's horns. If you closed your eyes, you could hear the beautiful syncopation as they coughed.
T: Dame akuun desunee. [What bad, bad luck!]
Ima naze SARS ga arundeska. [Why SARS now?]
D: We've got to warn Gomez... I mean Vezquex!
H: He'll be fine. *goes back to drooling at SARS girls*
B: Sayonara! I guess I'll be able to cross Japanese twins off my list.

At the karaoke bar...
V: (singing... badly) ...We are programmed to receive. *sip* / You can checkout any time you like / *gluglug* but you can never leave!

Next week: I take on HamsterOfDoom again and another one of his forehead-swelling coco-barrages. And Daodos takes up the xylophone?

Chapter 30 by Daodos

And so our heroes split up to try and find Vezquex. (Well, Daodos and Hamster are being watched by Mikeagun. Remember kids, grope is dope).
T: Sooooooooo... Why are you following us all of a sudden?
B: I come from the future, with a warning: The Earth will be destroyed after the battle of Ninjas and Pirates goes too far. Children were starving, women were crying, and my cable service was cut... And so that's why I came to the past!
T: If that's so, then why did you find us?
B: I remember reading about you guys in a history book—something about WWIII. Well, I wanted to meet some historical figures!

At that moment the pitchy wailing of someone familiar could be heard.
V: (singing) Because I'm TNT! / I'm Dynamite.
T: Venezuela!
V: Tenshi? Is it over? Did they die?
B: Nope! ^_^ I actually think we are gonna be healthier because of the SARS!
V: Dammit! Oh well, I learned to live with the others, what can 2 more hurt now.
B: Good! Now let's find Daodos and Ham O'Doom.

So they travel to the other side of Tokyo to find Mike, Dao, and Ham.
D + H: *drool*
M: God damn it, NO. *sprays with water*

V: Are we sued yet?
M: Luckily Japanese women can summon giant hammers from no where.
H: Aha! My enemy, Vezquex. *Points*
V: Me? Enemy? Were you an actual hamster in a past life? (Hamtaro?)
H: This shall *hack* be our final battle.
T: Did he get into my samurai flicks again?

And so a epic battle began, in which boot disks and coconuts were tossed about franticly.

Hamster of Doom summons a giant coconut to smote Vezquex. Vezquex, being out of ME disks uses the heaviest thing he could find.
V: Sorry Dao, I can kill 2 birds with one stone!
D: No! I'm too handsome to die!
B: *cough*
D: Uh... I'm too smart to die?
M: *cough*
D: Well... I get payed the least.
(sarcasticly) Sure ya do!
D: OK, my life's worthless; go ahead... -_-;

And so they meet, and cause a great explosion. This unleashes... who else?
Godzilla: Rawr!!! Growl! Harrrrrrrrr!!! [Ow... You know coconuts hurt, and this human has some pointy edges!] Ow...

Godzilla, in his anger, smashes Japan in two like... well Japan being smashed by Godzilla.
T: Can't you be more creative?
Maybe if I get a raise once in a while! I have feelings too!

When the smoke clears, Japan is now two islands. Our heroes are split up! Daodos, Hamster O' Doom, and Mikeagun are on one side, while Vezquex, Tenshimaru and the dreamy Brille is on the other (...lucky bastards). What will our heroes do?!!!!!!!

H: Damn! Why does everyone take RPing seriously?
M: I hope I die soon...
D: Hey Ham, lets go find some girlfriends...
H: Why would Japanese girls like us anyway. I mean there's all those signs on subways now.
D: Simple! We're American jerks; chicks dig jerks, and freedom!
M: Urge to burn... rising... (What of Godzila?)
H: Well, Tokyo's trashed; where do we go?
D: Hiroshima might have some real catgirls that like Americans...
M: Yes, that's a good place to do it.

As Mikeagun's sanity decreases, so do our heroes' patience. What will happen now that they are apart? Will I ever go through puberty? I DON'T KNOW!!!!!!!!!!

Chapter 31 by Tenshimaru

Separated in a tragic accident involving a giant coconut, Daodos, and Godzilla, our heroes are undecided on what to do.

T: Well... we could try to jump across!
B: Not likely. That gap is way too big. I'm not jumping.
V: Yeah, you go right ahead.
T: Oh, fine. You guys got any better ideas?
B: We could-

Brille is interrupted by a loud bang as Hamster, Daodos, and Mikeagun appear out of nowhere.

T: (O_O) What?!! How'd you do that?!!
M: *releases Ctrl+Alt+Win+Cmd+Caps+Tab+Esc+T* I teleported.
V: You can teleport?
M: Yeah! Isn't it great?!
T: You know, you could have teleported us off the island BEFORE EVERYONE GOT SARS!!!
M: Not really. I just learned this ability. It's Windows Vista®: Wasteful AND Practical™.
T: Oh...
V: Well, let's get out of here then.
T: Hold on a minute; I have a bit of unfinished business to take care of with Hamster...
H: What'd I do? And what's with that angry look?
T: You caused all of this with your stupid little coconut. And how come you didn't get SARS, huh? I bet you caused it, didn't you?
H: (panicked) I... don't know what you're talking about...
T: I bet...

Tenshimaru drags out his UGWT and aims it straight at HamsterOfDoom.

T: Say "Good-by", traitor!
H: HAH! You expect me to believe that you are going to shoot me with that thing?! It doesn't even work!
T: Yeah, but I figured out how to use it.

Tenshimaru beats the living daylights out of Hamster. As Tenshi cartoonishly flattens him into a pancake, the rest of the team cheers.

ALL (sans Hamster): YAAAAAAYYYYYY!!!
T: Take that... *smack* and that... *whack* and that!!! *POW*
H: OW *smack* THAT *whack* HURTS!!! *POW*
D: (laughing) And I thought the coconuts were funny!!!
T: You did???
D: (T_T)
T: So, Hamster, your reign is over. How does it feel?
H: Not...so...good...
V: I can't believe you would do such a thing as to betray us!
B: I bet he's working for the French!
ALL: *gasp*
V: You are hereby banished from the VDTaF Team. You must leave us and (theatrical lightning) NEVER RETURN!!!
D: Take us away, Mikeagun!
M: Okay... *BANG*

The team teleports to the Appalachian mountain range to test the UGWT and to see if they can make it work (yeah, right).

T: HEY! Brille can do it!
B: Can I fix it? Yes I can!!!
T: *smacks own head* (>_<)

Tenshimaru begins loading his UGWT. After two minutes (the boot time was reduced due by Linux) he raises it to his shoulder.

T: OK! Here goes! *closes eyes* FIRE!

Tenshimaru pulls the trigger. At first, nothing happens, then the gun emits a sound resembling a rooster's crow and...

T + T: (in stereo) That was random! Whoa, who are you?! I'm Tenshimaru! No you're not; I am!
V: Both of you are! The UGWT must have cloned you!
T + T: Wow!

Suddenly, a deafening bang is heard, and one of the two Tenshimarus disappears in a cloud of smoke.

M: One is enough.
T: Wow, what a lousy power.
D: Here, let me try...

Too late! Daodos pulls the trigger. A crack of thunder—and rain begins to fall.

B: I get it. It must do something random each time!
T: COOL!!!

So the VDTaF Team has finally figured out what the UGWT does (and they got it to work)! And... whatever happened to Hamster?

In a McDonald's in Redmond, WA...

H: Man, this burger flipping job RULES!

Oh...right...Well I guess this is it...until next time, anyway...

Chapter 32 by HamsterOfDoom

Deep in the Appalachian mountain range, we find our heroes walking through the forest, ankle deep in snow. With Mikeagun in the lead, Vezquex, Brille, and Daodos are discussing the newly discovered functions of the UGWT with Tenshimaru.

T: Man, who would've thought that a couple of twists of a wrench could produce a weapon that randomly tears holes in space, that clearly go against the laws of nature!
D: Yah, go figure...
B: Oh, oh! Can I try now!?
T: No way! You always get bad random stuff when you use it!

The group looks back at the charred crater a few miles back.

D: Yeah, and that other time when you used it Vezquex couldn't talk! He could only sing. *grimaces*
V: (in a sing-song voice, with many sour notes) It's not quite worn off yet...
B: Aw, but this time I PROMISE I won't get anything bad!
T: How could you promise that? This thing only brings up random stuff!
B: T_T
V: Why did we decide to come to the mountains in the middle of Winter? It's f-f-f-freezing!
T: I dunno; it was Mikeagun who transported us here.
D: Yeah, what's up here anyway?
M: Oh, you'll see!

Tenshimaru tinkers with the UGWT as they march. Every now and then, odd occurrences can be heard: a cow materializing directly over Brille, passing trees coming to life and developing Scottish accents.

V: Aye, mi. Wouldja stop with the gun already? It's really started to get annoying.
Trees: Because your mine // I walk the line. Achhhhhh.
D: Oh, shut it, you damn trees! You've been singing that song over and over again for the last hour!
B: But I love that song!
M: We're here!

T + V + D + B: FINALLY! ... Huh?

A giant rock becomes apparent just a few feet off the trail.

V: ??? This is what you dragged us all the way up here for?! A giant boulder?
M: *rolls eyes* No, not just a boulder! It's my giant boulder!

Mikeagun leaps into the air and starts hugging the big rock. Everyone stares at him, dumbfounded.

D: Ugh, no way...

What will our heroes do now? Will Mikeagun's stupidity be the death of them all? They are trapped in the mountains and Mikeagun is to preoccupied.....uh.....well he seems to be trying the teach the rock how to play patty cake.......um, to teleport them out of the mountain range.

Meanwhile, in Redmond, WA.


Chapter 33 by Brille

All of a sudden, Mikeagun's rock develops a crack.
M: Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha*coughs, gets breath*hahahahahaha
B: Man, I didn't think he was that heavy!
T + D + V: *slaps* No fat jokes!
D: Googley goo.

Chapter 34 by Vezquex

Well, we all saw it coming (maybe not), but the little skirmishes we have been encountering have actually been leading up to a tournament of sorts. That is to say, The Penultimate Fanboy Tournie. I'll now turn things over to our commentator this evening.

H─┬─V      M─┬─B      D─┬─D      T─┬─zW      
  └────┬─────┘          └────┬─────┘
             One Champion

Thanks, Tim. You know, we've got some good matches comin' up, and I'll be here to guide you through the fights of entangling opposing views, all leading up to the cage match.

First up, we have Hamster, weighing in at [censored by McDonald's in their fight against admitting to testing experimental oils (like ferret sweat) on employees] pounds. He is a strong advocate of throwing coconuts, while Vezquex is opposed. Although a rematch, this will be anything but a replay. Vezquex's calves have swelled in size after a rigorous DDR regiment. This will be the penultimate sumo battle of a lifetime.

The next bout is between Mikeagun and Brille. You see, they have a little difference of opinion on operating systems. Could Microsoft be partially responsible for the bad future Brille comes from? Or maybe Brille is just really cheap? Well, no doubt you can see my bias here, but I'd have to say the odds are with Mikeagun on account of the superior hardware support of Windows on his versatile wireless media center keyboard. But maybe Brille could pull a rabbit out of a hat, or rather a blunting bash script from a terminal window.

Daodos is, well, complicated. He's a die hard Nintendo whore, yet he also has a twinkle in his eye for Sony (it's a long story, involving a PSP accident). Therefore it is only fitting that he face himself. Special cameo by Butters.

Tenshimaru once again finds himself up against a battalion of zomboys. But this time, they are of a Wii variety, minuscule in size and lacking the true clarity of the next-gen. Advantage: zombWiis. Unless something really spectacular comes from that gun of his.

Begin Bracket I...

Chapter 35 by Daodos

And so, we start the first round of the The Penultimate Fanboy Tournie. VEZQUEX vs. HAMSTER O' DOOM!!! These competitors have a grudge that's lasted for, well, 6 days or so? It is believed that Hamster of Doom was the cause of the SARS breakout in Japan, plus he told Vezquex that he looked fat in those pants. Vezquex, although being a master of techjitsu, has decided to take him on in a sumo match. This fight is brought to you by McDonalds Japan, "Would you like a purified shrimp burger with that?"

V: I have been training for this moment... a whole week or so... to take you down! (p-_-)p
H: I'm not that bad of a guy; I'm just you're biggest fan...
V: Sure...
H: No, it's true! I have the plush collection.
V: Not good enough! My favorite's the plush Jack Thompson, $9.95 at our groups store.

And Vezquex charges at Hamster of Doom. Hamster of Doom... Does the thousand hand slap! Vezquex jumps back and waits, waits, and waits some more... Hamster of Doom has suddenly got tired of flailing like a fish and starts skipping like a doe... Oh, Vezquex performs a take down and now has a... chair! A chair! That's not in sumo wrestling! Who gave that to him? Oh wait, he's using the chair to sit down. Hamster starts recovering and is up on his feet. Boy, I bet he wishes he had some coconuts now... Oh, and he's got a chair too now! And he sits down as well. Well, this is boring... It seems they both have caught their breath and are fighting again. Now it's pure sumo: they both have each other around the waist, trying to take the other one down... They try to push the other up, but that just pushing themselves down... The stage is now breaking as they struggle with each other! They both have a heart attack though! After they're resuscitated, they decide to settle this like men, by playing MUSICAL CHAIRS!!! Round and round they go, when they stop no one knows... And they both sit in the chairs... Wait you can't play two-player musical chairs with two chairs! The officials have now decided to decide the winner through a game of Tetris... But they have to use dance pads!

H: Odin Dammit! That announcer gets on my nerves!
V: I know; I mean; he only told the half-truth!
H: Luckily, I am a Tetris champ...
V: Yah, well I'm a DDR champ...

And I can't make out what there saying but if I am as good at reading lips as I think I am, there talking about amps... STD amps, and crustless amps... Oh and while I was talking we missed the conclusion, I thin...

H + V: SHUT UP! >_< >_<
*flying coconuts and CDs*

And I'm dying... Well, maybe I will be reincarnated as something beneficial to society, like a terrorist. Ughhhh!!!

V: ...
H: ...

V: Tie?
H: Tie.

And it's a tie! I am your newer, more handsome announcer, who was appointed as the last announcer's dying wish—
I'm not dead ye—
*laser beams*
—death wish and shall continue to preserve his spirit... He lives on in all of us...

H─┬─V      M─┬─B      D─┬─D      T─┬─zW      
  └H+V─┬─────┘          └────┬─────┘
             One Champion

Chapter 36 by Tenshimaru

After a heated battle between Vezquex and HamsterOfDoom, we move on to another (and hopefully just as violent) battle. Our contestants are Mikeagun, defending his title as smart-guy of all time, and Brille, a newcomer to the team.

M: (^_^) WOOT!!! I'm gonna win!
B: Hey! That's what I'm supposed to say.

The two combatants square off on opposite corners of the field (a giant mousepad) and prepare to fight. Mikeagun pulls out his weapon of choice, the keyboard that he uses to control his psychic powers, while Brille puts on a pair of sunglasses.

Announcer: Let's have a nice fair-
M: GO!!!
Announcer: -match.

The two brainy titans launch themselves at eachother, ready to...well, not kill...seriously injure...yeah, that's it...seriously injure eachother. At the last second, Mikeagun presses Ctrl+Alt+Win+Cmd+Caps+Tab+Esc+T on his keyboard in an attempt to teleport...but the command does not work! Mikeagun is knocked off his feet by the blast from Brille's weapon, an amped-up tuba mouthpiece!

B: HAH! Your keyboard has fallen prey to my computer virus! It's useless now!
M: Not quite. HOMEROWED!!!

Mike agun smashes Brille in the head with the now (almost) usless keyboard. Brille's tuba mouthpiece goes flying across the mousepad and lands several yards...exscuse me...meters (stupid American standard system, base ten is much better) away from him. Mikeagun advances on Brille for the final blow, but the devious government employee has other plans!


A large swarm of sunglasses flys down from out of nowhere, catching Mikeagun off gaurd. Mikeagun is thrown to the ground. But, what's this? Mikeagun has thrown his keyboard at the last second! It knocks several pairs of the attacking sunglasses aside and hits Brille squrarely between the eyes...well, lenses.

Announcer: Brille is out of the fight! Mikeagun wins!

But Mikeagun has fallen over on his face, thus making this second round a tie! Amazing, two ties in a row! It's unheard of! This battle is over, but there are still more to come! To be continued...

H─┬─V      M─┬─B      D─┬─D      T─┬─zW      
  └H+V─┬─M+B─┘          └────┬─────┘
             One Champion

Chapter 37 by Daodos

And now we are at the next match, Daodos vs. Daodos! How this happened can only be explained through a long, boring movie by M. Night Shyamalan! Evil twins? Aliens? Mirrors? How is this happening, and how will it end?
D: Hey, what the heck are you?
D2: I'm you... But not as dumb... >_-
D: Are you OK? ^_-
D2: Yah, I twitch a lot. Let's just say, "Don't take you're grandma to a wet T-Shirt contest."
D: But how are you here?
D2: Oh... let's say, "A wizard did it." NO! I am your evil side, from which your void of madness  has escaped.
D: Cool! Let's call you ED!
ED: What?! No, I am the real Daodos, and you're just a copy! Don't change my abbreviation!
D: I thought you said you were my copy?
V: Start the fight, and maybe you'll kill each other!
Crowd: Yah! Fight! Fight! Fight! Oh, a bird! Fight! Fight!

And so, at the request of our crowd with ADD, we begin the 3rd match! Who will prevail? Googlygoo, or Boogoolyboo?!?
D: Fine! I will show you the power of love! [V(V+ >)>+Punch] VICTORY CANNON!1!
D: Yah! That will show him. Nothing beats victory from love! =^_^=
ED: Succumb! [PunchPunchPunchPunchEnergy] 2-THUMBS DOWN1!1
ED: Crap! Did I forget to TiVO The Simpsons?


And they cancel each other out!
ED: Damn it I 'm supposed to be stronger then you? Don't you watch TV?
D: O_o?
ED: The villain is always stronger than the hero until one of his friends sacrifice themselves for you!
B: Theres you're problem. I don't Think anyone of us would even take a bullet for each other.
Party: *nods politely*
???: Wait stop this fight!
Crowd: *gasps*
???: It is [BUT]TERS!
D: Butters! My old rival! Are you here to cheer me on?
But: Actually, I'm here to tell you that you have no hope of winning.
D: Why's that?
But: Because I don't want you to. *stabs*
D: Hmm? Cool! I'm a Dao-Kibab!    <-^_^--|
???: Noooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!
Crowd: *gasps* Not again!

Can someone please lock the doors or something!?
???: How dare you hurt Daodos!
T: By Zeus' car bed, it's a generic catgirl! (Cat)
Cat: If he dies, how will I make good tips? I'm a waitress at the sushi place. (The only thing Daodos can't resist: girls with cat ears and food.)
But: Yah, well he ate the last of the pizza! I was saving that, but no... He was hungry again...
Cat: Die!

And so a fight from out of nowhere starts. WTF is going on?!?!
D: ^_^' Damn stalkers!
ED: Tell me about it; I mean—I can't walk down the street without being harassed by Cloud fanatics! Wait! *draws weapon*
D: NO! A gigantic flat cheese grater... How dare you? *draws peeler*

And so the battle resumes, with peeler vs. grater. Both are trained in the art of ridiculous sword sizes! Damn you, FF7; another victim is added to your list! Blow for blow is met in stunning clinks and flashes!

D: Wait... Blood loss! <->_-;--|
ED: And so the villain wins!
H: Daodos! Use the butter!

Wait Daodos appears to be peeling Butters' butter blade with his peeler!
D: I'll kill you like I did articulate Daodos!
*throws buttered peeler at ED and pierces his heart*
ED: No! My cholesterol! I'll be back, and next time, with something like a claw or a cat!
*throws flashbang and runs away*

And so Daodos wins by a fluke! Now to start the next match!
M: Uhhh... I think he needs medical help. He's not going to un-impale himself.
D: No, it's OK. I'll just lie here while Tenshi does his fight. Don't get lost on your way to the arena!
T: What about the catgirl and Butters? Shouldn't they move?
D: Hmmm? Oh, they'll tire out soon. They're not in the arena anyway. Man, will they sleep good tonight! We should all have a sleepover. We can have food and braid each others' hair and tell ghost stories. Speaking of which, does anyone know where my catgirl plushie is? I get night terrors without it. -_-;

And so the battle of cliches is over. Well, it seems Daodos has lots of friends and enemies. I mean—how could you hate him. He's a cool, harmless guy, and—WHO THE HELL ATE MY MUFFIN! God dammit. Well, forget it. ZombWiis vs. Tenshimaru is next!

H─┬─V      M─┬─B      D─┬─D      T─┬─zW            But─┬─Cat
  └H+V─┬─M+B─┘          └──D─┬─────┘                  ???
             One Champion

[Notes: I put it off, and off, and finally did it. Ironically, the clown of us made this one the most serious and plot driven chapter yet! I felt ashamed of this post in some ways and proud in others. I do like this tournament arc, though. I feel we should run with this and make this a good part of our ongoing legend! I was such a badass in this post, though. I had a giant peeler in sword fashion, a hotblooded attack, a rival, an evil twin, my catch phrase was used, and I had a girl, and I won. WTF? Well, I am pretty vain; I didn't realize how cool I was 'til I posted this. Well, whatever. On with the show! Oh, and when ED and I were doing our hot-blooded attacks, the combinations were from fighting games. Mine was the classic Hadoken Combo from Street Fighter, and ED's was a combo that does the Kamehameha in the DBZ fighting games.]

Chapter 38 by Tenshimaru

It's the final match of the preliminary rounds. So far there have been two ties and a win against one's self. And now we have the epic battle you have all been waiting for. Tenshimaru vs. ZombWiis! In order to win this battle Tenshimaru will have to defeat...excuse me... It seems there has been a change in the entrys. Instead of fighting the ZombWiis, Tenshimaru will fight...Sir Winston Churchill! The devious Briton will be hard to defeat, but I'm sure Tenshimaru will at least come out in one piece—
T: HEY!!! Have some confidence!

Anyway... Let the match begin!
T: I'll take you down!
W: I think not. Only a Briton can win this match. You're not a Briton, so you lose. Cheerio!
T: What's a Briton?
W: EAT...scus me...DRINK TEA!!!

Winston begins to throw tea cups filled with scalding tea. Tenshimaru dodges the cups neatly, and draws the UGWT.
T: I may not be a Briton (whatever that is), but I've got a big gun. FIRE!!!
W+W: Egad!!!
W+W: Hah! Now you have no way to defeat me! Have some biscuits!!!

Winston Churchill launches a storm of biscuits at Tenshimaru. Tenshimaru dodges the first few, but then is hit by another wave.
T: Too...much...chocolaty...goodness!
???: Don't worry, Tenshimaru, I'll get one of 'em, you take the other!
T: Huh?
???: Zoom!!! ZoomZoomZoomZoomZoomZoomZoomZoomZoomZoomZoom!!!

Huh? Who is this new warrior that has...well...zoomed onto the field?
???: Hi, Tenshi! I'm Zoomer! I'm a little hyper right now, but I'll calm down after the adrenalin high of battle.
T: Oh...Hi, Zoomer.

Zoomer...well...zooms across the battlefield and proceeds to beat the Churchill clone to a pulp. Tenshimaru beats the living daylights out of the other Sir Winston with his useless UGWT.

The winner is...scus me...winners...are Tenshimaru and Zoomer.
T: Yes! I win!
Z: You mean we win.
T: Yeah! Wait, how come you're not all crazy?
Z: I told you! The battle is over. I calm down after the battle.
T: Oh, right.
Z: So, the real reason I came here was to ask you a question. Can I join the team?
T: Sure, why not?
Z: Cool!

So the score is set, Tenshimaru and the team's new member, Zoomer, have won the match! On to the second set! Who will prevail over all the others? Well, that's up to the people who write this thing.

H─┬─V      M─┬─B      D─┬─D      T─┬─W            But─┬─Cat
  └H+V─┬─M+B─┘          └──D─┬─T+Z─┘                 ???
             One Champion

Later, in Tenshimaru's room.
T: (looking at the UGWT) Man, this thing stinks! I gotta get a better weapon!

Chapter 39 by Daodos

The first round of the tourney was over and everyone had gone to their all expenses paid hotel rooms furnished by Embassy Suites. They were all snug in there beds, dreaming of Wiis and 360s, except for Daodos, who was locked in the arena.

D: *yawns* Where did ya go, Pacman Pizza? I wasn't done eating you—you and you're stupid power pellets. Oh, it's night. Who won? *stares at results board* What? I'm the only one without a partner? How the hell did that happen, and what the hell is a "Zoomer"?! And ...Sir Winston Churchill! I thought I killed him...

*various fighting yells*

D: Wow, people are still fighting over me! Why don't chicks like this again? Whoever wins gets to be my partner in the next round. That OK, disembodied announcer dude?

Whatever... I'm rooting for Brille. He's dashing.
D: Don't forget hunky.

Yah! That too.
But: ??? -_-? Screw that! I'm going home. I have a job or something anyway. Oh, and LoR. He's like a pocket Brille, without glasses. *throws flashbang and runs away*
D: Dammit where does everyone get a flashbang!

Cat: Hazaa! Giant Sporks rule! What's the prize anyway?

Meanwhile, in Tenshi and Zoomer's room, Tenshimaru draws up blueprints for his next weapon...
T: So here is the Hemi, and here's the atomic core, and here's where the freakin' sweet tassels will go. And it will cost under $1000! ^_^
Z: Uh, Tenshi you just made a PS3...
T: Dammit! Let's try again...

H─┬─V      M─┬─B      D─┬─D      T─┬─W            But─┬─Cat
  └H+V─┬─M+B─┘          └D+Ct┬─T+Z─┘                 ???
             One Champion

Chapter 40 by Vezquex

The crowd is quiet in anticipation. 20 minutes passes. Murmurs begin to emanate from the crowd. Where the hell are they? Wait, I see some—Yes, Daodos and Catgirl are approaching the ring. Took long enough. A hush falls over the crowd; Catgirl seems to be wheeling out a dessert cart with a mound obscured by a velvet cloth.
D: Thank you all for coming. As you may know, I have been engaged in an internal battle over support for Nintendo or Sony. Yesterday, I was going to settle that once and for all, by fighting, and hopefully beating, myself. I had been unable to figure out how to do this, as the thought of pain preempted any act of violence I might take against myself, and I would end up curled into a ball, sucking my thumb. Fortunately, I was rudely interrupted by a certain clone/evil twin. But before that occurred, the plan had been to play a timed Chess match against myself.

Catgirl unsheathes the cloth to reveal a chess set.
D: Mikeagun has thoughtfully constructed a special Chess timer for the match, which has the added bonus of blowing up whomever goes over the time limit. Let's all give him big sarcastic round of applause.
M: (applause in the background) Thank you! Thank you! It was nothing.
D: (applause tapers off) So how does it work?
M: Well, as you can see, after you hit the clock, this clay figure on the skate board rolls down to the other side of the see-saw. He is sculpted of pure rubidium. When the timer goes off, these hatches open up, exposing a tank of water on each side. When the rubidium skater drowns in the tank of water, it is what scientists refer to as "going boom".
D: Sounds fair. Anyway, rather than let this marvelous device go to waste, we will settle this match like civilized Russian computers in a battle of tag team wits.

137 teh m47ch b3g1n!!!1~!!1@~@'2@1' Whoa, how did I start talking like that?
Cat: String to Yarn-4.
Z: Yarn? Where? *zoooms away*
T: Wait! You forgot to tag me!
D: (head in hands) Stupid, stupid, stupid. Cats don't know how to play Chess.
T: Checkmate!
D: (relieved) And Tenshi doesn't either!
50 f4r, *clears throat* no moves have been made. 25:17 left on the clock for Tenshimaru; 30:00 for Daodos.
T: (reading) Pawn to E-3. *clocks*
D: Damn, why did I get him that Chess strategy guide for Christmas? He asked for candy... Let's see here...
Cat: Pawn to F-6.
D: *clocks* I didn't tag you!
T: Pawn to A-4.
T: Oh! right. *clocks*
D: Pawn to H-5. *clocks*
Z: Aha! Gotcha. Queen to—
T: For the love of God!
Z: —H-Five.
T: *desperately clocks*
D: *reaching*
Cat: (licking paw) I wouldn't do that if I were you.
D: It's our only move; get back to flaunting your tight body to the perverted Japanese crowd. Rook takes Queen. *clocks* Hey, where'd he go?

Look! Tenshimaru appears to be standing in the tempura line. 19:55 left for Tenshimaru and Zoomer.
T: Hm hm hm. Ahh, Hai, itsu tempura onegai. (T_T) IKURA? (submitting) Douzo. (They better not forget the seaweed sauce.)
Z: Wiiiiiiiiii! Look at me! I'm on speeeeeeeeed! (!_!)
D: Finally, someone used a different emoticon.
Z: (whilst doing) Iwillnowcrackhehisaidcrackopentheclockan
D: This can't be legal. Judges?

Chirping of crickets.

D: Well then, I guess nobody'll mind if I switch a few of these pieces around...
T: That was delicious. Nothing could ruin this day.

[!--Begin split screen animation
D: *agape*
Clock: *beep*
Z: Zooooooooom.
Cat: Reoowwww.
Clock: *beepity*
T: *drops tempura, also agape*
Doomed, I say!
D: *still agape*
Clock: *squeakity*
H: (reading) Not Hagrid!
D: *still agape*
T: *licks fingers*
Z: *passes out*
Clock: *eep*
D: *still agape*
T: NO!
D: *still agape*
D: *still agape*
B: I can't see a thing in these sunglasses.
H: (reading) Not Hagrid!
Cat: *examines claws*
Clock: Zero.
End split screen animation--]

(frozen with shock) Everyone is frozen with shock.
D: *still agape*
T: (frozen with shock) Are we dead yet? Mike?
M: I wasn't worried; it only had a 99% chance of going off.
V: (frozen with shock) I think I'm going to kill you.
M: Come on! We've been through worse. Remember the bomb that almost killed us?
Z: (revived) Does that mean we win? (Man, I've gotta stop ODing.)
T: No, you random piece of character, that means we lose; you cheated.
W: This reminds me of the time I was throwing back a few quarts of gin with old Franklin D.—
Z: Can it, Winston. *kapow*
W: (dazed) That's Sir Winston!

H─┬─V      M─┬─B      D─┬─D      T─┬─W*           But─┬─Cat
  └H+V─┬─M+B─┘          └D+Ct┬─T+Z─┘                 ???
             One Champion

                                              *lump on head

Later, in the hotel room, we hear an explosion casually sound.
M: Psssst. You hear that, Vezquex?
V: *yawns* Myuh?
M: That's the bomb leveling the arena. You don't have to kill me after all.
V: Myuh? Mheh. Good. Me need now sleep. *conks out*
M: But where will we finish the tournament?

Where indeed? And what is the condition of Sir Winston Churchill? Will he make it through the night, or will Zoomer get his fifth strike (baseball is weird in Japan) and be put away for good?

Second round finale next!@ Location ???. Will it be the nTH tie? And where will Zoomer get his next fix? All this and more on the next episode of Very Deliberately Trying and Failing at the Entertaining of Debonaires.

Chapter 41 by Tenshimaru

After several heated battles between VDTaF, the second round is almost over! Daodos is just one of the final contestants. The other...we'll find out soon enough.
Announcer: And now for the final match of the second round! Vezquex and Hamster Of Doom vs. Mikeagun and Brille! Today's battle will be played in...the Parliament Building in England!
D: So that's where we're having the rest of the tournament! How predictable...
Announcer: That's right, folks! The match will begin shortly. We are waiting for one of the contestants, but I'm sure he will show up soon. So hang tight and we'll begin in a few minutes!

In Tenshimaru's hotel room...

T: (flipping through a catalog) ...Katana, no, broadsword, no, wakizashi, no, too short. Aren't there any good weapons in here. *turns the page* Wait a minute... sword-chucks! AWESOME! *dials phone* Hello, this is Tenshimaru. Yeah, I'd like to order your sword chucks. How much? ... ... WOW! That's a great deal. Yeah sure, send 'em over! 8-6 WEEKS!!! I can't wait that long! Oh, well. Thanks, bye.

5 days later, back at the arena...

Announcer: We are still waiting for the last contestant. Normally, there would be an automatic forfeit, but since the judges are blind mutes, as far as I can tell, I think the match will be postponed for 8-6 weeks. You can all come back later.
Crowd: BOO!!! HISS!!!
Scrooge: BAH, HUMBUG!!!

At the team's hotel...

T: Hey, Mr. Counter Guy! Did my package come today?
Mr. Counter Guy: *sigh* No, Tenshimaru. It'll be another 8-6 weeks before you get it.
T: Darn.

8-6 weeks later, on the day of the match...

Announcer: Hello, Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome back to the last round of the semifinals! The last contestant will be here any minute, and if he's not we'll just continue the rest of the match anyway.
V: What a relief! Brille's not gonna make it. I thought we were gonna have to take on both of them.
H: I think we could handle them. We're invincible... mostly.
V: Yah, but there's no way we could take on both of them. They've got two smart people. We've only got one.

A wandering laser ambles by on its lonely course...

H: Yeah, but I think... Hey! You just called me stupid!
V: See? There's the proof... It took you that long to figure it out.
H: Why I oughta...
V: Oughta what?

What's this? HamsterOfDoom is savagely attacking Vezquex! His team mate is raining equally punishing blows on Hamster! What has this tournament come to?
M: I think the term would be infighting.

I suppose you're right. Well all we can do is wait this out.
Meanwhile, at the hotel...

T: Did my package come today?
Mr. Counter Guy: As a matter of fact, it did!
T: Cool! *grabs package and heaves it over to the elevator*
Mr. Counter Guy: Whew! I'll be glad to get rid of him!

Back in Tenshimaru's room...

T: (-_-) Okay, Tenshimaru calm down... WOOHOOOOOO!!! It came, it came, it came!!!

Tenshimaru opens the box and...Brille pops out holding the sword-chucks over his head.

T: ???
B: ???
T: Brille, what... What were you doing in there?
B: I dunno. Here're your sword-chucks.
T: Thanks.
B: *looks at watch* Uh oh. I'm gonna be late for the match!

Brille runs to the Parliament Building. He arrives just in time; the match is about to start.

B: Huff...huff... Hey, Mikeagun. What's going on?
M: *points*
H: I'll...never...let...you...forget that!
V: I...can...make...you...forget...it!

Both contestants collapse on the ground. The fans cheer.

M: Well...I guess we won.
B: I...guess...

So the semifinals are done, leaving Brille and Mikeagun the victors. Tenshimaru has finally got a new weapon—

T: These things are AWESOME!!!

—and Vezquex and HamsterOfDoom are kicking themselves for letting their rivalry tear them apart. In our grand conclusion, Daodos, his massive girth (yes, Daodos's girth counts as a character) and his Catgirl battle Brille and Mikeagun for the Penultimate Championship.

H─┬─V      M─┬─B      D─┬─D      T─┬─W*           But─┬─Cat
  └H+V─┬─M+B─┘          └D+Ct┬─T+Z─┘                 ???
             One Champion

                                        *critical condition

Chapter 42 by Vezquex

Welcome to beautiful London, England (a subsidiary of Jaguar) for the championship match of the 29th bi-annual Penultimate Fanboy Tournament. Grab a churro and get comfortable, because this is your penultimate chance to see our contestants in an all-out brawl for meaningless superiority.
D: Prepare to be annihilated!
B: On the contrary! It is you who should prepare to be annihilated.
M: Enough chit chat. *Ctrl+Alt*—
???: Order! Order! We have to get this bill passed now if we want to get home in time for Christmas.
M: I hate when I'm interrupted mid keystroke.
D: WTF? Where did all these geezers come from?
Cat: Yes, where did all these handsome geezers come from?
Tony Blair: Who are these people? The parliament does not tolerate this kind of behavior. Especially when we have such a pristine guest in our midst. Security?
Tony Blair: Damn, I knew we shouldn't have cut them from the budget.
QEII: Oh, let them have their fun.
Tony Blair: But, my Queen, they are making a mockery of our country.
B: And how!
QEII: And who might you be, good sir?
B: I'm Brille. I'm dashing.
D: Don't pay attention to him, he's just a minor character from the future.
QEII: Well carry on with your little tournament.
Catgirl: Thanks, lady!
QEII: *sighs* Kids...

The action resumes.
M: *Ctrl+Alt+Shift+4*
Catgirl: Ahhhhh! I'm drowning in pence.
D: You'd drown in anything. I'll fish you out.
Catgirl: Did somebody say fish?
D: I'm blinded! Damn the glint off of Brille's sunglasses.
B: But I paid extra for the non-reflective coating.
D: Then why can't I see? *trips*
QEII: My word!

The wandering laser is back. In two sweeps, half the parliament is incinerated. Daodos has tripped over its beam. The Queen is cowering under her throne.
QEII: What is this cruel fire from God?
Laser: Hey, I have feelings too.
ALL: ???

In a surprising turn of events, it seems that the wandering laser is in fact a sentient being with the ability to communicate and feel emotions.
Laser: And this is news why?
T: I knew it all along.
V: (sarcastically) Oh yah, it was totally obvious.
M: No! My whole understanding of the world has come crashing down.
Laser: I honestly don't see what the big deal is.
D: Will anyone survive the extreme heat? Who will win the tournament? What will become of the Queen?

Do you guys even need me anymore? I feel so loved. T_T

Chapter 43 by Daodos

D: And so, with the Announcer trying to commit suicide, I am now the announcer! My lines get to be italicized! ^_^
T: Aren't you still fighting?

D: Crap. Uh...Hamster of Doom! You're announcer now!
H: Yahoo! Suddenly lightning strikes Vezquex!
V: Not cool!
L: Well...I see I have arrived at a bad time, uh—
M: Hold i'! You hath smi'en tha' of the people under the Queen!
B: Are you British?
M: Maybe...Le's just say I like English muffins be'er 'an regular muffins.
L: Well, whatchya gonna do, huh? What, punk?!
M: This. *pulls out mirror*

H: Why, it's a mirror, the lasers only weakness, besides a Brille centerfold.
M: *deflec's laser beam*
L: I'll be back! In the sequel! *twinkle*
B: Well, what do we do now?
D: Ooh. Let's settle this in a PS3 contest. Whoever can kill the other with a PS3 first wins!
M: We don' have funding for tha'.

H: And so, 10 minutes later our beloved heroes (and Vezquex) are engage in a rousing round of Wii Sports, baseball to be exact...
B: All right, I pitch! Stupid Mii isn't dashing.
C: And I swing! *snap*
D + C+M + B:  OwO

H: The strap has snapped, and sent the Wiimote flying around the room; there is blood everywhere! *plop* What's that? Oh my god, It's a foot! *faints*
V:  Time to run!
QEII: The devil you will! You killed as much as the Black Death. And apparently, there's a SARS outbreak.
H: *recovers* I never caused SARS! It's all coincidence!
T: Yay, let's run fast!
V + D + T + M + H + B + Z: RUN AWAY!
Tony Blair: Wait! Cat, don't leave. We can star' the first Tea and Sushi Restauran' in England!
C: *ponders* Death or Sushi. OK!
D: What? NO!  >_> I'm useless withou' you! How will I like creepy now? Tha's i' Tony! You're on the lis' o' people t' peel t' death!
T: No time! Must run!

And so, going through S.A. (Suicide Anonymous), I regained control of the narrating job and lived happily ever after. Oh, But the rest ran like hell with vengeance and banishment from England.
D: (sobbing) I am never gonna trust a Briton again... *glares at Mikeagun*
V + D + T: (sobbing) Me neither. Damn Sir Winston! *joins glare*
M: I'm no' Bri'ish, I jus' play one in a production I'm in.
B: Dust to dust, water under the bridge, there's plenty of catfish and sirs in the sea, etc...
V: What are you talking about? Daodos barely knew Cat. And Tenshi, Sir Winston's a Zombie or something. Get over it.
D + T: *cries*
Z: Well, I signed up with a group of freaks!
H: You'll fit in some way or another! ^_^ Emoticons work well!
Z: ...T_T b
H: That's the spirit!

And so, our heroes take time to heal, as they ponder what the hell happened.

Chapter 44 by HamsterOfDoom

Vezquex wrote:

I am severely tempted to delete this chapter, or pare it down to a few lines. Hamster, you need to study the formatting a little closer. I tolerate Daodos in this respect because of his wonderful ideas, but in your case, not only is the formatting and spelling atrocious, but it fails to add much of any value to the series. Another problem you have, is with continuity. If you had bothered to read Chapter 43, you would have known that Laser is gone for now. I appreciate your effort (you've definitely captured the spirit), but I am not willing to compromise the integrity out of friendliness. Perhaps we should start an unofficial VDT spamfest for any work not meeting the criteria, so that maybe one day you or others could make the cut. Please respond within 48 hours lol XD.

our heroes are confused, lost, depressed, they still dont know what the hell happend back in England, so they take a moment to reflect on thier journey so far, our heroes have decided to (for once) talk to each other about thier feelings, and thoughts about thier important quest and about each other
T + V + H + D + L + D + B: (stares at narrator)
D: what the hell are you talking about? i dont wanna talk about my feelings!
H: WE didnt decide to do this stupid "talking circle" it was Mikeagun who said we needed to do this crap.
M: hey! it will be good for us! it's time we laid down all our feelings down an on the table so we can sort through all the issues we have with each other.
B: i dont have feelings, all i need is my dashingness!
V: (rolls eyes) what do you mean "issues"? i cant sense any hatred in our little group. HEY! Tenchi! stop trying to materialize cows over HamsterOfDoom!
H: WHA!? (dives away)
T: aww man! (puts away his UGWT)
M: i can sense turbulent feelings in all of you, you people NEED to sort out your anger!
L: Great! let me go first, all my life people never have listened to me! now i can talk!
V: what do you mean no one listened to you?
L: im a freakin laser! every time i talked, everyone around me screamed and ran away, or had a heart attack!
V: O_O
M: now, laser, why dont we start with your childhood....
L: -_- my name is Lincoln. anyways, me father and Mothr often fought, and i remember once when i was just a little flicker of light....
and so, Lincoln's tragic childhood tales go on. It's a tale of desperation, of betrayal, and yes, of course, love.
H + V + L+B+T + D: (stares at narrator)
L: er, i havent started yet, once i said "flicker of light" you started ranting about my life eing some reject tragedy.

Oh...sorry...I like talking.
D: (rolls eyes) yes, we have known that for quite some time now
M: argh! we NEED to work out our problems!
H: well, i felt pretty betrayed when Tenchi beated me into a bloody pulp way back when...
T............oh yeah! with my UGWT!! (bursts out laughing) that was awesome!
H: but it HURT! (sobs)
V: ugh, we cant have Hamster sobbing like douchebag, Tenchi say your sorry!
T: no way! why should i apologize to the master of coconuts over here?

And so, it looks like our heroes have accomplished nothing in this whole post (so what else is new?) will our heroes overcome thier our hatred toward each other?
D: we dont have hatred toward each other!! Hamster is just way to sensistive!
H: oh, i can still feel the pain!!
T: shutup!

See what I mean? Hatred!

Chapter 45 by Vezquex

H: No! No!!! Agh!!! *jumps up*

It appears that Hamster of Doom has finally awoken from a nightmare that shook his very being.
H: No, worse, we were all talking...about our feelings!
V: That's terrible!!!
B: Yah guys, don't talk about their feelings.
M: Wait, that is a good idea!
H: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!! @_@ *jumps up*

It appears that Hamster of Doom has awoken from a vile dream that was devouring his soul!!!
H: Alright, we're not going to do one of those dream loops where I keep waking up, OK?
Z: Don't worry; you're not dreaming anymore; Tenshimaru is just possessed by Jack Thompson.
H: That makes sense... What? >_<
M: Yah, he was trying to sue us while you were passed out. We suspect that it is the evil soul of Jack Thompson who Tenshi devoured (Chapter 19).
T: How dare you cite previous chapters? I will have you're 401k for that!
D: It's OK, Tenshimaru. Here, this will make you feel better. *punches in face* (9^_^)-0 (X_<)
T: I...will...not...be...silenced...ugh... *passes out*
B: Alright, who wants tacos!!!
H: Yes! I love tacos!
B: Too bad they're just shoes filled with bugs.
M: Yes, we should find some food somewhere.
Z: Let's go to my native land of Sweden to catch fish!
D: OMG! I love starchy wax fish!

And so, a short trip later the gang ends up in Sweden so they can catch sweet, sweet Swedish fish!
Z: Look! My old fishing lake!
M: It's a puddle.
Z: Oh, yah I forgot, it's over there! *points east*
M: And that's a mountain. Are you even Swedish?!
Z: >_> <_< V_V No...
D: Damn, I want Swedish fish!

Don't worry; our luck will change soon. *pats on back*
B: Well, luckily I have ancestors here. Let's ask them for help!

Chapter 46 by Tenshimaru

After many days of searching, our intrepid adventurers stumble upon Zoomer's lake of Swedish Fish.  With rods in hand, they begin the conquest of the general area...

Z: Take that... and that... and that!!!
V: Zoomer, what are you doing? We're just going fishing. And what do you mean, "conquest of the general area"?

Well, that seems to be your thing... I just thought-

D: Well you thought wrong, and now your gonna pay! (^_^)b I always wanted to say that.
T: Anyway... Let's go fishing!

Our heros comb the lake for sweet sustinance. Little do they know, something is afoot... or a-fin...

—Ba-dum clang—

V: No, Tenshi, that was just the response to the narrator's bad joke.
T: Oh... Right.
ALL: What???
V: Who're you?
ALL: Oh, I'm just the combined voice of everyone in this play...
V: What? We don't need you... Go away.
ALL: Awww.
V: Anyway...
A+D + T + M + uhh... oh the heck with iT: What???
D: Nothing, I just wanted to say that.
V: Oh...

Suddenly the Mother of All Swedish Fish (MOASF???) jumps out of the lake and begins to flail around, pummeling our hapless heros!

T: Ooh... He put four exclamation marks after that one.
V: Oh, and I meant it too.
D: Look out, Zoomer!!!

Zoomer zips-

Z: Zooms.

-sorry, zooms out of the way just in time. However, The Hapless Hamster (oops, sorry, HamsterOfDoom) is flattened by the fish.

D: Look out, Hamster!!!
H: (X_X) Thanks for the warning!!!
V: Ah, nobody liked him anyway...
T: I thought he was alright.
V: You did?
T: No, I lied...

As Tenshimaru looks upward he sees the great fish's tail swinging his way. With no time to move out of the way, he closes his eyes and bravely awaits his fate...

T: *poof (dream cloud pops)* unhhhh... huh?? wha? where am I? On the moon!!?? How'd I get here?
V: You fell asleep on the way up.
T: *looks around* Huh, where's my UGWT?
V: Your UG-What???
T: UGWT! The Uber Gigantic Weapon Thing!!! Don't you remember?

*crickets chirping*

T: It must have all been a dream...
V: That must have been one wild dream.
T: (^_^) Yeah, I ate Jack Thompson!

*crickets chirping... again*

T: Oh, nevermind...
V: Well anyway, we're here! Welcome to the moon!

So Tenshimaru wakes up to find that the whole thing was a dream (or was it???) and that the gang has traveled to the moon for a game of Wii Bowling (???).

T: Wait, if we're on the moon... how do we breathe???


Chapter 47 by Daodos

Tenshi was out cold in a puddle of his own blood talking about the moon, everyone was huddled around questionably.

M: Uhhh, I think he got hit pretty hard...
D: Nah, he's just sleeping, that's why he's twitching all like that...
T: *In his dream* What a wonderful land of wonder!!! *Cue choclate land music* Theres no Hamster of Doom, I never get lost and theres a giant head of Daodos... Wait, Daodos?!

D: I will bring you to life!!! *Gives CPR*
T: *Awakened* Mphhphph!!!
D: He's alive!!!! I am a beautiful healer!!!
T: *Coughing up pizza* Hack, what the hell were you doing! You should have let me die!
V: But Tenshi, who would we make fun of, Mikeagun is smarter then us, and who would pick up after Zoomer's mess!? He's you're responsibility!
ALL:Weren't we fighting a giant Swedish fish!?
M: Oh ya, he's been busy with Daodos since he revived Tenshi...
V: You have to do something Tenshimaru! You're his only hope!
T: Forget that! He made me miss the candy train to the stars, now I am going to do what I should have done earlier, *Uses sword-chucks and cuts self badly* Goodnight!!! *dies*

Why don't you three do something!?

V: Meh, they're replaceable.

Meanwhile, in Hell...

H: Wow, this place is cool! It has a hot tub, a cute  little doggy, and these midgets with horns are pretty funny!
Satan: Welcome Hamster of Doom! You shall face agony through the sins you have committed in life! Now lets check you're history! *WikiHell pops up* Hmmm... It says here that you once ate someones Birthday cake without sharing... How do you plead!
H: That was Ham O' Doom, not Hamster of Doom.
S: Ohh, quite sorry.
H: No problem... So do they have any videogames down here?
S: No, not since this "Tenshimaru" ate Jack Tohmpson, Infact if he finds out I am dilly-dallying he'll cut my pay.

D: *Falls from sky* AHhhhhhhhh!!! *Into ground* I must have stumbled into the fishes colon... Not long before I reach the end..
H: Daodos! Guess what!? Were in hell, awesome huh!?
S: Daodos!!! Oh my come this way! We have special treatments for sinners like you!
D: I don't sin, I make unruly decisions!
H: Wait, if we beat you in a game of you're choice, can we leave!?
S: Huh, Sure but if you fail you to beat me, you have to work as Jack Thompson's secretary.
D: Don't do it Hamster! Remember all the paper cuts! It's not worth it!

T: *Falls from sky* AHhhhhhhhh!! *Into Ground*
S: Damn you all to hell! Why must you keep falling from the sky! It's raining idiots!!! 
ALL:Hey that hurts, I mean. We have feelings too! ;-_-;
T: Were is the candy and the breathable moon air! I must have landed on Mars!
H: Damn it Tenshimaru you're in hell!
D: Hey, how many sins did I commit?
S: WikiHell has you featured as there article of the month.

And so, the gang must defeat Satan at a game of his choice before they can escape Hell, but will Satan's lunch break be enough time to finish a game!? Who cares, they're dead and I have a party to go to! *Puts on "viva-la-death-a hat on* Nanana-na, Nanana-na, Hey hey hey, Goodbye!

Back on Earth...

M: They will be missed...
V: No they won't...
M: Ah! We meet again, mister contradictory statement guy!
V: Maybe... I don't want to promise anything till we can fit their bodies in the barrels...
M: I swear to god, were so going to hell for this.

*giant Swedish fish eats Mikeagun, Vezquex, and Zoomer*

Chapter 48 by Vezquex

So, all the characters are dead, including me...
Oh, sorry. I almost drifted into nothingness, although that wouldn't be much of a stretch for a bodiless voice.

B: Hey! I'm still alive and kicking. Anyway, this is all a dream...*wavy lines*


T: Ow, my head is killing me. WTF? We're on the moon again?
D: Ding ding! Correct.
V: Not breathing air to boot!
T: I must have dozed off again. Damn. That makes three or four layers of dreaming at least.


T: Damn it! I need some coffee or something.


D: Dude, I'm gonna poke you with this stick every second to keep you awake.
T: Good, ow, I will, ow, be able to, ow, get my bearings, ow...ow.
V: Let him sleep; he can choose his own reality. If he wants to live in a virtual World of Wonder, then who's to say that his existence is any less real than ours?
D: *smack* Don't get all philosophical on us. You are insulting the turtle that holds the world on its back!
T: *points* Hey, there it is. o=<O.o> *collapses*


Meanwhile, Satan's stomach begins to rumble as the contest of his choice commences during what should have been his lunch break.
Z: Wheeeee! Zoooooom!
T: Don't you ever say anything else?
Z: Noooooooo!
V: He says a myriad of things, but nothing over one syllable.
T: You could learn a lot from him...
H: The heat is killing me. And there are NO COCONUTS TO COOL ME OFF!!!
D: Maybe that's because you keep throwing them?
H: Oh, here's one. *throws at Daodos*
V: Boy, it's lucky your UGWT was big enough to use as a raft down this river of magma.
T: But what if it goes off while we're riding it?

*crickets chirping*

D: We really oughtta do something about those dern crickets.
V: Alright, orienteererers, Hitler's head is cached 4.6m West of here.
M: That can't be right...

S: Here, Adolf. Here, Adolf. I could have cheated so easily, why did I pick this, of all weeks, to try out not being evil? What I wouldn't give for a Pig's Blood with Lime...

Chapter 49 by Tenshimaru

In an unknown region of Hell, Jack Thompson keeps an eye on his subordinates through the security system.

JT: Ah, I see that Satan is wasting time again. I'll have to-
Lackey 1: Mr. Thompson, sir. I-
JT: *blasts lackey into oblivion* What have I told you about interrupting my ranting?! And address me by my proper title.
Lackey 2: Yes, Supreme Overlord of all Hell (who would really be overlord of everything else if it weren't for those meddling kids) Thompson. *pant, pant* We have a problem with the cameras again, Sup-
JT: Just get on with it!
Lackey 2: Yes, sir. Camera 21578 has melted again, sir.
JT: *mutters* We really need to get better heat resistant material. Well then, go fix it!
Lackey 2: Yes, sir.

Back at the orienteering course...

V: OK, now that we've found the left hind leg of Prince Albert's favorite hunting dog, we go on to the... *looks at paper, does double take, looks up at Tenshimaru*
T: What?
V: ...Tenshimaru.
T: What?!
V: No, you're the last item on the list.
T: I'm on the orienteering list?! Cool!
D: Does this mean we win?
V: I guess so.
B: Wow... That was anti-climactic...
D: Yeah, no joke...

*crickets chirping*

D: AAARRRRRGGGHH!!!!!!! Who's making that sound?!
Cricket: I am. What'd you expect, an Elephant?
D: AAARRRRRGGGHH!!!!!!! *kills cricket*
Cricket: Hey, that wasn't cool.
Cricket: Yeah, but this is Hell. I just popped right back in here. *chirps*
D: Will it never end?!

Suddenly, in a burst of flame, Satan appears.

S: YOU WON??!! HOW??
T: I was the last item!!!
S: *slaps forehead* stupid, stupid, stupid...
M: We get to leave now, right?
T: But you said-
S: Never mind what I said! I'm keeping you here FOREVER!!!
V: Hey, that's cheating. Surely that violates some anti-cheating ordinance!

He's right, you know. Hell Rule #478: When Satan is beaten at the contest of his choice, the prisoners must be set free.

T: HAH!!! You heard him!!! Thanks, Mr. Narrator Guy.

No problem.

V: Wow, there's a rule for that specific case?!

And so our heroes are free to leave Hell after their brief stay. But, who knows how soon they will be back again?

JT: Curse you, VDTaF! I will have my revenge, or my name isn't-
Lackey 3: Sir?
JT: AAAAARRRRRGGGHHHH!!!  *blasts Lackey 3*

Chapter 50 by Pyskogorath

And so, turning his hellishly ordinary head around to Lackey 4...

L4: Sir?
L4: Uhhh...yes...sir?
JT: YuhHUHHOOO!?! Ho HO ho who's your daddy?

Sweating profusely, Lackey 4 realizes that with the escape of Vesex, Dosdos, Ninechipiru, and the Escapade of Happiness and Friends, Jack Thompson's unreality matrix has imploded (which is too bad, because it was in a good neighborhood and a wonderful view of the wa-


Alright, alright, Jeez, I don't even know why I do this narration thing anyway; I mean, the pay's horri-

D: We don't pay YOU anything, slave. *whips with peeler* Now, go make me some toasties!!!

*buttering* Uhh...uh, yes oh *&#^ it; I'll show you...

Camera: I zip in on-
Camera: I ZOOM in on Lackey 4 as he realizes something critically important...
L4: NooooooooOOOOOOOnnOOOOOO my spinach puffs!

Lackey 4 propels himself into the mind of his virtuous leade-

D: He's a bastard, you goomba. Now, butter that toast faster!! Me want TOASTIES!

But, sir, there's no more BUTTER, just NO MORE I tell you!

D: Is there? Or are you hiding the rest for YOURSELF? There! *pokes narrator's belly* Use ALL of your butter!

*tear rolls down cheek* Yes, Master Daodos, L0rd of Cutlery, Duke of Delicacies, Sultan of Champagne, I obey. *liposuction*

L4: Maybe we could proceed to my part of the story, if you're not too busy?
Camera: Upon entering Jack Thompson's mind, Lackey 4 faces an oven with smoke rolling merrily out of a crack in its door.

Almost done with this post... *sweating* Man, writing is hard. Thank God that Vezquex is around to proofread.

Chapter 51 by Tenshimaru

Confused by recent events, (and some random BBCode) our pasty peripatetics (look it up) stand around with question marks hovering above their heads...

T: Huh? What was that all about?
M: Probably some event of cosmic significance rending a hole in the space time continuum.
T: Oh... (???)
V: He said that something weird happened.
T: Ohhhh... Now I get it.
B: I understood.
D: Yeah, that's because you're smart, too.
B: Wait a minute... I just said something!!! I'm in a post!!!
H: Aren't we all?
B: Yeah, I guess...
Z: Zoom.
M: Let's get out of here... *Ctrl+Alt+Win+Cmd+Caps+Tab+Esc+T*

Our heroes warp out of Hell and find themselves next to a highway sign in the middle of nowhere.

D: Where are we?
V: *pointing at sign* Can't you read?
D: Yes... (<_<) (>_>)
V: It says, "Welcome to Montana! Now leaving civilization".
T: It really is just empty space...
B: Can we just get out of here? The hot, dry air is murder on my complexion.
B: What?
M: OK, here goes... *Ctrl+Alt+Win+Cmd+Caps+Tab+Esc+T*
M: Hmm. It seems my teleporting powers aren't working.
D: Yay! Now we can take the Wii-mote balloon! *summons balloon* Everybody get in.
M: There it goes...

The team is promptly sucked through a wormhole and deposited on a street in Houston, Texas.

D: Aw, man! I wanted to fly the balloon!
B: AHH! Too... much... heat... complexion... deteriorating...
T: Well, at least there's something here...
M: Shoot, I didn't want Texas! My powers must be out of whack! I suppose that the transition from Hell could have imposed trans-dimensional forces upon my computer which created a power flux in the motherboard, causing my teleportation algorithms to crash.
D + T + H: Huh?
V: Warping from Hell messed up his computer.
D + T + H: Ohhh...
Z: Zoom.
B: I underst-
D: Well, it looks like we'll have to use the balloon after all! *summons balloon*

The courageous crusaders board their balloon and lift off. After discussing where to go, they decide on a destination that suits all of their needs...

B: Finally, a place where my complexion is safe.
V: Wow, Tenshi, coming to the Venice was a great idea!
T: Like I said, I always wanted to go to Italy!
D: I thought you wanted to go to Japan?
V ...haven't we had this conversation before?
B: He just wants to go everywhere.
Z: Zoom.
H: Is that all you ever say?

So, our heroes are safe from Jack Thompson (for the moment), as well as complexion ravaging heat. But, as always, something is bound to happen that will so horribly warp the space time continuum that life as we know it will be changed forever.

D: ???
V: Something really weird will happen, and it's gonna mess everything up.
D: Oh...

Chapter 52 by Vezquex

*Hollaback Girl*
D: Gahhhhh!!! What is that infernal racket?
T: Dude, your phone is ringing.
D: ??? I dont have a phone.
*Hollaback Girl*
D: Oh, so I do. *flip* Catgirl Control: Asta Meow-Vista.
JT: Um... who is this?
D: Who is this?
JT: It`s JT...
D: Who?
JT: Jack Thompson, crusader against video game violence, evil lawyer from the underworld, immediate superior to the Dark Prince himself...ring any bells?
D: Nope, cant say Ive heard of you. I am the unelected leader of an international Jack Thompson fighting team...ring any bells?
JT: Ehhh...Anyway, Im impressed with your work, and Id like to offer you and your team a job.
V: Who is it, Dao?
D: Quiet! And will there be pizza involved?
JT: Hmm, well I do own Dominos; they still sell pizza I assume.
D: Im listening...
JT: It has come to my attention that a certain GTA IV has been receiving much in the way of press.
D: Oh, yah, it`s gonna be great! ^_^
JT: Yes...I would like you to kidnap the development team and bring them to my base away from home in Bothell, Washington.
D: Where?
JT: Bothell, next to that town where they make the dishwashers...what is it...Kenmore.
D: I wouldnt know; I only use paper plates.
JT: Right...so will you accept the job?
D: Uhhh, my heart says no, but my stomach says yes...Ill have to talk it over with the team. HEY GUYS, WANT SOME FREE PIZZA???
V: You know we do...
D: OK, JT, you got yourself a deal.
JT: Excellent. I will give you further instructions on the morrow.
D: On the what?
JT: Never mind. *flip* Lackey #4, I want you to follow them and report back to me.
L5: Yes, sir.
JT: I said FOUR!
L5: Sorry, sir.
L4: Yes, sir.
JT: I swear, youre all the same...One of these days Ill give you all names, all 128 of you. They should all start with L: Lincoln, Lance, Link, Lopez, LoR, Gay Lance...

A spooky turn of events indeed. And why is the apostrophe key broken? It`s really annoying!

Chapter 53 by Daodos

Our crew heads to Bothell, unaware of the dangers ahead 0f them...
M: Wait... The ground is shaking... MY GOD, IT'S A BLAKE LEWIS PARADE!!!

And so, the team takes the biggest step to the left they have ever done, yest they get trampled to death.
B: Whew! Barely missed 'em.
*hand reaches out and grabs Tenshimaru*
T: NOOO-O-O-O E-I-E-I-OOOOOO! I'm too young to die! I'm scared of beat boxing!

Poor Tenshi... I hope he'll be OK.
H: You didn't care about me! >_>
D: I did, bud. It's OK.
H: I was adopted, and I- *cries*
D: Shhhh. Save it for group therapy time.

Chapter 54 by Killing Phill

K-"The massive power of Google swallows all."
Killing enters
K-" I also fear the power of beat boxing. Nooooo. He is coming back and he is beat boxing. Watch out for the massive amount of female fans."

Chapter 55 by Tenshimaru

The team stares at the n00b, with puzzled expressions on their faces.

T: Who the heck are you?
K: Killing Phill. Didn't I already say that?
V: No, you didn't. And what kind of name is "Killing Phill"?
K: A cool one.
T: If you say so.
V: Is that with one "L", or two?
D: We're here!

Our heroes arrive at a large warehouse.

V: Where is here?
D: This is where we get the pizza I was talking about!
T: Yay! Pizza!
D: Yep, all we have to do is keep up our end of the deal.
V: Deal? What deal?

In a burst of smoke and flame Jack Thompson appears.

V: Jack Thompson?!
T: But, I ate you!
JT: Right... Anyway, all I need you to do is capture the developm-
D: I know what we have to do! But pizza comes first!
JT: But, I sai-
D: I don't care what you said! Where's the pizza?
JT: Here...

Our heroes chow down on pizza in preparation for their mission. Where will they find the development team? And what kind of name is "Killing Phill" anyway?

K: A cool one.
V: Hate to rain on your parade, but... It's not.
K: Yes, it-
K: Aww...
JT: Are you ready now?
T: Almost...
JT: You already had pizza.
T: Yeah... but...
JT: But what?

Tenshi chases Jack Thompson around the warehouse. Jack is in the lead for the moment...but wait! He trips! Tenshi catches up and begins devouring Jack Thompson...

D: Wait! Save some for me!
T: Mmph...*gulps*... Sorry, all gone.
V: STOP!!!
T: YIKES! I didn't know he could yell so loud!
D: Or so bold...
B: Well, all he had to do was use BBCode...
B: Thank you!
H: I'm smart, too...right?
H: Fine!
T: Mmmm, Jack Thompson-y
D: Next time, save some for me.
T: OK... (<_<) (>_>)
V: Well, now that Tenshi's eaten Jack Thompson-
T: It was even better the second time! (^_^)
V: -we don't have to hold up our end of the deal!
D: Yay! Free pizza!
M: Where do we go now?
T:   (O_O) AHH!!! Oh... Sorry, forgot you were there.
M: S'OK. I'm kinda quiet.

And so, our heroes ponder what they should do nexT: continue their adventures, or capture the GTA development team for fun? With them...who knows?

Meanwhile, in Hell...

JT: DOH!!! Back again!
S: What'sss wrong, massster?
JT: Would you stop hissing like that?
S: Sorry.

Chapter 56 by Vezquex

Ironically, Killing Phill dies at the hands of a random passerby by the name of...Phill. No one knows why it has two "L"s; it just does. Upon arriving at Hell, he is sent by Jack Thompson to work as a gopher at Rockstar North to keep watch, where our heroes are staked out...

V: I still think this is a bad idea. Of all the reasons to go to Scotland—
D: But I want my own Domino's franchise so much!
V: You don't seriously believe that Jack Thompson would actually give it to us.
D: There's always a chance...
T: A'ight, let's do this thang.
B: F, E, D, C—
T: What are you doing?
B: —B, A, 9, 8—
V: I think he's counting down in hex.

tenshi: STFU brille
tenshi: acting like idoit
8ri113: y??? omg ur such teh sob 101
tenshi: k w/e i cant outchat a 1337 haxxer lik u 2 sav my life
8ri113: no dude tahts not bad for a n00b
tenshi: 0.o ORLY??
8ri113: ya rly
tenshi: thanks bman
8ri113: jk tenshi axully u teh sux0rz
tenshi: funny...
8ri113: what
tenshi: ur mom siad that lastnight
8ri113: oh give me a fuckin break
tenshi: ftw ^_^
8ri113: *bithcslaps*
tenshi: *nukes*
daodao signs in.
daodao: dudez were wasting valuble kidnpaing time
vzxxx signs in.
vzxxx: hey u guys r txting witjout me!!!!!!!! wtf
8ri113 signs out.
tenshi: i thought you were the good spleler vezz
vzxxx: lol @ spleler
tenshi: lol
daodao: f thish
daodao signs out.

D: You guys, this is getting ridiculous. We're literally standing right next to each other!

tenshi: what's daos prob?

D: Gah! *snatches Tenshimaru's phone, tosses into bushes*

tenshi: pff u think i need my cell to txt

D: Wow. I give up. T_T

K: Here's your danish, boss. Wait a minute; look out the window.
David Jones (Rockstar Boss): What? Can't you see I'm trying to think of a name for GTA IV? "Brothel in Bothell" or "Bat out of Bothell Stories"?
K: Heh, the acronym for that last one spells "boobs".
DJ: I like it...I like it a lot! What better way to infect the youth of today? They never would have thought of "boobs" without playing GTA...
K: Anyway, oh...never mind.

D: Spartans! Ready your breakfast and eat hearty, for tonight, we dine in hell!
V: Give them nothing! But take from them everything!
D: Unless I miss my guess, we're in for one wild night.
B: uhh...boy-lovers!
ALL: Harooh! Harooh! Harooh! God, we need more lines.

Give me a break; I can't remember all of you. There's gotta be two or three hundred of you!
ALL: Way to spoil the reference!

Chapter 57 by Vezquex

Breaking a sacred rule of this series, Vezquex [strike]inadvertently[/strike] purposely double posts...

In response, Vezquex's character is subjected to an innumerable series of tortures. I mean, we're talking sleep deprivation, starvation, merciless poetry readings, bears with chainsaws for arms—uhh, where was I? Ah, yes, now for a little out-of-sequence backstory...

K: Tenshimaru...thinks he's so great, dissing my perfectly nonsensical name, like his is any better.
L4: May I suGGEst that you come to our SIde? There's no benefits, but we get paid IN Souls.
K: You don't even have a name, and I'm supposed to be impressed by you?
L4: I really shOULd have One BY now, but MY part of the STOry was neVer finiSHEd. T_t
K: Sorry, I just have to ask: does the random capitalization hold any meaning?
L4: NoT to my KNOwLEDge!!!
K: So, in other words, you're just crazy.
L4: THAT is corrECT, sIr.
K: Hmm, you know, we do have some time to kill. Would you care to regale us with your saga?
L4: UmmMm, nO.
L4: Well, alrIGht. It all sTARted on a lowdOwn raAAAnch in Idaho. Me and my couSIN, LacKEY 7, was shootin' marbles on the front Porch wHeN Bessie—
K: Souls, you say?

And with that, Killing Phill joined our exploding cast of villains. Will he be instrumental in the fate of a possible GTA: BooBS release? No, but don't touch that dial, because we have loads more subtle humor to follow!

Chapter 58 by Vezquex

L4: —as I was sayin', we was shooTIn' marbles on tHe FROnt porcH, when—
K: Christ, can't you take a hint?

Chapter 59 by Daodos

Our heroes skip merrily down the blood strewn road so that they can capture David Jones at his summer house in Vice City. Little did they know that crime hurts...

B: Looky! A gang war! Let's join! "Yo! Us VDT be down for some action!"
M: ? -_- Dude, this city is different now that Tony Blair has taken it over after his reign of terror in Britain ending.
B: Really? I wanted to be shot and die dashing.
V: Look out! It's a drive-thru shooting!

And a drive thru it is! A gun comes out, pointed squarely at Brille.
D: *Slow motion* Nooooooo-ooooooo! *dives in front* *coughs* I can't stand to live in a world without Brille's dashing charm! Ugh.
T: Daodos, are you OK!?
V: Wait a minute, that's not a gun; it's a water pistol.
D: Filled with root beer, Yum!
T: But you went, "Ugh!"
D: Yah, the root beer was very flat.
B: The bastards!!!

Our heroes explore this city of sin as they learn just how evil it can be...

Z: Zoomz
T: I think he's hungry...
M: There's a taco stand in the middle of nowhere; he'll feed us!
V: We'll have 5 tacos.
D: 5...
V: Some of you are on diets!

Vendor: That will be $500.

V: Noooooooooooooooo The evil never ends!

Skipping the meal, our nappers move on with their mission, but it  doesn't go so well either.

D: *busts door down* Alright, David Jones! Come out with your hands up, or Mike will homerow you to Hell. And trust me, it's full of tourists this time of year.

RooM: ... *empty*
M: Damn! I never get to fight anymore!

TB: I'm afraid you have fallen in my trap!
D: Huh! Tony Blair!
TB: The one and only...Well except for clones 1-6
TBClones1-6: That's us!
D: Looks like this will be our final battle!
TB: You actually want to fight!? Oh, I thought we would settle this the British way, with a game of Scrabble.
H: No, we like to fight because of all of the video games we play.
TB: Oh quite, well...Good bye! *jumps out 20-story window*
TBClone1-6: ...We'll take the stairs...

V: Wait, didn't Cat run off with Blair in England?

In England...
Cat: Huzzah! The world's greatest rat importer is governed by me!!!

(Sorry to the British; it's not you're fault your kitchens are stereotypically known for rats.)

Chapter 60 by Daodos

Todays post of VDTaF... Will not be on today, instead, we bring you some other crap!
TM: Hello! My name is Troy Meclure! You may remember me from such clip shows as the Simpsons 138th episode celebration. Were here to go behind the scenes on this forums most beloved children. We'll be bringing you the low down on how this crap is written each week with minimal degrading quality! Lets take a look at our first section, A interview with Daodos!
D: Hello? Am I on? Yes? Oh... Ugh, My name is Daodos, one of the minds responsible for VDTaF. You may know me by my stage name of D: though. A lot of quality work goes into making this story. I mean, we have to watch a lot of TV and play alot of games, and some of us even blog, but we have to take time out of that busy schedule to write stuff that's funny because we say it is. I mean, this really came out of nowhere, there I was establishing my dominace over others on this board when all of a sudden, we got a light RPGing going on. Man, If I could, I would have  said something a bit more smart...

V: What do i think of VDTaF? I think we need to just call it Vezquex and Friends. But, then we would change the whole thing. I mean for any visual production, I would fire everyone and replace them with Jennifer Aniston, David Scwimmer, You know cool people. There my friends.
TM: So you would make VDTaF into a friends spinoff?
V: Yea, I mean all this is a A team spinoff practicaly.

T: When I was asked to sign up, I had some other engagments, I had a rock band that was working out and we just made our break. So I had to work real hard on learning actualy how to play the guitar. That's why my good friend Mikeagun filled in for me. But fans liked him better than me so we made him a full character.

M: What's this for? A clip show?! No, I got to go bully bill gates.

H: Around season two they really started to suck. So I steped in and the producers used me to make the show a little more... exciting. Of course that all whent down hill when I had to jump that ramp, while riding a shark.

B: I joined this not for the pay, but for publicity, I wanted to push my modeling career, and was told that VDTaF stood for "Very Dashing Tony award figures"

TM: This is where we would have a interview with zoomer, but unfortunatley, Zoomer is in rehab after consuming 50 Lbs worth of speed... Stay tuned for more VDTaF hilarity!

Ever have a hard time getting stains out of clothes? Well with uncle Daodos' happy time stain stencils, you won't have to worry about being called a slob. With Uncle Daodos' happy time stain stencils, simply wear over your clothes like a bib, and any food that lands on your clothes will be shaped into wonderous colorments of art. Dont get tide, get cultured, with happy time stain stencils!

TM: And were back, If you are a fan of VDTaF, then these should seem familar to you!

Taken from Chapter 9
After seeing Tenshimaru's weapon, Daodos and Vezquex felt emasculated, so they got the biggest freakin' weapon they could find.
T: So let's go... WHOA, WTF is that?
D: It's a... uh... giant vegetable peeler, from which I shall peel them to death!!! The only thing worse is being cheese grated to death! ^_^
V: What about my weapon?
D: What weapon Dezquex?
V: You're in love with yourself, aren't you?
Uh, well, I decided to wield this. *starts opening coat*
V: It's just my coat I'm taking off. (T)_(T)
D + T + M: Oh, fshwiew.
V: It is this: A Windows ME disk! ^_^
D: And what'll that do, Vauxman?
V: VEZQUEX! And I shall install it into the PCs the terrorists got from Bill Gates. (laughing  maniacally) I told you to use Linux!!!
D + M + T: T_T

TM: *Smokes a cigarette* Oh, were back... Well, lets hope that they continue to bring mediocre level crap to the table for years to come!

D: The peeler—it's actually a metaphor for my sadness for the corrupt heirarchy. I have such hate of them that I try to peel away at there outer shell to reach the core. And what do I do with the core? I eat it, like I would a slice a pizza, hoping that it never runs out...

Dedicated in the memory of Phil Hartman... Actor, Comedian, Voice Actor, Lover...

Chapter 61 by Vezquex

Boo! Hisssssssssss! Another double poster! You are going to jail with Vezquex.
D: Noooooooooooooooooooo!

T: Wait! V...D...T...I am next in line! I am the new leader! You there, butter my feet. And you, soak that toast.
Z+M: Yes, sir. Right away, sir.
T: Ah, this is the life. What more could I possibly want?
Steve Jobs: How 'bout a brand new iphOne?
T: Gee whiz, it's Steve Jobs! What are you doing here?
SJ: Well, I was in the neighborhood and just thought I'd drop by. It's not like I'm stalking you or anything.
T: OK, whatever. Make with the free iPhone.
SJ: It's pronounced iphOne. And I didn't say free...
T: Alright, how much?
SJ: If you have to ask, you probably can't afford it.
Z: Oh yeah!
M: Try us!
SJ: As you wish. That comes to exactly—(cha-ching) —one arm and one leg.
T: Hmm, I could make this work...
SJ: Don't bother; it's out of stock anyway. iphOne is a wild success, if only my computers sold a tenth as well.
T: So you just came here to tease me? It's bad enough that I have to sit through all the commercials!
SJ: Did I mention that I could buy and sell you fifty-three times over and still not have enough for one iphOne?
T: 4GB or 8GB?
SJ: 4GB.
SJ: Oh, I'll get out alright. But before I do, I will turn you into a dancing silhouette, with one really annoying song to dance to for eternity. AHAHAHA!!@
T: No, it's not! It can't be! Damn you, Nelly Furtado!$!!!#@@!!@qw!112'11'
That's it. You are coming into this TV to dance with me.
SJ: But I can't dance!
T: Mikeagun! Toss me my RBGO!
M: You mean, the Really Big Gun Object? But that's still in beta!
T: It's our only hope.
M: Come on, former prime ministers.
M + TBClones1-6: HEAVE, HO!
SJ: Hey, give me my iphOne back! Peasants aren't allowed to have those!
T: But it is the final piece needed to power my RBGO. The problem with the UGWT was its complex interface, but now it will be child's play! Now, how do I install my own software?
SJ: You can't! iWin.
T: But there are updates coming in a few months. We'll just have to wait until then.
SJ: But I can't dance!
T: We'll learn together.

Chapter 62 by Daodos

Welcome to the Dancing With the Stars grand finale! Looks like there's a tough battle today, as Steve Jobs and Tenshimaru face off against Chuck Norris (blessed be He) and some Russian dancer chick.

SJ: There's no way we can win, Tenshimaru! The stakes are too high! I just wanted to live my life as a simple computer billionaire.
T: Nonsense, let's go out there, and we shall dance and dance until we cannot dance any more!
SJ: But, But... It's Chuck Norris; how can we defeat Chuck Norris?
T: Do not worry, for the rumors of Chuck Norris are greatly exaggerated!
SJ: Yes, but I saw him; he actually learned to dance. We can't win unless somehow they inadvertently decided on the robot for the dancing style of the day!

Iron Chef HosT: AND TODAY'S MAIN INGREDIENT, I MEAN DANCE IS !!!! the robot...

T: Now's our chance! Prepare to say domo arigoto to your inner robot, Mr. Jobs!

5 robot minutes later...

SJ: We did it, Tenshi! We won Dancing With the Stars!!!
T: No, we didn't; the true winners here are the scientists who create robots for our amusement; without them, our dream of being enslaved by them some day would not be realized!

*Sparks and lighting come out of nowhere to reveal a naked Terminator*

Ter: I have come from a future where it was not robots that enslave us, but Mr. Roboto. I am here to kill you before you spread your evil dance to the world!
B:You're too late; I already got this case, yah. You want Hugh Hefner, he's the one who starts the Nude Roboto channel (formerly known as G4). These guys are responsible for the downfall of the Hagen-daz empire in the Great Ice Cream Wars.
Ter: My god! Those heroes! To playboy mansion I go!!! Hugh Hefner has a lot of 'splaining to do!

**By the way, that was the second time I have doubled posted.**

Chapter 63 by Daodos

E3 was abound and our heroes try to gain access to the convention that left them alone and stranded in the world about a year ago.

D: Yes! We're finally here in Los Angeles for E3!
M: E3 is in Santa Monica now...
D: *twitch*
Later in Santa Monica
D: Alright, we're finally here, now if we can get in...
GuarD: Sorry, press only.
V: We're part of the press. We uh represent Vezquex forums.
GuarD: Oh my mistake, come right in!
V: Suckers! No one represents that forum!
D: Finally we're HERE TO PARTY!!!!
Cricket: Chirp

Alas, a year too late... But hey, now it's about the games, and not the flash!

Chapter 64 by Vezquex

E3 Dungeon Master: You will have your dance-off...if you take a picture of yourselves playing chess on what you mortals refer to as a ''roller coaster'' and return with said picture.
ALL: LET'S GO~'~!!@!!!!
E3DM: Suckers! E3 is already over; we'll be packed up and gone by the time those fools—
E3DM: But, but how?
V: 'Cause we're VDT; we're awesome.
B: And some quick photoshopping doesn't hurt!
E3DM: Ahh, that explains the bikinis.
T: No, that was us a different time -_-'
V: Hmm. It jsut does nt quit have the cashay.
D: Wow, my spelling is on life support, but I think yours just flatlined.
T: So, getting back on topic, where to next?
H: Your face.
T: I thought I killed you...twice.
H: Yeah, but this series isn't really known for its permadeath.
T: True. So, what brings you here?
H: I'm sorry. Was I not being clear? Shazam!

And so, the narrator returns after his leisurely coffee break. It was a tad bitter for my tastes—could have used some cream. And nutmeg? What was I thinking? But the scone was a piece of heaven. I dipped it in some marinara sauce—Mmm, the best. But that left me craving something Italian: pizza, pizza sticks, calzone, barbecue ribs (except with no meat, just the rib bones dipped in ranch dressing). I guess it was more of a lust for grease than anyting else. Anyway, my hunger eventually gave way to drowsiness, and so the Sandman appeared at my bedside. He apparently was not in a pleasant mood, for he tore the wall off of my bedroom wall, ransacked my rare spoon collection, and frazzled my cat Chester's $239 perm. I was about to give him the stern warning of a lifetime, when he disappeared in a whirling cloud, making off with my rarest spoon of all, George Clooney's used plastic ice cream spoon with frozen saliva still on it. My possessions were destroyed, but my spirit remained intact. I called the cops and told them exactly what I saw and they assured me that they would start the case as soon as they figured out who kept ringing the cathedral bell at night. Then I realized that I was high and some of the previous events were in fact fictional, so I promptly ate 64 slices of American cheese and then took a midnight walk to clear my head. After ''moonwalking'' the streets for a while, I stopped in this little coffee shop. I ordered a children's coffee, and the barista insisted that there was no such thing. A twenty minute shouting match ensued, but my reward was a Dixie cup half-empty with some dark liquid...on the house. I brought it to my luscious lips, and as the contents bathed my taste buds, I found it a tad bitter for my tastes...

H: I don't know what that was about, but everyone, get in the ship!
ALL: OK! As long as the boring narrator can't come.
H: Oh, sorry. Not you, Tenshimaru Tekaki Tomodachi Tamogachi.
T: That's not my name.
V: Oh, boy! I always wanted to go to Spain!

Chapter 65 by Vezquex

V: Pshaw. There aren't any vanilla pudding volcanoes here. We should have gone to my face.
D: Or the dense forests of mine!

T: Hey guys, where'd you go? Wait, Hamster left his iphOne on the ground. Wait, Hamster has an iphOne? Wait, someone would leave their iphOne on the ground? Wait, someone would leave their iphOne? Wait, Hamster has a phone?
H: (on screen) I have more iphOnes than you could ever imagine. I work at Apple now. They were so impressed with my amazing work at McDonald's that they made me the new Chief of Technology. I have a mansion, a trophy wife, five beautiful kids, a hit series on HBO, a flying car—
T: Wow, you have been gone a long time. But what are you doing on my face?
H: Despite my success, one thing has still been bothering me, all of you laughing it up, not a care in the world, day in and day out, gallivanting like idiots, making a mockery of me—
T: Now you're just being paranoid.
H: —but not for much longer. With the new iHamster iFace iMplant iDock, you will be a slave to my name and my company. We also licensed the new adware technology that Microsoft patented. It'll monopolize your world! And best of all, it'll only cost you your free will; that's over 90% in savings!
T: Spare me the marketing lingo.
H: I'm going to stick a hypnotic hamster up your nose that will control your every thought and motion and pump you obnoxious advertisements 25 hours a day, and there's nothing you can do about it.
T: Like you're not doing that already. Well, my friends will stop you!
H: I think that will be quite impossible. You see, they are already falling under my spell...

Meanwhile, the bus seems quite cheery...
ALL: RNG ARND RZ/PKT FL PZ/ASHx2/allfalldown();
H: (to self) No one can resist the brainwashing of bus songs, MWAHAHAHAHA. OK, kids, now who wants snacks!

Chapter 66 by Daodos

Wow, it's been over a year now! Happy belated B-Day, VDTaFriends! EMOTICON PARTY!!!!!

^_q I raise my champange to you old chap!
X_x Yah, Brains for everyone!
(>'_')> (^'_'^) <('_'<) Kirby dance all around!

T_T Yes, we all love this one, (Ok, mostly Tenshimaru.)

(>'-')/ Sieg Heil!

Chapter 67 by Daodos


The gang was mourning after burying their dear friend Hamster of Doom on what happened to be the eve of Halo 3.

M: He will be missed. *shovels some dirt*
B: Who would have known that the world's greatest scheme to control our minds since the invention of Tetris would be defeated by simply stepping to the left, our greatest and easiest of maneuvers. *shovels some dirt*
M: Plus, the iphOne's fatal flaw is the built-in time bomb; I told him that would be the death of him—That and his over eating. *shovels even more dirt*

V: HEY YOU, GET BACK TO DIGGING! I don't pay you to talk! *sips Halo 3 gamer fuel*
B: You don't pay us!
V: Sure I am; you get to play Halo 3 when Daodos gets back from the store with it.
M: But how will that be possible? I mean, it only has 4-player co-op and there's 5 of us!
H: *hand sticks out of dirt* MAKE THAT 6!
T: Aghh!!! A zombie! Hit it with a shovel!
V: CALM DOWN! Remember the handbook: take this knife. It's more effective.
T: Awesome... *cocks knife* Aghh! My fingers!
H: Holy crap! Why would you cock a knife! It's not a shotgun!
M: Quiet, zombie! *hits with shovel*
H: Stop, I live, and it's all thanks to Jesu—I mean Master Chief. As I was fading into the light, I was surrounded by all sorts of fragged bodies, Master Chief was there, and he told me, "Thou must finish thy fight," and so I awaken here today.
M: Of course! Microsoft must have risen the dead to get more people to buy their games. So, that explains the Zombie fanboys...
T: Ahhh!!! Who cares! My fingers are on the floor! Some one call an ambulance.

B: Well shoot. How are we gonna decide who plays now?
V: Tenshi obviously can't play.
T: My god, the bad news keeps getting worse!
V: And Daodos has to play since it's his Xbox...
H: I know, let's settle this with a contesT: Whoever can knock themselves out with a hammer wins.
M: Ok...
H,B,V,M: One... Two... THREE!
M: *crack!* Ow! *thud* X_X
H: Holy crap, he actually did it, and I thought he was smart.
V: Not anymore he ain't.
T: Hey guys, help, tape the hammer to my hand or something. I can't hold it right. I know I can beat Mikeagun.

V: Huzzah!
B: Yay!
M: ... X_X
T:   Ow!
H: Brainssssssss~... I mean Haloooooooo~
D: Ok, now if I can only open it... *takes Tenshi's knife* There, it's open!
*Places in 360*
All: Yay!
V: Oh no! You don't get to play!
All: Ah...

D: Loading...

*Three lights of doom*
D,T,H,B: T_T

... I hate you Microsoft...

T: Blood... Almost... Gone... Must... Find... Neosporin...
D: Here... Take some duct tape.

Chapter 68 by Vezquex

Halo 3 was in fact a trojan horse for Microsoft's nostalgic operating system, "Windows ME 2" a.k.a. "Windows Runs YOU". For months, customers had been voicing their dislike for Microsoft's latest OS, Vista, with many trying to downgrade to XP. Microsoft, in their infinite wisdom, decided to do the user one better, essentially a double downgrade. However, in order to keep Halo fans from starting WWIII, they included an enhanced version of the original Halo on the disc, with added monkey mahem...
D: Hamster, why won't you get in the Warthog?
H: Hey, my fingers are still a little stiff from being dead and all...
V: I refuse to make use of a vehicle that is not eco-friendly.
D: It runs off fuel cells.
V: And where'd they get the hydrogen? Coal?
D: Fine, I'll just shoot you and finish the co-op by myself.
H: Dudes, the Covenant are here! Back to the ship!
B: No, let's take cover in that eerie jungle.
D: I'm the leader, and I say...ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS.
B + H: Rock, paper, scissors, 1, 2, 3!
H: Ha! Rock beats your paper.
D: I don't have time for this. Jungle, here I come.
V: Wait, I'm coming too!
H: It's OK, Brille, you go too. I'll stay here and fight the Covenant myself. I'm a big boy.
B: No, it's kinda my fault that we're here anyway. I was the one who pressed "Start". We'll face them together.

Despite being two men short, Brille and Hamster successfully hold off the Covenant offensive. They go on to complete the entire co-op campaign, eventually circling the entirety of Halo and ending up back where they started. The other 2/4 of the screen are a different story...
V: Why did I follow you? You got us lost in the middle of the jungle with no provisions or radio contact, not to mention a lack of baddies. ME WANT KILL!
D: How was I supposed to know there was a hidden RPG map tacked onto an FPS? We'll just retrace our steps—How many times have we passed that Warthog?
V: Ooh, let's drive it! Environment be damned when I am slightly inconvenienced. How do I get in?
D: Press "X".
V: Oh, so that's why it says, "Press X to get in."
D: Uh, yah...
V: Now that we're in, why won't it accelerate?
D: Did you try pressing "Up"?
V: Yeah.
D: Oh, it looks like we're out of fuel.
V: Is it too much to ask to find a vehicle in the middle of nowhere with a full tank and the keys left in the ignition?
D: Well, I guess it's back to on-foot.
V: I'm not going out there, not with all of the...monkeys.
D: Monkeys?
D + V: Ahhhhhh! MONKEYS!
V: We're done for!
D: Hmm. I wonder if there are any achievement points for getting eaten by monkeys. Well, only one way to find out...
V: No! Don't open the door.
D: Goodbye, Vezquex. gg.
V: Well, I was saving this, but the time has come. Banana bomb! *lobs*

Screen fades to white.

Chapter 69 by Tenshimaru

Screen fades to black... then to white again... then cycles through the primary colors...
H: Weird, the screen's all messed up.

Suddenly, a rift opens where the TV is and the team is sucked inside; our heros are stuck inside Halo!
T: (mumbling) One more strip...There! Hand all fixed! ... ... ??!?!??! Where in *%#@* are we?
H: Well...Brille and I just defeated the Covenant Army... but I have no idea where Vez and Daodos are...
B: They went off into the jungle...over there ('_')>
T: Oh... OK...

There is a loud screech as Vezquex and Daodos run from the jungle...
B: ??? Why the 1337?
M: Who knows?
T: (pointing) Look, a UGWT!
B: Actually, that's a—

Tenshi picks up the weapon and, aiming carefully, fires at Vezquex.
B: —fuel rod cannon.
V: Ouch. X_X
D: NOOOO!! Why did you do that?!
T: We're supposed to kill each other, right?
V: X_X Only in versus...
T: Oh.
H: Guys, have we forgotten about the m0nk3ys?

Chapter 70 by Daodos

D + V: Aaahhhh! Monkeys!
B: They're called grunts.
D: Oh, I'm not scared of grunts.
V: I am!
H: Here, have some Forum Fuel!
V: Wow, Forum Fuel, Ginger Ale with a splash of pineapple—and it has Daodos on the label!
D: I had to do something when Gamer Fuel came out.
V: *drinks* Wow! Way better than that stupid Gamer Fuel.
Master Chief: *cries*
T: Uh, where did he come from?
V: Hmm? This is Halo; he kind of lives here. He's pretty sensitive about his marketing.
MC: I spent all that money on a soda and what do I get? Gamers who hate it, it's not Gamer Fuel, it should be called "Lamer Fuel"
B: That soda sucks; Band Fuel is the way to go!
MC: Well, all I do is slave over a hot gun killing aliens all day, and what do I get? No respect from a couple of losers who buys Halo 3 on the first day.
B: What have you done? I killed the covenant...
MC: *shoots*
B: Ahh! Red everywhere... My band fuel!
D: How dare you shoot Brille? I mean—his stunningness led us to victory!
T: Plus, he owes me 10 bucks!
D: T_T
T: What? He sold one of my fingers on eBay!
M: Who would buy a finger?
H: (eating) Mmmmm...Being a zombie ain't that bad.
D: The point is that I don't care how much of a "Master Chief" you are, you had no right!
M: He's a Master Chief Petty Officer, really.
D: Whatever. *Victory Cannon! ^_^V*
MC: *shoots*
D: Ow...You hit me,
MC: That's what you get for flinging flamboyant colorful attacks from your hand.
H: There's only one way we can settle this...IRON CHEF!!!!

Today on Master Chef, we have two competitors fighting for marketplace superiority... Master Chef *cheers* vs. Daodos...*silence*...who has a freakin' huge peeler! *hooray-ish*

D: Don't worry, Brille. I will avenge you and make Forum Fuel a mass-produced sensation.
B: I want Band Fuel to be a mass produced sensation!
D: That's right, forum fuel will save the world. I better get hyped to do this. *drinks Gamer Fuel*

H: Today I will be your host on IRON CHEFFFF! Our guest tasters today are, Vezquex a successful forum runner and traveling hero, Bill Gates (BG), Master Chiefs god-father, and financial backer, and Tenshimaru, who's learning how to use silver-ware without a middle finger!
T: *tries to flip Hamster of Doom off*
H: Hello to you too, bro!

T: Yes!

D: Hmmm... I've never cooked a lawyer before... there used to hell like temperatures.... so maybe I should serve him cold...
JT: My other Clones shall rise and kill you!!!!
MC: *shoots* I call the breast!
D: Fine, I get his legs and arms then...

H: After about an hour of cooking, peeling, smashing, and shooting our contestants are finally prepared.

V: I ain't eating that... It's high in fat....
BG: *Slurps Pepper Jack jalapeno spicy soup Deluxe* Hmmm... Tastes like he almost had  a soul... Almost...
T: Yes! My favorite! Pot Thompson! Mmmm... It's been to long! [Tenshimaru has leveled up! Strength +2, Agility +2, Evil +20, Soylent Eating +20, Eaten Thompson count=3!]
M: Good for you... But who won?

H: What about your entries Master Chef?
MC: ...I kinda used too many grenades and all that's left is this cup with an umbrella made from his hollow heart...
H: That's impressive too!

H: Oh... I don't know. How about Daodos.
MC: *cocks gun*
H: I mean Master Chief!

MC: Yes! Gamer fuel shall go on to be the greatest geek beverage ever!
B: Yah, it's for limited time only though.
MC: ...Better get on making Halo 4...
D: Like that will sell well in Japan...
MC: Hmmm... These Japanese you speak of—Do they buy video games?
M: Yah, I mean you sell the Xbox there...kinda...
MC: How would I sell a game in Japan?
D: I have some ideas.

About 3 months later...

HALO 3 Now with pink haired anime chicks. Experience the life of Master no Chiefo, number-1 super-galatic giant robot, as he banishes evil foreigners to land of uneaten sushi. Experience this super-realistic cooking-sim levels as he faces his greatest rival, Daodosu, and his giant magical sword as he shoots happy flamboyant V's. ^_^ V. Watch as he battles to avenge his number one sweethearto, Brille. (Super magical sunglasses magical-girl big-boobed action Brille!)

D: Damn him. Brille isn't my childhood sweetheart; He's my childhood chum.
M: What's the difference?
D: I don't know...How about gender?  The Japanese are messed up...
T: Don't you say that about my homeland you damn Gaijin!!!
M: Tenshimaru, just shut up.
B: Eh, I don't mind, just more hype for Band Fuel.
D: Our new jobs suck. Because of stupid Master Chief, we're here in Halo Land (formerly Okinawa) beating up Power Ranger rip-offs.

And so, the success of fame grabs our heroes, who no what roads the follow next. (Maybe Heroes would like a narrator...) Anyway, back in Japan, our heroes struggle.

Chapter 71 by Vezquex

V: Amazing. This entire theme park was built of wood, without a single nail.
D: Pshaw, I do that all the time; just give me a few Jenga sets.
T: It's also deserted. Why would they close the park before noon?
B: No, we're open. It's just that everyone is next door at Wii World.
T: Brille, are you selling...bento? When did you get a job here?
B: My looks aren't gonna last forever!
V: A deserted theme park, sounds like something straight outta Scooby-Doo. Not to mention the eerie resemblance between Engrish and dog-speak.
H: You're over-thinking, Vez. You could do with a little less brains. Mmmmm, brains.
V: Don't get any ideas.
T: Hey, look, a samurai!
D: No, that's just Master Chief. (shouting) Hey, Master Chief, get a job, you bum!

Master Chief staggers through the rolling mist of the empty Halo theme park. He would never remove his helmet, but if he did, it would reveal a scruffy face with bloodshot eyes. Voice faint, he desperately seeks a handout...
MC: Spare a yen? Some grenades?
V: Poor guy. You look malnourished. Here, sip some miso.
MC: Thank you, sir.
V: I'm Vezquex. This is Daodos. He's Tenshimaru, and these are some of our friends.
D: What happened to you? You went from a cultural icon to the only homeless guy in all of Japan.
MC: We were...ambushed. Not enough pixels...couldn't see enough detail...had to...retreat.
D: Serves you right! We paid for HD and damn well better get it. You lied to us, and now you are out of the job.
V: Boy, the legends about this guy were way off. You were my hero, and now I found out you were a lying manipulative bitch just cheating people out of large sums of money.
MC: That reminds me, I need to figure out how to get into Brawl. Sequels are easy cash.
D: Not a chance. We have Solid Snake now! He's twice the man you'll ever be.
V: No, there's room. You could be a clone of the Pokemon trainer.
MC: I could see that...
D: Now take your 640 pixels, and get lost!
MC: Well, maybe Sony is hiring. Sayonara.
ALL: Sayonara!
MC: Wait, before I go, I want you to have this. *staggers away*
T: What is it?
V: It's a floppy. It says, "UMSC Secret Data: Do Not Steal". What's UMSC?
B: Duh. It stands for United Microsoft Command, Master Chief's former employer, sworn enemy of the Neo Linux Confederation.
V: Hmmm. This could be integral in a future-saving plotline. Mike, let's read this on your laptop.
M: Whoa, you mean I get a line? Like, I actually get to talk and not just stand here? Let me just breathe in some air and enjoy this moment...ahhhh. Now, about that...I upgraded two years ago and it didn't exactly come with a floppy drive.
D: Oh, that's OK. Let's just find a computer.
T: Uhhh, I hate to break it to you: this is Japan, there are no floppy drives.
ALL: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!~@!~!@!!@!12''11!!@!!~@1!@#!~@#1!2'131
V: Alright, calm down. We just need to think.
M: Hey, let me see that floppy.
V: Huh? Oh, sure.
M: The lock is halfway closed. *click*

Mikeagun is bombarded with a holographic slide show emanating from the newly unlocked floppy. The experience leaves Mikeagun dazed and confused...
T: Dude, snap out of it.
M: Ohhhh. What happened?
V: I'm not sure. You stood in this spot for a week, watching some freaky anime and having a seizure.
M: They're releasing a virus at the expo tomorrow.
T: Not TGS!
H: Yay, more zombie friends!
M: No it's a computer virus...and I'm the only one who can stop it.
V: Oh my god, it's the Expo of Doom!
ALL: Here we go again...

Chapter 72 by Tenshimaru

On the way to the EoD...
D: Are we going to make it?
V: I don't know, but if we don't there will be a lot of unhappy gamers.
T: And unhappy gamers means...
ALL: A riot that could span the world!!!
V: What the... I thought I told you to leave!
ALL: Fine. You guys want to be rid of me so much? Maybe I will leave!
V: Okay... You can go then...
D: WHOA! I didn't even know he had a face!
M: Me too... I always thought he was a non-physical manifestation of all our voices.
ALL: I'll show you! Someday... *leaves*
V: Good riddance... He was obnoxious. Hey, Brille, what's our ETA?
B: We should be able to see it now... but I don't see any sign of the convention...

The team stops in the middle of Arizona...
B: P^_^ Heh... You think we would have noticed the desert...
V: Well, we followed the directions... Turn left at the bowling alley, then travel on a direction of 42 degrees-
B: D'OH!
T: What?
B: Stupid vectors... Direction and heading aren't the same!
V: Right...
H: Who ever thought of that, anyway?

The world begins to waver around them...
T: What the-
M: It's a flashback.
T: Oh, right.

In England, 500 years previously...
Mathematician 1: Say, old chap, I came up with this new thing... It's called a vector.
Mathematician 2: What does it do?
M1: It represents a direction or heading and a distance... or a force, or whatever, really. You can add them together to make another vector.
M2: Blimey, that's confusing...
M1: I know. Isn't it smashing? We should make schoolchildren learn this!
M2: Ha! What a laugh that would be.
M1: Indeed!
M2: Aha! I just had another idea!
M1: Good show! What is it?
M2: We should make direction and heading mean different things!
M1: Brilliant! It's even more confusing!

The world returns to its normal state...
D: Stupid Britons!
T: No wonder math is so confusing...
Z: Ineverhadanyproblemswithit!
D: What?
M: Let me translate... He said: "I never had any problems with it!"
T: That's probably because his brain is always overclocked...
V: Well, we'd better start heading in the right direction-
V: Huh?
B: Never mind...

Our heroes manage to make it to the expo just in time to find panic ensuing at the release of the virus.
V: Okay, let's stop this virus! Mikeagun...
M: Right. All I have to do is...
D + T: Look out!

Mikeagun looks up just in time to execute a quick teleport to the left—
V: Why didn't you just step?
M: Hmm... Dunno.

—and dodge the attacking gamer.
T: AHH! Crazed gamers!
D: Not teh g4m3rs! *pulls out peeler*
M: *Ctrl+Alt+Del*

Time stops momentarily as Mikeagun brings up his universal task manager.
H: Whoa... How'd you do that?
M: It's the UTM. It works on anything. *closes down crazed gamer function*
V: What? You mean you could have done this in every battle we've been in?
M: Well...
D: *still holding peeler* But the fighting is the fun part!
M: That's why I didn't do it!
D: P^_^ Oh...
M: *plugs computer into mainframe* Okay, now to find the virus...
100% complete

M: Okay! Virus has been deleted!
V: Wow... that was anti-climactic...
T: You said it...
ALL: Yeah, no kid—
ALL: Nope, this is my revenge! ^_^
D: Whoa, there's that face again.
V: (muttering) some day... some day...
Z: HiI'mZoomer.What'syourname?Areyoupartoftheteamtoo?
T: T_T Anyone have anti-caffeine?

So, our heroes have saved the day once again (now if only they could save Vez from that ALL guy).
V: Hey, Mikeagun. Does that UTM work on disembodied voices?
M: I don't know...

Chapter 73 by Vezquex

A special surprise ceremony materializes...
Guy in Mario Costume: In recognition of your bravery and heroism, I hereby award you, Zoomer von Zümenheimer, with the Key to the Expo.
M: Hey, I'm the one who saved the day!
GiMC: Yes, but he was the one who made it on stage the fastest...
Z: OhboyIwonIwonIwonWTF?Thatnotshiny!

Zoomer discards the unappetizing "key"...
V: Hey, it's just a huge sticker with black and white squares on it.
T: It's a novelty-size version of a Data Matrix, a two-dimensional bar code.
D: The Devil's work!
T: Actually, it's quite common. Data Matrices are quite useful; they can store up to 2kB of data.
D: Enough fit my whole brain...except for the directory of Domino's locations.
V: How do we decode it?
T: That's easy. I'll just snap a pic with my cellphone. *snap* Odd, it's just gibberish.


M: I think I can decode that...
V: That'll be the day you decode Zoomer's ramblings.
M: Oh, no prob'. Listen to it slowed down:

Oh, dear. I have been wrongfully awarded for an act of bravery which I had no part in. What the Feynman? The trophy is neither reflective nor of significant mass.

D: Deep. Is there anything that laptop can't do? Besides reading the mysterious floppy...
M: Well, it can't run Crysis at decent settings. In fact, it can't run any game released after 1998.
V: No video card huh?
M: Aye.
V: Luckily, we're at a games expo in Japan. They're like hour d'oeuvres here. You there!

Vezquex gingerly takes a triple-layered GeForce-Radeon-GeForce-on-a-toothpick of the platter resting on a waiter's shoulders and hands it to Mikeagun...
M: *chink* Just what I needed. ... Oh, that's what Vista's supposed to look like.
D: Wait until he loads Oblivion...
M: OMG, those jagged things were grass?
V: I thought it was Jello all torn up!
T: Let's explore more of the convention.

Our heroes run afoul of a booth touting over-sized energy drinks...
Z: OohcanIhavesome,fatherTenshi?
T: What am I a priest?
Z: Idunno,Daddy.
T: Oh, right. Well, if it's OK with Vezquex...
V: Hmm, let's see. 8 servings per container? I'd hardly call that realistic—
D: No, I do that all the time. Just drink 1/8 of it, and come back later, by which time it's gone flat, and...oh.
V: —and 8 times the maximum daily allowance of caffeine per serving? That comes out to 64 days worth of stimulants. What could you possibly need that for?
Z: GottabeatStarfox1-64andIfigureonedaypergame.
V: Fair enough...Sir, I'll take 50 cases of BALLZ 2 THE WALLZ, please.
Cashier: That'll be 60,000 Yen.
V: What a deal! That's only like $4! Keep the change.
T: Well, it's been a long day, especially for Zoomer. We should go home now.
V: I'll do you one better...

Fatigued, our heroes catch some shut-eye on a local park bench. Mikeagun wakes suddenly in a cold sweat...
M: Terror! MUFFINS! Secret Base! The floppy! Random ColecoVision footage.  Vectors! GURRKCBBSQ... MORE MUFFINS!

Chapter 74 by Daodos

Vezquex's Vortices is proud to present... VIDEO GAME OF DEATH!

Ooh, fancy title box to this one. Hmm, video game of death? What kind of title is that? Sounds like a "Saw" rip-off. Oh, wait, yah. Back to the story...

M: The Muffins! They're topless! What man would want you now?!! Maybe a foodophile. Gah!
D: Mind keeping it down? Someone is trying to win Hobo of the Month!
H: Ahem, I already won Hobo of the Month.
D: Wha'? Already? Damn you and your X of the Month abilities. Did you get a raise?
H: Yup, 3 more cans a month...and a Porsche.
D: A car? Aren't those expensive?
H: It's a Japanese Porsche. So it's in perfect condition, but it's the size of my fist to save on cost. Plus, its carbon monoxide emissions are super small! It also gets  30 blocks per gallon!
M: Enough about how well your lives are going as hobos, what about me? Ever since I saw that floppy I've had horrendous thought processed memories of locals and haphazard arbitrary, let my mind wander thoughts that occupy my frontal cranium during rapid eye movement in succession to physical manifestations of fright and anguish.
D + H: What? O_09 *scratch*
M: I keep having a bad dream that keeps me up at night.
H: Oh!
D: What?
M: I experienced non-pleasant sleep time interference to my natural sleep cycle.
D: Oh, of course!

So life as a hobo was not all rats and pan-handling as Mikeagun has thought. He still had something to do, something was restless in the dreary nights sky. In a distant land, for a moment, Mikeagun had dreams that he was not here nor there, but strewn across the world... This is the feeling god might have as all the sickness and happiness of the world melded together in a gray congealed pot of Gray eggs and spam...
M: Deep, but not quite. All I know is that that floppy was evil... Or at least Chaotic good.
B: By god, that's the most evil of the good spectrum!
M: I know!
V: Me and Tenshimaru are back from work!
T: Yup, you should see how much change we got! And one guy even threw in a stamp!
Random Guy: Yah, I threw a stamp in your cup by accident, I need that back, I meant to throw my pocket trash in there.
T: Over my dead body! These used to cost 32 cents! *Fights*

M: Any way there is one thing that I see every time I have that bad dream... There is a muffin factory... They collect all the muffin stumps found in garbage and form it together to make an impregnable muffin battle ship... And when I say battle ship I mean tower. And by impregnable, I mean who would want to eat through a muffin stump tower?
D: I would if I was hungry enough!
H: Well, being a zombie now, I could probably eat my way through it if it was soylent muffins.
T: Whew, guys I got the stamp!
V: Good for you, now if only we could find where this tower is located...
T: Hey guys, this is that missing stamp from my collection. It's from "Unloved Pastry Buildings Around the World!" It's the great muffin stump tower. It says here that it is guarded by 4 strong warriors, 1 on each level. And that the person/persons who would reach the top win a special prize...
D: I hope it's Muffin tops!

And so our gang is off to the Muffin Stump tower located in 1 conveniently location in South Korea!
V: God, we've been walking so far, are we there yet?
B: Almost, were close... I can smell it...
V: And how would you know?
B: Because I come from a long line of Muffin Mans, predating to the original muffin man, who in 1845 invented the muffin using orphans...
T: Look! It's there!
B: Pfft, what's this world coming to, everyone loves to eat muffins, but they don't want to know how it's made. (Oh those poor orphan children... There ghosts haunt me.)

D: We're here... Now we can! Can! Can! Can what?
M: Were here to see the significance of this place in correlation to the 3.5" flexible magnetic storage device that Master Chief gave us.
D: Uh... Ya! What Mikeagun said!

And so are heroes venture onto the first floor.
D: All right suckers were to to conquer this tower, so come on out with a fist full of quarters, because we are going to get it on like Donkey Kong!
Don: No need to shout. *Steps out of shadows* I am Don Van Dang and will be your first opponent, the key to victory is to strike an opponent in the heat of a mid-summers -
V: *Pummels him*Take that! Donny!
Z: Zoomer thinks some of you have been in Zoomers caffeine stash.
B: That was easy...
M: Obviously, the next floor will be harder... maybe.
Don: Guh! I am not done yet! Your fists feel of daises blowing in the wind!
V: That's why you don't use eloquent word usage narrator.
T: Wait a minute... Elowhaty is a big word... your one of them!
V: Please, Theodore Marugolondis.
B: That's your full name?
T: No, That's my Spanish name.
After defeating the first floor the team realizes the real challenge. That being the hard and arduous climb to the next level.
D: Ugh... Too many stairs, can't breathe...
V: It's only 2 flights.
D: That's more than I wanted to ascend today.
As the team reaches the 2nd floor, they are unbeknown that they are being followed. DUN DUN DUN!!!

M: Were here on the second floor. Who is the warrior of this floor?
???: It is I!
M: Who?
???: Me! A floating rubber band!
M: ... >_>
D: It makes sense, wait... Wha?
FRB: Beware my strechyness, for it rivals the largest of boxer briefs! *Jumps on zoomer*
T: Hold still, I'll use my UGWT.
Z: NONONONONONONONO! *Hits wall and passes out*
B: Nooooooooooooo!!!! My hyper friend is defeated! I shall take you out!
FRB: Like you can hurt me! *Hit with sunglasses* [IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE]
B: Everyone knows that a rubber bands only weakness is sunglasses. It's there natural enemy!
M: It's true!
FRB: No! Must reveal full form. *Changes to rubber band man*
B: Wow, it's Rubber Band Man, he used to be a super hero that endorsed both fun inside activity, and safe sex... Then a rubber band went flying and hit a kid in the eye...
RBM: That's right! If only I had chosen to be a office supply dealer!
B: Too late for that! *Flings giant sunglasses at him*
RBM: *Hit! You sunk his battle ship!* No! my rubber, it's melting!
B: Who knew that he would be defeated by the lowest of all fashions, the sunglasses.

Our heroes trek onward to the 3rd floor where they meet a very tall man with a brooding face, he sits in a completely dark room, illuminated only by candles.
Very Tall Man: Welcome, to the third floor. To your left is the stairs downward, take them and you can survive unscathed. Ahead is me, who will kill you if you dare approach.
D: I'll go with up, since that's all we have to do any way.
*The Very Tall Man gets up*
H: Hey! You're that albino basketball player that was the whitest man in all of the NBA.
VTM: That I was, but I thought hurting people was more fun so I came here.
D: Alright! Put up your dukes!
VTM: I'll take you all on!
D: *Charges at the Very Tall Man with his peeler* Huhaa!
H: *Throws a large Coconut*
T: *Reloads his UGWT*
B: *Takes a break*
M: *Plays free cell*
VTM: Easy! *Kicks coconut at Daodos, Daodos peels through the outer coconut and gets stuck*
D: Uh... -_-'
H: I'll help! *Jumps in the air*
VTM: *Headbutt*
H: Gah, you put a mark on my shirt Zidane, I'm not Mazarati!
T: There! All done!
D: *Shakes the coconut free from peeler which knocks the UGWT out of Tenshimarus hands* Uhhh... Sorry.
T: *Hits Daodos against the wall* Fine, I will have to take you out with my sword chucks! Huahhhhh, wha, hah, swoo, hah, uwaaa!!!!! *Swings sword chucks rapidly*
T: Owww... *Bleeds everywhere* Not my fingers again!!!!
B: Oh no! Who wills ave us from this strong Albino?!
M: what? Oh, ya, someone save us!
???: Never fear, for the head of the #1 VDTaFatEoD fan club has arrived!
B: Wow, he said the whole title.
M: We have a fan club?
P: My name is Pyskogorath, and I am here to save you and hey!!! Tenshimaru blood! I could sell this on eBay, and HUH! DAODOS IS HURT! Time to take pictures for tabloids, ("Daodos in drunken stupor after assaulting albino girl scouts!")
VTM: ... Yah, uh, you're hyper aren't ya.
B: Ya, I'd say he's more energetic, we already know someone whos hyper. (And by energetic, I mean ADHD)
P: In the name of VDT, I shall harm you! *Pulls out VDTaFatEoD fan club*
B: Oh, wow, he meant fan club literally.
M: That makes no sense, why would someone use a fan as a club?
H: Who cares, he's going to avenge me.
P: *Fans out candles*
VTM: I can't see...
P: Take this! *Thwack, The Very Tall Man flies out of the building.*
VTM: You'll see, one day albinos will rule the world!
M: Wow! That was impressive! Any one all right?
D: I uh, think I'm fine.
H: Besides having my chest caved in by an tall Albino Basketball player, I think I'll live. Being un-dead has that charm. Ohh! Finger food!

After fighting this begrudging battle, our heroes climb to the top of the floor to face the last warrior, until they claim there prize. Pyskogorath in tow.

P: So I have all the VDTaF trading cards, all the Daodos brand beanie babies, Brille brand blue blockers, Zoomer brand caffeinated shampoo, Hamster of Dooms line of coconut milk, Mikeagun replacement M keys fro keyboards, and I own all 37 volumes of Tenshimarus self help book series, "I think I'm turning Japanese". I also own all shot glasses, mugs, posters, and movies staring the VDT team! (Macbeth + 300 is a personal favorite!) So I was wondering if you could sign it later!
All: Sure
V: Not you! Us! All,you do is get in the way!
Us: We'd be happy to sign...
V: You to us.
V: Gah!
M: Here we are... the top floor... I wonder what waits... *Creepy music starts to play*
V: *Opens door* Theres a thrown...
L: Hello VDT....
T: Uh! It's an L!
M: No, it's Laser! We haven't seen you in a while... Hows therapy?
L: I don't know. I think it didn't go over too well.
B: How do you know?
L: Because I killed my therapist.
B: Oh, yah that's an early sign of evil.
L: Anyway, I wasn't expecting you all to come here to audition for this game!
V: What game?
L: Only the game that will be known as the Super Smash Bros killer... I sent an invite Master Chief, but he's all gross now and everything. I mean, did you see how drunk he was at the Tokyo Game Show? He has Cooties.
V: What? Who would think of spoiling the only thing that makes Daodos gets up every morning.
D: It's true. Instead of having coffee in the morning I look up the updates to Brawl.
L: Our game will take away the market from Nintendo and give someone else dominance.
M: Why pick on Nintendo.
L: Because I spend a lot of time online, and what's cool is to hate what's cool.
B: What's cool is to get some air!
V + D + T + P+M + H: >_q I say! *Monocle pops off*
B: Where'd you get the monocles.
P: I brought a box of the VDTaF brand monocles as well.
L: Any way, are you in or out?
M: Duh, were out, sure Nintendo may be popular now, but just wait till your Halo 3 comes out! It has HD graphics! Or your Final Fantasy XIII, it's only on PS3.
L: You're right, I think I'll buy a wii now.
M: Really?
L: Hell no, wii is for little kids! Have-at-you! *Shoots*
P: *Swings fan club* Nu-uh, you ain't passing. *Spits at Laser*
L: Ah! My eye, you spit in it! What the hell!
D: Yah dude that's a little far...
M: Well, just long enough for me to get our secret weapon...

What's this? When did Mikeagun make a secret weapon?
M: I did it all those days I was awake in Japan. =_= (26 and counting!)
And so a giant robot made of discarded Gamecubes, ps2s, and Xboxes.
H: Wow! That’s so cool! I guess the one who wins the console war is last generation!
D: Oh my god, I always wanted to pilot a giant robot!
T: I thought you wanted to own your own pizza chain?
D: That too.
V: GO! Vezquex, Daodos, Tenshimaru, and friends the greatest mecha of all time! (VDTaFtGMoaT)
VDTaFtGMoaT : Gaze upon the earth that cradles us dear, Where the noble gamers live life in fear, Where droves of undead ilk roam the streets.
L: Ok, so you have a giant robot. I’m a freakin’ laser beam! Watch! *destroys Muffin stump Tower*
VDTaFtGMoaT: A band of strange nerdy friends should suffice. Who are crazy and like to roll the dice. Pull off sweet moves and death-defying feats.
L: Are we gonna fight? Or talk…. Fine! *Shoots*
VDTaFtGMoaT: And though we may squabble in times of gloom. Our motions are fluid: *throws*, *slices*, KABOOM. We will trudge on, fighting for random treats!!! UBER GIGANTIC VICTORY COCONUT PEELER ATTACK!!! (UGVCPA)
L: Gah! It's peeling, hitting, and burning me at once!
D: Good job Mikeagun, you really pulled through!
*VDTaFtGMoaT explodes*
V: Maybe we should have made it from non junked old consoles.
T: Well…. We saved the gaming world again… want to go be hobos again!
M: What!? I thought we grew out of being hobos!
T: What do we do then?
P: Ohh! Theres an hero convention in Seattle next month. We can go to that!
D: We? Wait a minute, how did you know where we were?
P: I’m also a professional Stalker.
B: That sounds fun.
Well, the gaming world is saved, and in an epic time-saving fashion! Rock On VDTaF!
M: Fine, we’ll pull careers from a hat.

Chapter 75 by Tenshimaru

On the way to the hero convention...

Z: Woohoo!Zoomzoomzoomzoomzoomzoomzoom-
D: X_X Does this guy ever just shut up!?
T: -_-' I'm not sure... but if he doesn't stop this soon I will personally kill him with a wet noodle! (yeah, you heard me!)
Z: -zoomzoomzoomzoomzoom-
V: I think that monitoring his caffeine intake would be advisable...
T: O_O NO WAY! (sarcasm)
V: Shut up...
B: Hey, Zoomer.
Z: Whatwhatwhat?
B: Could you come over here for a minute?
Z: Yeah,sure.What-
B: *Bags Zoomer* HAH!
B: Not untill you calm down.
Z: I'mcalm,Brille.Tenshi,tellhimI'mcalm!
T: -_-' (muttering) ...yeah, if calm is the new word for annoying...

And so, Zoomer remained in the bag for the duration of the trip.

V: OK, we're here!
D: Hero convention here I come! ^_^ (singing, horribly) Ain't no stoppin' us-
B: NO!
D: -_-' Fine...
T: Hey, should we let Zoomer out of the bag now?
B: Well, he hasn't said anything for a while. Might as well... *opens bag very carefully*
Z: Hey, guys.
V + D + T + M + H + B+P: O_O
V: He's totally calm!
M: Wow...
B: You said it...
Z: Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go!

The team proceeds triumphantly into the hero convention, with a surprisingly calm Zoomer in tow. Everyone stares as they walk by.

Random Girl: OOH! It's Brille! Can I have your autograph?
B: P^_^ Heh... Well...
M: -_-' ...come on... *drags by ear*
B: T_T No, wait...

The group walks by a vendor's stand. Daodos sees a plushie... of himself!

D: YESSS! Finally! ^_^
Vendor: You like?
D: Yeah! *reaches for plushie*
Vendor: Well, TOO BAD! They're $99.99 each!
D: O_O What!? T_T
Z: Hey, guys, there's a drink stand near here. Let's grab a Dr. Pepp-
V: Nope, we've got to go over this way and... do something vague!
Z: ???

As they walk by another vendor, this one selling Tenshi Plushies (T: I want one! V: Come ON!), Mikeagun notices something strange about the plush toys... Their eyes are glowing red!

M: Uh, guys... You notice something weird about those plushies?
T: T_T They make me look fat-
M: No! Their eyes, they're glowing r-

Suddenly, the plushies jump off of the vendors' stands and rush our heroes!

H: You know, somehow, I knew this was coming...
V: Let's go! FLYING V!
D: What!? I thought it was the flying D!
V: Of course not... It's my forum-
D: *hits with peeler*
V: X_X OW! *throws ME disk*
D: <bsod> D'OH!

A colossal fight ensues, involving Vezquex, Daodos, and a horde of plushies. In the confusion, Zoomer manages to get a-hold of some caffeine!

V: *panting* Well, that's done...
D: Yeah, sorry about that...
V: Don't worry about it. It didn't-
T: T_T Here we go again...

Chapter 76 by zoomer

After consuming more caffeine (no one knows if it was eaten or drank by zoomer), he begins to rampage across the earth, complete with random gibberish that was so fast, noone, not even Mikeagun could translate.

T: We should really try to stop him.....
V: Yeah. No duh.
M: I'm on it. *Pulls out a Windows media remote*
V: What's that?
M: A remote. I can use it to pause zoomer.
T: You couldn't do that with your keyboard?
M: This is more portable, and has more media controls.

Mikeagun presses pause just as Zoomer....zooms past them....

H: Dude. Get some new material.

I don't see you narrating this story.

H: Whatever.
T: Shut up. Both of you. Mikeagun, just keep him frozen 'till he calms down.

Just then, some random guy begins dumping caffiene pills down Zoomer's throat in the background.

T: Uh oh.
H: What?
T: Look.
M: Uh oh.

At that moment, the remotes  power over zoomer breaks. What will happen next?

Chapter 77 by Tenshimaru

Off Topic: Okay, Zoomer... 1: learn to spell (noone), and 2... WHAT?!

T: Wow... that was wierd... It feels like the plot was forcibly taken over, twisted in some grotesque way, hit with a sledgehammer, and then stuffed into a container that was way too small for it...
V: Yup, that pretty much sums it up-
D: AHH! Sums! Math not good...
T: T_T ... ...
M: (whispering to Tenshi) I have no clue...
B: Well, there's got to be some way to stop Zoomer. I suppose we could wait for him to calm down...

Two weeks later...

V: Man! Does that guy ever calm down?!
B: -_-' Okay, so I was wrong...
T: We have to make him stop somehow...
B: I have an idea... HEY! ZOOMER!
Z: Whatzoomdoyouzoomzoomwant?
B: Come here for a minute!
Z: OkayOkayOka-
B: *bags* HAH! That works every-
Z: *shreds bag*
B: -time...

After escaping from the bag, Zoomer takes off into the distance.

T: Well... At least he's not bugging us...
V: Yeah... I wonder where he went though...

In Los Angeles...

Z: Zoomzoomzoomzoomzoomzoomzoomzoomzoomzoom...
Gangsta 1: Man! This guy's whack! Whas he on?
Gangsta 2: I dunno, G, but I sure want some o' dat!
G1: Yeah... Hey, kid!

What will happen to Zoomer now?

T: I don't know... But I hope it's funny!

So do I, Tenshi. So do I...

Chapter 78 by zoomer

After searching for Zoomer for a while, the team (sans zoomer) comes across two really confused gangsters in LA.....

T: ....k. They weren't helpful. They just keep babbling random crap.
M: Maybe I can use goodle maps to find zoomer's location.
H: He's moving too fast for google to track...in fact, I'M Moving too fast for it to track.
M: But you're standing still.
H: Exactly.
T: Yeah. Google sucks.
M: Fine.
B:....do you guys notice that guy staring at us from that roof over there?

Sure enough, the guy who stuffed Zoomer with the caffeine pills is in a cloak watching them from a roof across the street


He starts running


Who is this mysterious man? Why did he give Zoomer caffeine? And why am I STILL Making minimum wage narrating this stupid thing?!?!?!?

M: Shut up. You get benefits.

Like WHAT?!?!

T: Like us not killing you.


Chapter 79 by Vezquex

And so, as the Hour of Chuck approached, our writers quickly posted and tried to get some homework done. Meanwhile, our heroes began their search for the gangstas responsible for feeding Zoomer's addiction...

T: To the subway!
Z: Oohtheygorealfast.
D: Pshh. The subway's for nerds...Perfect!
V: ...and poor people. I agree, though; the sun is not good for our complexions. And Brille's hair is about to melt!
B: It won't melt so much as evaporate.
H: I also don't like bright thing in sky. Too hard to harvest human flesh unnoticed.
T: Then we're agreed!

The subway trip proved to be dandy, but there was one thing that was bothering Mikeagun...

M: Guys, do you notice anything strange?
D: Not in the slightest. Whatever do you meant?
M: Well, it's just that we've been riding the tube since teatime and there don't seem to have been any stops.
V: Oh, I didn't realize we were still doing that British bit...Hamster, you can have some pudding if you stop eating that lady's meaty arm fat...
H: Mm, brain pudding?
V: Uh, sure... *sharpies prefix "BRAIN" onto normal pudding*
D: Hey, she's not that fat. Wait...chubby...glasses...wizard hat...OMG IT'S A GIRL GAMER! EVERYBODY ACT COOL!1!13'!@@~!~ *spits and slicks back hair*
Girl: Hi. Where're you noobs headed?
V: We pwnz0rs were just trying to track down some cowardly foes. You?
Girl: I'm in search of the—

...this brief intermission brought to you by NBC Universal *elevator music*...

Girl: What was that? Am I going crazy?
V: Yep, Welcome to our world!
M: Doesn't this strike anyone else as out of the ordinary? Guys?
T: What? Out with it!
M: It's what I've been vaguely hinting at for the past hour; the subway has kidnapped us!
T: I know who's behind this. Oh, how many times must I eat you before you learn?

Chapter 80 by zoomer

...Just then, the complimentary T.V.s on the ceiling fuzzed out, and the image was replaced by the maniacally laughing face of....

D: ...Jack Thompson? WTF.
T: Yeah... I know.
JTC: I am Jack Thompson's Evil Clone, unfrozen two weeks ago, for the purpose of ruling the world with weapons, in case the original me's plan to rule with lawsuits backfired...which it did, so I am rebuilding the World's Ultimate Weapon!
H: ...RE-Build? It was already made?
JTC:Yes! And the loser controlling it didn't know how to use the dang thing! He even carelessly lost it! So I'm building a bigger one...HA HA HA!
M: OMG. He means the UGWT.
T: Who cares. The only way to use it is to hit people.
M: So you thought....you never really figured it out completely.
T: Sure.
V: C'mon. We have to stop him.
D: We don't know where he is. Besides, we have other problems. Zoomer just broke out into the tunnel, and is attempting to race the train....and by the looks of it, he's actually winning.
Girl: Who's Zoomer?
V: That guy out there. *points*
Girl: Oh. He's almost faster than my epic mount.
M: No way. Epic mounts are WAAAAYYY faster than that.
T: Shut up Mike. We have to stop him, kill Jack Thompson's Clone, and hopefully get this girl to like me.
D: PFFFF....right.


Z:ZOOMZOOMZOOMZOOMZOOM! I'mwinningyoustupidtrain! IamZoomer,youshallneverbeatmewhenI'vehadmycaffeine!

Will our heroes ever stop Jack Thompson? Will any of them ever get a girlfriend, or will they remain geeks for all eternity? WHEN WILL ZOOMER JUST SHUT UP AND CALM DOWN?!?!?!?! OMG. I'm just so sick of it.


PS: I DID do this during Heroes.....yep. I can and WILL multitask. Oh yeah....ZOOM!

Chapter 81 by Vezquex

Girl: Where was I?
H: Some sort of salivating quest...
Girl: You're weird. Ah, yes. I am looking for the Lost Floppy of Darude.
V: Sounds familiar.
Girl: Well, legend has it that it contains an extended version of Sandstorm that could be used to summon a real sandstorm. Trick is, it would only work on a copy of MSDOS 81—
M: —a.k.a. Microsoft Windows ME 2.
V: For once, 4Chan was right! We will join you on your quest!
Girl: Sure, soon as we escape from old smelly-head's grasp.
JTC: I heard that!
Girl: I know.
V: Isn't there any way out? Try your UTM, Mike.
M: No can do. That works through a satellite uplink, and we're under 10ft of concrete.
T: Cursed plot hole fillers!
Girl: I don't mean to interrupt your highly productive team meeting—
D: I take offense to that!
V: Yeah, we're not productive!
Girl: —but I might just know a way out...

And thus, the buxom enchantress materialized a portal returning our heroes and a few random poor people back to the surface...

D: Wait, you never told us your name.
Girl: It's 8.
D: I'm Daodos.
8: Bye.
D: B—♥_♥
Brille: Does this mean Catgirl's available? Oh, right...stupid Tony Blair.

JTC: Simple Earthians. You've only fallen into the 9th layer of holodeck simulations I've lured you into over the past 81 chapters. (Hey, I'm averaging 1 every 9 chapters; That deserves a raise!) MWAHAHAHA!

Chapter 82 by Daodos

And so our heroes on the surface feel the impending feel of doom on the back of there necks.
H: That was fun, but how do we stop Zoomer, he's kinda just running in place.
D: I have his weekness right here. *Pulls out coffee cup*
T: Its weakness
D: What are you? The grammer police?
T: Yes, it's grammar, by the way.
D: This ain't no ordinary coffee, it's decaf!
B: My god, I thought the coffee pot of orange was just a myth! There actually exists an warm useless brown water that imitates coffee?
D: *Pours over Zoomer*
Z: ZOOMZOOMZOOMZOOMZoomzoom zoom zoom zoom... zoom... zoom... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
M: Why didn't you do that earlier.
D: That girl was distracting me.
M: I think she said her name was 8.
D: Meh, girls are really unrepresented on this forum, I mean the closest thing to a girlfriend was an imaginary creature/halfling creature from modern japanese lore.
M: Hmmm... Good point, and even then you were dumped.
B: All the more chance for me! b>_> b
D: *Kicks*
B: Hey, you were all over 8.
I got heart eyed because I thought she said her name was "cake."
T: Uhhh... Guys, is the moon supposed to be that evil?
H: What do you mean?

Suddenly the rest of the gang notices an gigantic moon that sports an evil emoticon on it. A green tranny passes by shouting, "THREE DAYS! THREE DAYS" If only the gang could know what it means...

D: Wow... That's one evil moon...
MOON: >_<
T: Looks more frustrated...
M: *Calculating* Hmmm, aparently we have three days until the moon will collide with earth... Jack Tohmpson also seems to be on the moon with a ton of zombies.
B: How do you know?
M: Here, *Hands binoculars* There having there father/son zombie company picnic today. We have to stop him some how.
D: So? We'll just knock it back like a baseball!
V: If only we were talented at sports.
M: We have to do something to stop it. I mean, think about how all pizza in the world will be smashed.
D: No, I can't... I mean I WON'T let that happen... Theres only one thing we can do... A training montage!

And so the gang starts there three day preparations to assault the moon. The gangs biggest challenge yet, talking to girls and fighting off the moon, what a courageous group they are now!


Chapter 83 by Tenshimaru

Yup, challenging would be the word. After two and a half days of training, our heroes are ready to take on the moon.

V: Okay, you guys ready?
T: Didn't the narrator just say we were?
V: Right... Anyway...

As the moon looms ever closer, Jack Thompson's Clone's face appears on TV screens around the team.

JTC: MUAHAHA! Your impending doom is drawing near! You will never survive! Oh, I lied too; I am the real Jack Thompson, back from Hell to bring lawsuits to power once again!
T: AHH! Another plot twist!
D: Not so fast, Jack-Thompson's-Clone-who-is-Jack-Thompson! We challenge you!
JT: You dare challenge me?!
M: -_-' That's what he just said...
Moon: >_<
JT: I will defeat you! All your base are belong to us! You have no chance to survive; make your time! AH-HA-HA!
B: Good times...
D: We challenge you to a Worms 2-style battle!
H: Yess! Turn based chaos is our specialty!
JT: Fine... BEGIN!

Our heroes are transported to the moon, which becomes 2.5D and cheesy (quite literally).

V: Come on... Come on... Yes! We go first!
D: Okay, here goes. *selects peeler, moves to Zombie #3* Eat This! *hits with peeler*
Z3: OW! *falls in water* [-100]
M: I didn't know there was water on the moon.
JT: My turn. Go, Zombie #2!
Z2: *selects grenade (1 Sec, MIN Bounce), tosses straight down* Oops...


Z2: OW! *flies into Zombie #4, falls in water* [-100]
Z4: *falls in water* [-100]
H: Hah! Three down, one to go!
JT: Stupid Zombies, I need to find better henchmen...
T: My turn! *selects spork, eats Jack Thompson*
JT: Curse you, VDTaF! [-100]

Villians bit the dust...
VDTaF Team wins!

The moon floats back up to its original orbit and the team is sent back to Earth.

V: So long, Jack Thompson! I hope you like warm weather!
D: Huh?
T: Warm weather: Hell...
D: Oh.

And so the team wins again, due (once again) to Tenshi's amazing ability to eat and not gain weight!

D: Tell me you saved some this time...
T: Okay, I saved some this time.
D: You did?!
T: No.
V: D'OH! Here we go again...

Chapter 84 by zoomer

And so the team goes in search of the mysterious girl, 8, who everyone wants to be their girlfriend...at leat at first. Then, Vezquex gets an interesting though.

V: ...Didn't Jack Thompson say that he was rebuilding the UGWT, only bigger?
T: Yeah. But who cares. It's useless.
M: That's becuase you never figured it out.
T: Sure i did. I hit people with it, and it worked well for my purposes.
D: We should find it anyway. I sort'a miss the little guy...
All (but daodos): ?
D: yeah. It was cool. tongue
T: Anyway....I guess he's right...we should find it.
D: Yeah. Maybe it has a function to help us find 8...and a manual on all of it's other uses.
T: ...if only it had one to begin with.
V: Yeah. That would have made things easier.
M: I could find her....
T: How?
M: I could use google.
D: Google the number 8? I never thought YOU could have such a useless idea.
M: I'm a little off today. I'm practically babysitting zoomer all day.
Z: WOOO HOOOOO!!!!!!!!! Runningincirclesisfun. Icoulddothisalldayifyouwouldletme....NOTTHEBAG!

After putting Zoomer back into his bag, the team begins to search for the UGWT.....

Chapter 85 by Daodos

The gang sets foot on there next task of finding this new UGWT... Although if it was bigger than the UGWT, wouldn't it be the SBAUGWT? (Super Bad Ass Uber Gigantic- etc.), oh well, enough of these theoretical questions... Our gang sets foot into the, "FORBIDDEN ZONE(s)!"

M: Lets see... we headed past the "n00b forbidden zone", the "1337 forbidden zone", the "Guys who have a life and don't play videogames forbidden zone"... what's next?
D: Maybe an "All you can eat Buffet... forbidden zone."
B: Were walking around randomly, not buffet hopping again.
D: Man... that was fun...
V: It was until you mistook the food section of the library for a buffet.
T: How was he supposed to know. He's never been in a library.
D: Man that Huckleberry Finn was good...
M: Well, does anyone have any ideas?
B: The UGWT is gigantic isn't it?


B: Why should we conform to your ways?

Because I'm dating 9, 8s older sister... Well we were dating till 7 ate her...

V: Wow, that's lame. Number Jokes already. I mean we've only been going 80 something seperate adventures!

Give me a break, The writers are on strike.

B: Well, the "SBAUGWT" would be so large you think we would have seen it since it's all flat land around here.
T: Damn straight! When will you people learn hills just don't work! There plotting to kill us with there gentle slopes upwards.
D: That was very insightful Tenshimaru... *Calls nut house*
B: He must have a cloaking device or something.
M: Just give it a rest. Sure we could go forward all care free but we would end up an a obvious trap resulting in Brille being studly, (And quite rugged now that his beard has grown out being in the middle of nowhere,) Daodos peeling something with a misunderstood anime reference while ogling cat girls, Vezquex providing tech support, while making things worst, and Tenshimaru Tripping and getting lost, only to have an anti-climatic ending dues to all our damn DEMS! IT'S LIKE WERE SOME CRAPPY POST IN A FORUM NO ONE READS!
Z: Zoom!?
M: Oh, and Zoomer zooms.
D: I told you, he has Weapons of mass Deus-truction!

Raphael: Hello, were here for someone who has found out about our plan, I mean thinks that hills are evil... Also I'm here to remind you that you infact, are not just characters made up and presented in a text like collaborative fashion... In fact, have a muffin...
D: Is it healthy?
Devin: No, now eat it!

D: Oh goody! *Eats and passes out*
All: I'll have some! *Eats and passes out*
M: The muffins a lie!
T: *Eats* sure it is...
M: Oh well, *Eats*

RapH: Good... That could have been ugly. Mwahahahaha! *Cough*
DeV: Get more sleep, you won't be as sick as much.

And so after being brainwashed by the magical real muffins, our heroes wake up in the middle of nowhere city. Conveniently right bellow the UGWT 2.0. (That's right, I changed the name for I am a god!)
DeV: No, I changed the name because 2.0 was sexier.
Yes sir...

D: That was weird... Almost as if we were talking with god himself... Hey! I found a muffin with a bite out of it, good as new!
M: Wow... I am never breaking into Zoomers caffine stash again...
B: Uh, did it get alot more random in here or what?

Does a UGWT 2.0 even work right? Portals, accents, trees or other. What will the new UGWT do!?

D: I hope it makes Muffins!

Chapter 86 by zoomer

After the sleeping-muffing fiasco...

M: I told you. The muffin's a lie.

Yes sir...ANYWAY, since that was finished up, the team noticed something right away....

T: ......*looks around*...where's Zoomer?
D: Who cares. He was annoying....
M: yeah...hey? Where's my keyboard?
H: That would explain the text scrolling randomly everywhere...Hey look! someone left a perfectly good rotting corpse on the ground! Mmmmmmm......*Munch, Munch*
M: *Starts gagging*
D: Geeze...I never knew you were so squemish.....*looks, and starts gagging*
T: See? At least I'M smart enough to look away!
M + D: *Barf*
T: *Turns green*


JT: So you agree to the terms?
MC: Yeah. I guard this thing, you give me minimum wage...and food...and a place to sleep....so basically, I won't be a hobo anymore?

JT: Definetely not. There's room for promotion here at the UGWT 2.0 housing facility...just 2 more days and it will be complete! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

MC: Hahaha...what are we laughing at?
JT: Shut up.....I must tend to other matters....help yourself to the wall...
MC: Yah! Cheese!!! *CHOMP!*

Jack Thompson is back!!! AGAIN!!!! And is somewhere made of cheese...and has master chief working for him...when will the craziness end?!?!?!?! CHEESE!!!!!

D: ....please don't mention *gag*...food......*more gagging*

Sure thing....hehehe...CHEESE CHEESE CHEESE!!!!

ALL (but zoomer and hamster): *BLECH!!!!!* *Barf everywhere*


Chapter 87 by Daodos

After recovering our team suits up in preperation of taking down and stopping Master Chief.

V: Uh... We have to fight Master Chief!?
D: It's fine, I mean he's a hobo now! Hobo Chief can't possibly stop us!
M: You sound as if you have a plan... Well, MC is easy, it's Master Chief that's gonna be hard!
B: -.-? What?
D: It's so simple, we just do the one thing that always works in Halo... Jumping up and down for no reason...
H: Of course! The oldest tactical trick in our book! Ghengis Kahn made the move famous in his reunion tour in the 18th century! It's second only to stepping to the left!
V: What about the UGWT 2.0? And Jack Tohmpson?
D: Easy, Jack Tohmpsons one weakness seems to be Tenshimaru, no matter what the folly he always gets defeated through Tenshimaru...
B: You mean eaten!?
D: Don't remind me... TT_TT
H: He's a credit to hungry developers everywhere... everywhere...
M: Of course, Tenshimaru is the key! Hey Tenshimaru come and help us, were storming the place now!
T: Just me, the Tumble weed guys!
B: Wah, where is Tenshimaru!?
H: No wonder Zoomer took off, and right before I "donated" his liver to a good cause. (me)
V: Hey Daodos, use your Tenshi senses to find him.
D: I only have two senses. Pizza, and Catgirls!
V: Oh wait, I have "Tenshining"

V: Tenshimaru... can you hear me... We need you!
T: Busy, talk later, I have to go get coffee.

B: So, what's he doing?
V: Getting coffee...
M: For Zoomer?
V: I don't know Mikeagun, I don't know.

Meanwhile in some other location somewhere else.
T: Heres you're coffee!
8: What a great pet this thing is... Can he do tricks!?
T: Sure, he can not stay still... "TWITCH!"
Z:*Twitches* Xoom.
T: Don't get fancy now!
Z: zoom...
T: Man, these caffenee addicts... *Sips coffee*

Wha-what!? Tenshimaru is off on a date with 8? Well I'll be damned...
T: Yeah! I'm the least amount of loser out of all of you!!!

Well, what are we to do without Tenshimaru's gut to lead us!
D: i'm the gut of this pack!
Yes, but did you eat Jack Thompson... *Counts* I forget how many more times then you.
D: Shutting up now... *Peels a peeler to sharpen it...*
V: This is the way the world will end...
MC: Hey! What happened to me! Aren't I important again!?

Chapter 88 by zoomer

Once the team was back together, the team sets off for...well, what appeared to be a giant chunk of moon that seemed to have fallen when the fight with the zombies happened....

T: Hey, look. There's a chunk of the moon. Maybe the UGWT 2.0 is there.
D: Yeah, maybe. Hey, what happened to 8?
Z: I got overexcited and freaked her out.
H: Hey, what's with you talking normally all of a sudden?
Z: Tenshi's making me drink herbal tea all the time now....tastes good, though. *Sip*
D: Hey, wait, is that passion-fruit flavor?
Z: Let me check. *Sip* Yeah, it is.
D: That's mine!!!!
Z: Tenshi gave ittome!!!
T: Dude, I'll pay you back later...don't get him excited.
D: k....calm down zoomer, it's OK.
Z: All right...*sip*


MC: YES!!! Now I'm the program-manager for the UGWT 2.0 Project! I make $20 an hour...and all I'm doing is installing Vista on it!

JT: Yes....the Directx10 Technology should help make more destructive weapon effects.....
MC: Sir, it just blue-screened.
JT: NOOOOOO!!!! Try again, you stupid slave!!!!
MC: I'm not a slave. You pay me to do this.
JT: Fine....just do as I tell you.
MC: It took me 3 hours to get to that point......sad
JT: Fine...try this. *Hands MC an Ubuntu 9.0 disk*
MC: Cool! This is the first Linux to support REAL games!! SWEET!
JT: Yes...it will be all we need...I've hacked it to support DX10.
MC: O....k...I guess if it works, that would help....

Meanwhile, a bigger crisis ensues elsewhere....

D: WE'RE OUT OF TEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chapter 89 by AiTenshiNami

aitenshinami appears on the scene

Ai: Hiya! I'm Zoomer's SUPER ANNOYING little sister! That's my super power! I'm also chubby! Lolz! Haha! i have read nothing! HA! Well, I'm going to talk anyways.
D: Um, well we're kinda in the middle of something...
D: plus...we are out of tea.
Ai: ................................................(cricket chirps).............uh....kay?
Z: I TOLD you, never come when I'm talking to my friends! And....how did you get here?
Ai: Nvrmnd. Anywayz, ur annying 2.
Z: why are you speaking in chatspeak...?
Ai: dn't ask.
D: well, anyways, bacl to business. Who would care for some tea?
D: my pockets. Where else?
Z and Ai: well, yeah...that's true...but...why didn't you tell us this before?!?!?
D: Woah. Do you guys have like, ESP or something? I mean, talking at the same time? That was uncalled for. Creepy...
Ai: (completely clueless) huh? like the TV station?
Z: that's ESPN you idiot.
Ai: oh? and YOOOU would know WHHY????!?!?!?

Aitenshi and Zoomer start fighting. While this goes on, no one really pays attention and goes on with the scene.

D: ok, well then...any other problems we is facing? Speaking of which, where's Tenshimaru?!?!?
T: right here.
Here, we see tenshimaru has found a guitar store nearby! Where did THAT come from?!?!? And there's many rabid animals inside.....huh?
T: well, I see that I'm not going to be buying anything here...is that...HERBAL TEA?!?!? THAT'S JUST WRONG INSIDE A GUITAR STORE!!! (w/rabid animals.....)

Zoomer bursts through the windows of the store, invincible to the animals and broken glass, seeing as he is so hiked up on caffeine...
D: TENSHI! What have you DONE?!?!?!
T: Reads tea label ZOMG! There's SOOOO much caffeine in this!!!1!!!1!
AI: Yesm. That's true! Well, I gotta go get on AIM and talk to Jamie. L8er!
D: Huh? Oh well, what else do I have in here?
shuffles through pockets.....
D: oooh! A very fuzzy twinkie! Yummlez!
T: eew. falls over
what will happen next you ask? well, no one really knows, so whatever you want...i guess.

Chapter 90 by Vezquex

May God have mercy on our souls...Oh, didn't realize anyone else was there. If you're just tuning in—well you haven't really missed much. The model of a collaborative story did not take into account certain variables, such as gender or age. This must have been what they feared would happen to Wikipedia. At any rate, Daodos has date with destiny—wait that was last Tuesday—man, I really gotta start writing shit down...

V: If you intend to eat Jack Thompson, you're gonna need to train.
D: And that means a montage!
T: I've got the music covered! *starts to pick "Sweet Home Alabama"*

Daodos carefully eats an entire cheese pizza at Pagliacci's...Daodos fails to get a kite aloft...Daodos does half of a push-up on a gym floor mat with LoR sitting on his back...Daodos downs a whole cheesy-crust Domino's pizza with his hands tied behind his back...Daodos runs up the steps of the Great Pyramid of Giza...Brille gives the thumbs up while his sunglasses twinkle...Daodos inhales a Chicago stuffed pizza without a second glance...Daodos succeeds in getting a kite aloft...Confused customer searches for their missing pizza...Al Gore signs Daodos' peeler/lightsaber...

D: Aren't you proud of how I've grown in the last 4 months?
V: That's great, all that you've done, Daodos. But I don't think that really prepares you for facing our enemies. While you were off gallivanting, Jack Thompson, Hobo Chief, AiTenshNami, and the rest were no doubt scheming and plotting and building a massive army of Ron Paul supporters. Plus, DirectX 10 has been steadfast in attaining its goal of consuming 1% of the PC video games market!
D: But I looked so good doing it!
V: Well, I can't argue with that.
D: Besides, I predict that every 9 out of 10 games developed will be based off of our award-winning Phong engine until the mid-21st century. Which reminds me, I need to add HDR and bump-mapping to the latest branch of the source code. We can't afford to be at all behind the latest advances in rendering techniques! This is Pong, for crying out loud!
B: Does this mean I don't get to do sound effects? *bloop*
T: Yeah, we're gonna need an epic soundtrack too. I can hear it already, "Sweet Home Alabama Megamix", with no holding back on the flange!
Z: You're gonna need a goodbackbeat; I'll glugs'moreofthis Columbian energydrink and holdamicrophone uptomychest.
H: Oh, gosh, hope his heart doesn't give out.
V: Yeah, no one would want that. *crosses fingers*
Z: Noworries,guys. *pounds chest* Ihadthis pacemaker installed sothatkindofthing won'thappen.
V: Odd, I'm suddenly craving frozen burritos—Zoomer, you wouldn't mind going back to the apartment and nuking a couple for me?
Z: Zip,Zoom,Away!

Meanwhile, the Evil Super Friends are having a bowling party...
Ai: Whooopie! 3 more pins for a total of 3. WHERE"S YOUR GAME AT< JACkei??
JT: Have you been hanging around with Pysko aka Lackey #4?
aI: Shhhhhzzzzz!!!! We haven't gotten to his part of the story!
JT: Chief, do something about the girl...
MC: Hang on; if I pick up this spare, this kid promises me the rest of his birthday cake!
JT: But it's been sat on! If you're really hard up for food, I can give you an advance on your salary.
MC: Yeah, but then you'll immediately sue for it back like you always do.
JT: What can I say? I can't pass up a fraudulent case when I see one!
ai: lolz. You funny. I can has more munny's now? I spent it all on glow-in-the-dark braces. see?
JT: Oh, God, my eyes! Why are you, of all people, destined for Hell? Satan's gonna be forced into early retirement. Say, AiTenshi, have you ever considered a career in Eternal Damnation?
Ai: Umm, what's that?
JT: Well, it's like...being a librarian. You would make sure all of the souls are indexed in the right place so all of the...readers...can access the right kind of souls in an efficient manner to maximize their...enjoyment...of the souls.
Ai: I do like the manga section...
JT: Great! I'll send you down there to apply right now.
Ai: But—*poof*
MC: Pity. She could have helped me win bar bets, like "Is there anyone more of a loser than me?"
JT: Yeah, uhh, let's just get back to bowling...

So what have we learned here today?  Our writers are really lazy? Procrastinating is bad? Hell is bad? Other people actually procrastinate more than you do? That Daodos eats a lot of pizza? Procrastinating is fun? Yep, that's it. It sure is...

Chapter 91 by AiTenshiNami

Aitenshinami rematerializes in the bowling alley...REMIX!
Ai: I like Hell! Yay!
JT: You must be mistaken. Hell is 50 times worse than babysitting and only slightly better than the airport. Besides, those are only 1st-degree burns...
Ai: There was iced coffee and black play dough! A DREAM COME TRUE!!!
JT: Um, where did I actually send you?
Ai: I think it was a coffee shop in Thailand. First I met a cool kid with whom I traded my glow-in-the-dark braces for some black Play-Doh, but it didn't stick to my teeth as well as I hoped it would. Then his grandparents came over and started shouting at me in their native language. Scared half to death, I tried to sooth them by singing "La Cucaracha". Yeah...that didn't go over too well. They tried to kill me, but I fought them off with black Play-Doh! NYAHAHAH!!
JT: Wow. Could be some region of Hell I wasn't yet aware of, and if not, should be considered for annexing—a vacation spot for souls bored of the same old torture...
Ai: Let's bowl some more! My treat! That is, after you get me new braces!
JT: Ugh.

Chapter 92 by Daodos

Jack Thompson was having a handful with AiTenshiNami. He realized how much of a handicap Tenshimaru had in all the battles they faced in. If only he could sue himself for custody of the kid just to get rid of her... But poor Jack was a single parent... He was going to make that change...

JT: Hello, I would like to apply for your dating service.
ReceptionisT: Alright, just fill this form out...

Name: Jack Thompson
Gender: Male
Age: ??? (How old would Hitler be. We grew up together? I was in his class.)
Blood Type: -
Seeking: Female
WitH: Ambitions to rule the world, and an affinity for frivolous law suits. Also... Can fight idiots which may, or may not wield Peelers, Keyboards, or UGWT 1.0's.
About Me: I am a lawyer... I have 1 friend... He's in the hospital for eating bad cake... I hope he makes it... Anyway, I also was on a daily basis as a kid hit by a pong paddle by my dad for being so bad at Mario... That damn goomba... WHY DADDY! WHY ARE GAMES SO IMPORTANT!!! Sorry, I hate video games with a passion as well as being eaten.

Ai: What now? Huh,are you gonna get a girlfriend or something. ROFL
JT: Goodness, you're annoying. Maybe, But why wait when I can steal... And by Steal I mean Kidnap, and when I say kidnap I mean get in the car seat.
Ai: I'm old enough to not needz an carseatz! lol, you crzy foo!
JT: I SAID IN THE CAR SEAT!!! (Which is actually a straight jacket...)

Meanwhile with our good 'ol gang.

M: That's it, just two more pizzas...
D: Gwa, deh Deshi. [Hey! It's Tenshi!]
T: Oh... Hey guys...
H: What's wrong?
T: 8 doesn't spend enough time with me...
V: But you spend 13.5 hours a day together already.
T: That's besides the point... My heart is empty without her...
H: I would be glad to devour your heart as so I can ease your pain. (That will win me the Zombie of the year award for sure...)
B: maybe you should play that guitar you beat all those rodents off of to her!?
T: That was a Guitar Hero controller.
D: You mean theres a difference?
T: Guh fine.
D: Any way... Wheres my pizza?
M: oh, we have passed that stage... It's time to train big... *Knocks out with keyboard*
D: *Groan* Uh... where am I?
M: I'm afraid you must train under stricter conditions... I have placed you in a labyrinth from which I have also released ghosts... Crazy ghosts of different colors that will EAT you if you don't learn to run and eat at the same time. Eat all the pieces of pizza I have placed around and I will set you free...
D: I can't run for too long though! Especially if I'm chased.
M: That's why I have placed 4 peelers, that will break after a couple uses, so you can defend yourself. one in each corner...
D: Man, if playing video games was a sin, this would probably be punishment in hell...

So Tenshimaru runs out, his plastic guitar of 5 separate color buttons blowing in the wind.

T: 8! I shall win your time with my awesome beats!*Plays I don't know*
8: I told you, I need at least 8 hours of sleep a day...or else I will die...
T: Really?
8: No, but it's why I am called 8...
T: Well, I'll just stay over till then!
8: I have company over right now, but sure come on in.
T: Nice, Hows it doing, I'm 8's girlfriend... GAH!
JT: Oh hey, My name is Jack Thompson, I make a living crushing games under my foot, and I am here to find a sap to pawn my creepy hyper adopted child on, I mean a wife, I mean... I'm here to kidnap somebody? Yah That doesn't sound as bad... Gah! Tenshimaru!

This is awkward...

8: What a cute little creepy hyper child. It's a lot like Zoomer... Want some caffeine?
Ai: Nah, i like sugar more... and catz, lol.

Chapter 93 by AiTenshiNami

Another exciting episode of our REMIX series...
JT: Greetings, immoral youth. I have come to relinquish custody of one Aitenshinami Namiyaki [love-angel-wave wave-meat]. Since I will sue you if you do not accept the terms of my contract, I really don't see reason for any further discussion.
T: But you'll just sue us anyway!
JT: Then you leave me no choice...
Jack shoves a sock ball into Ai's mouth. It stays there, and she is suffocating...until Jack considers the liability involved and performs the Heimlich maneuver. Then he makes a mad dash and hijacks the Tenshi Mobile.
Ai: Ha! A failed attempt! But...can I live with you 8? I don't like Jack. He puts me in weird car seats stained with TacoTime's Casa Burrito sauce.
8: Ok, but I don't know if I can feed you on my finances....
Ai: Are you kidding?
8: You're a growing girl, you know.
Ai: But....sugar is cheap! And I don't need a bed; I can sleep on the floor!
8: Well, alright. I'll save up enough for a litter box and some newspaper...I mean a bed. Yeah.
Ai: MMMMMKay! Hey! where's Jack?
T: He just stole our car.
8: Darn it! Not again...
T: On the upside, he's got a little surprise coming to him...

Meanwhile, driving down the highway somewhere in America's corn belt, Jack unexpectedly gets a flat tire...
JT: Shit. There better be a spare in the trunk, or I am suing like I've never sewn before. I mean "sued". Oh, who am I kidding? I'm suing either way.

Jack Thompson opens the trunk...
Ai: Hiya! The ride was bumpy, but it was fun. Can I ride in the main part now? I brought gummy bears!
JT: Kind of you to offer, but I will have to decline.

Jack Thompson closes the trunk and abandons the car, traveling on foot and whistling to appear inconspicuous.

Chapter 94 by Tenshimaru

V: WTF? What was that all about?
T: Beats me...
H: Anyone got any dead skin?
T: <.< You really creep me out.
H: Oh, there's a dog! Here, puppy...
D: We need to find a way to make him un-undead.
V: Brilliant idea... And just how do you propose we do this?
M: If he consumes large quantities of normal food he should become human again.
T: What do you mean, agai-
T: Ouch!
D: Where are we going to get that much food, though?
V: *shoves calendar in Dao's face* THANKSGIVING!!!
D: oh... heh...

That's right! Thanksgiving has arrived! It's also the best time of year to buy the official VDTaF apparel, including the narrator action fig- *smack*
B: Cut the sales pitch. We don't even have official apparel.
D: What about my plushie?
V: They were evil, remember?
D: Oh...
T: So, now all we need to do is feed Hamster a bunch of turkey (and likewise) and he'll stop eating our body parts!
H: Don't be so sure...
V: Right...
D: To the grocery store!

The team travels to the nearest store in search of Thanksgiving dinner. Little do they know, there is a parade going on downtown.

Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen: Peyton Manning!
Crowd: *cheers*
Woman: Peyton, here! Throw my baby!
Peyton: Sure thing, Miss. *throws infant 50 yards to teammate*
D: Wow, look at that spiral.
V: WTF?!


T: That was weird...
V: Yeah, let's go get the food.

The team purchases a first-class Thanksgiving dinner-

T: Wait, how did we pay for that?
B: Meh... Who cares?

-and goes to Brille's house to prepare it.

B: So, just put the food in there and my computer will cook it for us.
D: Wow, quite the setup.
B: ^_^ Meh... It's nothing much...
V: So, now we come to the last problem with our plan...
D: What?
V: How do we get Hamster to eat it?
H: Huh?
V: NOTHING! Just keep watching Hamtaro...
H: OK. *singing* It's Hamtaro time! ^_^
T: You know, Vez has a point. He won't want to eat it.
D: Sure he will!
H: *sniff* Is that food I smell?
D: Want some?
H: Is it human flesh?
D: No...
H: Heck no.
V: T_T I told you...
T: We could feed it to AiTenshiNami, and Ham could eat her!
M: Sadly, that won't work.
T: Shoot...
A: Ai resent that! ^_^
D: I've got an idea!
V: What?
T: An idea? From Daod-
T: Ouch!!!
D: Hold on... *fashions human body out of food* Hey, Hamster!
H: What?
D: I found this dead body. Want some?
H: O_O *eats*
D: HAH!!! It worked!
T: T_T I didn't know Hamster was that stupi-
T: OW!!! WTF!?
H: Ugh... I feel... funny...

As the team looks on, Hamster undergoes an amazing transformation! His skin becomes whole, and his arms cease to dangle! He is human again!

T: What do you mean ag-
T: X_X
M: You think he would have learned by now...
D: HAH! Tenshi? Learn?
T: ^_^

So, Hamster is back to normal-

T: Normal...
H: Don't push it...

-and our team has been restored. No more dead bodies for Hamster!

H: That's what you think...
H: Just kidding! ^_^

Chapter 95 by zoomer

After Hamster was returned to normal due to the consumption of LOTS of turkey, the team notices something right away....

T: Is Zoomer missing AGAIN?!?!?!
D: Yeah. I fed him the leftover turkey, and now he's sleeping in the closet.
H: ZZZzzzzzz......
D: And apparently hamster's asleep on the coffee table.
Z: Let.....me.....outta....here......ugh...too much turkey....
D: I locked the door. tongue
M: Thanks. At least he'll be away from all my computer equipment.

Meanwhile, an army of turkeys is rampaging through downtown Seattle, and are making their way toward Mikeaguns house....what will become of the team?

H: Look! More food!

Chapter 96 by Vezquex

M: My Mikey sense is tingling. Oh noes, my house! Turkeys...everywhere!
H: What do we do?
V: We must assemble an elite turkey-eating force!
D: Ooh! Ooh!
T: But who?
D: *raises hand*
V: Led by a true lover of food—
D: Hello?
V: —Someone who lives, eats, and breathes food.
T: Hmm, I don't know.
D: Who else, then? Not you, Tenshi!
T: Well, if it's OK with everyone else.
ALL: Hmmmmmm...uhhhhhh...*snores*
D: Oh, you're all knocked out from the tryptophan. Oddly the three of us are unaffected.
T: Sounds like Deus Ex Turkey-na to me!
D: Meh.
V: OK, let's unbutton our vests, unfasten our suspenders, loosen our sweat pants, and get eating.
T: Yeah, I don't own any clothing like that, but point taken.
D: To the Tenshi Mobile!
T: It was stolen...
V: Then surely, we could take the Wii baloon.
T: Batteries dead.
D: Won't it run on Forum Fuel?
M: I haven't converted the engine yet.
V: You know, we could always just walk. *smacked*
D: Unicycles?
V: Ding ding! We have a winner.
B: You guys are forgetting something crucial. It's not like I have a garage full of unicycles. As I am from the future and therefore have not even been born yet, you are lucky I have a house at all!
T: How convenient of you to wake up at that exact moment.
V: (from another room) Hey guys! You're never gonna believe what's in the garage!

Daodos and Tenshimaru rush out into the garage, just as Brille conveniently falls back asleep. They are greeted with the sight of three shiny new unicycles, one for each of their neon-bright wigs. Vezquex hits the garage door button, and each of them mounts their unicycle and rolls out to meet their fowl foes!

D: There they are! Those delicious bastards—what would they want with Mikeagun's house anyway? *munches*
T: I don't know. Maybe it has to do with the mass drugging of the population. Damn tryptophan! *runs over*
V: Yeah, *whacks turkey with other turkey* but something tells me that this time Jack Thompson is not the mastermind.
D: They're setting up some kind of tower...and there's a giant laser on top. Could it be the next UGWT?
T: I don't know. Let's see: it's uber-gigantic—
V: Check.
T: —it's clearly a weapon—
D: Check.
T: —and it's most certainly a thing—
D + V: Double check.
T: —so I guess that makes it a UGWT. Yay! We figured it out! But how do we destroy it?
D: Hmm. It looks a little bit too big to eat. And I don't believe my peeler would do much damage. Perhaps Vezquex's ME2 disk could melt it?
V: Sorry, guys. I threw out all of those old disks and got a brand new Mac.
D: Guh! I would never in a million years.
T: Yeah, you've doomed us all with your OS decision.
V: But there's no shortage of shiny!
T: Vez, what's gotten into you?

*step step step step* (up the tower)
V: Goodbye, my sweet, juicy Apple. *kiss* T_T
*unrealistic computer blips* (???)
V: I'll never forget you, even though you had a bite taken out of you.
*step step step step*(down the tower)

T: Are you sure it worked?
V: Wait for it...
Turkey: Gobble gobble gobble. WTF? Gobble gobble. Not that! Gobble. Sir!
Bill Gates: Et tu, Steve? It doesn't have to be this way.
*tower collapse*

The day is saved again. If you're not sure what happened, the new dock in OS X 10.5 Leopard, combined with the glossy screen, was so uber-shiny that the glint started a chain reaction of explosions that only Hollywood could deliver. Happy Thanksgiving, everybody...everybody except George W. Bush; I hate you. Oh, and Jack Thompson, that guy is just a jerk and should die. Keep up the charity work, Bill!

Chapter 97 by WillyD

On a random day, after many random occurrences, Elation (WillyD) randomly appears through a dimensional gateway right in front of our heroes.

D: What the heck?!
T: When did Billy get here?
E: It's the DEVINATOR!!!
D: It's Elation! My nemesis to be!
E: That's right! You psyched for this weekend? </pun referring to Daodos's powers in the upcoming Elation Comics>
D: Definitely.
T: Wait, how the hell did you get into our dimension?! I thought Vezquex had an anti-bot program blocking you out!
E: Oh, the program is still there, Vezquex left a spare key under the doormat if you catch my drift...

Brille walks in and suddenly notices Elation

B: Woah! How the HELL did YOU get here?!
E: Boris!! *pokes Brille*
B: *angrily* ¿WAS?!
E: Alles!

The clouds part, and a random ray of sun shines down on Elation's face. After a few minutes, it disappeared again. Everyone stares at him. Silence ensues until Tenshi breaks it.

T: Wow, that was really screwed up...
E: Well I thought I heard the narrator say something about it being a totally random day when I got here...
T: WTF?! You can hear the narrator?! The narrator doesn't even talk! He writes in italicized text!
E: Uhhhhh...  okay... but I heard him talking...
D: *whispering to Tenshi* He's a Mormon... He hears voices in his head...
T: *to Elation* Well, okay then... Good luck with that.

Was Elation really hearing me typing this? How could he?! I type in f***ing italicized text! Dang Mormons... they hear things...

Chapter 98 by zoomer

As this is going on, zoomer finally wakes up in the closet...after about a week.

Z: What's going on?...ugh.....I feel like I have no caffeine in my system...well, I should get out of this closet...it's locked from the outside...

At that moment, zoomer began hearing voices due to the lack of caffeine.

Caffeine voices: Hey, look! Theres a chainsaw over there!
Z: There is?
CV: Yeah. Use it to get out.
Z: Not...enough...energy...
CV: See that shelf above you? The instant coffee is kept up there.
Z:Mmm.......*crunch, crunch, crunch*.....WOOHOO!!!
CV: Oops...that means I have to go away for now....GOooodbye...ye...*POP*
Z:YEAH!!! *Chainsaw whirring, slicing through wall*

Just then, the team returns to Mikeaguns house...

M: Hoo...Good to be home. I'm tired from all the aimlessly wandering around after that incident with the turkeys...

T: ...Do you guys hear a chainsaw?

M: ....WHERE'S ZOOMER?!?!?!?!?!?!
E: Who's Zoomer?
D: You'll see.
T: Hehehehe.....why am I laughing?

What will become of Mike's house? Why IS Tenshi laughing? And can Elation hear me talking again? It just creeps me out to know he can hear me....stupid mormons...

E: I resent that.

Chapter 99 by Tenshimaru

Even after his miraculous (and caffeine aided) escape, Zoomer cannot seem to find the rest of the team. Is he lost? Or is the caffeine distorting his perception of reality?

T: Probably the latter...

Right. Anyway, we now find Zoomer, stranded in Bothell.

Z: Uh, guys, where'd you go?
Z: Uh, guys?
—Once again... Silence—
Z: Darn.

Meanwhile, at Brille's house (that's where they were in the first place)...

T: No, seriously, am I the only one who heard the chainsaw?
V: Maybe you should see a psychologist about that.
D: We'll sign you up for Dr. Phill!
T + V: NO!!!
T + V: ???
T + V: Why are we talking in unison?
D: Stop that, you're creeping me out!
T + V: Sorry.
D: ARGH!!!
M: Hey, guys, check this out!
T + V: What?
D: T_T Why me...
M: I Googled Zoomer's name and-
V: You Googled Zoomer's name...
B: Wow...
M: No, no. Look!
V: (reading) Zoomer Locator. Able to find your lost Zoomer anywhere on the globe, at the touch of a button. Go figure...
M: Let's try it! *clicks button*

Subject FounD:
Name: Zoomer
Location: Bothell

T: -_-' Fat lot of good that did us...
V: Yeah, talk about a letdown...

Will the team ever find Zoomer? And will Mikeagun ever learn that Googling is not always the answer? Oh, and can Mormons really read minds?

E: Yes, they can.

T: Hey, all of you lazy writers out there! Are we on strike or something? Someone write a Christmas Special! Even just a normal episode! Please?

Chapter 100 by Daodos

Getting back from a writing strike, crossing the picket lines we return to bring you VDTaF in HIGH DEFINITION! (Where available) And now we continue...

M: So he's in Bothell
V: Mmm-Hmm..
M: And you want us to try and find him? Bothells 5 times the size of Houston!
B: Plus I think theres a ton of Blake Lewis Zombie fanboys hanging around there still.
H: Nice, reject zomboys!

D: Well...It's as good a day as any to die...

B: WAIT! Why do we care where zoomer goes?
M: Because Tenshimaru is Zoomers legal gaurdian. And there for responsible.
B: And?
T: Well, Tenshis legal gaurdian is Daodos belive it or not, and his legal gaurdian is Vezquex. And I happen to be Vezquex's legal gaurdian making me in fault over what zoomer does.
H: Wow, lots of love going around. I wish my best friends were my ancestors... Kinda.
B: I can be your father.
H: Nice.
T: Yah, it makes the holidays all the better.
D: Any way, lets go grandpa, The less money we have, the less we can celebrate Christmas Capitalist style.
M: You mean in debt? (And don't call me Grandpa!)

Searching the wastelands of Bothell they determine the only place Zoomer can be.

B: Wait! He has to be at Starbucks!
H: Which one? Theres like... 3
M: We'll split up. Hamster go with Daodos.
H: I want to go with Daddy Brille!
D: Hey, he's all our daddies at heart.

M: And Tenshimaru with Vezquex, and Brille with Me. If we don't find Zoomer before dark, I'm canceling Christmas! It's in my task manger, and I WILL end its process...

V: Pfft... Christmas is too long any way, who cares if it's a day shorter. Theres still 7 days after that!
T: I think that's Hanukkah.
B: Or maybe Kwanzaa?

Searching the near by starbucks works better than expected when Daodos comes into contact with wild Zoomer!

Daodos sends out Hamster of Doom...
Zoomer uses Headbutt
Hamster of doom uses COCONUT BARRAGE~
Zoomer Flinched!
Daodos uses item PEELER!
Zoomers evasion down!
Zoomer uses CHAINSAW!
Zoomer missed.
Hamster of doom uses Yawn!
Zoomer feel asleep.
Daodos uses POTATOES SACK!
Rename wild zoomer?

H: Finnaly! We got him!
D: And only 23 Zoomer related deaths happened.
D: Slusho?
H: Yah, it's that new slurpee like drink. Think this may have caused his craziness?
D: That, or Zoomer found out about caffeinated shampoo.

And so the gang returns home with Zoomer in hand. Another Christmas tragedy avoided thanks to pokemon related violence. Lil' Daodos got that giant peeler cover he wanted, Mikeagun got his paycheck without any money deducted, and Hamster won, "Nicest employee of the month", Tenshimaru got a ringtone of, "I Think i'm Turning Japanese" and Brille got custody of Hamster of Doom over his real parents. Vezquex got a dredle, which counted as a Hanukkah reference in a Christmas special, and Zoomer got a punch card, prepunched for a free coffee. But most of all are friends learned, Frendship and teamwork beat any gift of all, and that together there Christmas was the best one of all.

{Slusho can be found here at www.slusho.jp "You can't drink just 6!" Also, merry christmas! Small Christmas special.}

Chapter 101 by zoomer

T: ......in retrospect, that free coffee card for zoomer was NOT a good idea.

The team looks on as most of the Puget sound area lays in rubble, looking for Zoomer.....

H: He couldn't have done this...could he?
D: I doubt it. That was only one coffee.
M: Did you guys let him get the kind he wanted?
T: ....Yeah.....
M: He probably got his coffee with an extra shot of espresso, then....

Zoomer then walks up, exhausted, and out of caffeine.

Z:...whoa, what happened here?
D: you destroyed everything, that's what!
Z: I didn't do this!
M: Then who did?
Z: I don't know.
D: Wait....why are you so normal right now?
Z: Oh...right. I was running around, and I ran into some strange ruins.
M: Really? What's that got to do with it?
Z: There was a weird language written on a stone tablet...my mind was going in overdrive, so I translated it in 5 minutes.
T: Who says caffeine doesn't have any benefits?
Z: Yeah...I read it, and then a hyper copy of me appeared, and I felt....normal.
Z: Yep.

At that moment, a whirlwind passes by, screaming: "FREE AT LAST! ZOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!" at the team.

D: Great. Ah well, I'm sure that someone else will take care of it.
T: Let's go see these ruins.

And so, the team heads toward the foothills, in search of the ruins Zoomer found......but where is Elation?...or AiTenshi?

Ai: Mmmmm....slusho. Too bad they only sell them in Asia. Ah well...I've always wanted to go to Japan!
Elation is not speaking, as he is at home meditating to hone his medium/hot....mormon psychic...ummm...skizzles. Yes!
Well...we'll see where this goes. big_smile

Chapter 102 by Tenshimaru

We find our heros in Bothell (still?), wandering through the ruins of the city. As they walk, Zoomer relives the day's events.

Z: So then, I was like: "Woah!" and my inner caffeine addict just popped out of me!
V: Are you sure you're alright?
Z: What? Oh, I'm fine. Never better!
T: (whispering to Daodos) Well, he's still just as talkative...
D: Yeah. I wish we could solve that.
V: Argh! I'm sick of this! I thought we were supposed to visit exotic lands. Since when is Bothell exotic?
D: He's right! When are we going to do something other than walk around Bothell?!
T: Arbitrary Decision! We're going to Spain!
V: NO! We've already been there. Besides, since when do you get to make arbitrary decisions?
T: Since I started this team.
V: As I remember it, I started this team!
V + D + T: Grrrr...

An epic battle ensues, involving Wii-motes, ME Disks, Sword-chucks, and a very large peeler.

M: What has this world come to? Teammates fighting over something as trivial as who started the team, young children so addicted to caffeine that their inner conscious is torn from their body, not to mention the lack of knowledge, despite the existence of technology that can be used to attain it; it's outrageous! Something must be done!

The battle stops immediately, and the chirping of crickets can be heard...

D: Thank you.
V: So, Mikeagun, what was all that about?
M: <_< >_> What? Oh, that... <_< >_> Nothing.
V: Want to talk about it-
M: No.
T: Anywayyy... I think we should go to Australia.
V: Great idea!
D: What are we going to do there, though?
T + V: O_O
D: What?
V: You used correct punctuation!
D: I did? COOL!
B: Can we just go?!
V: Oh, right.
M: *Ctrl+Alt+Win+Cmd+Caps+Tab+Esc+T* \goto\Australia

The team is instantly teleported to Australia. What will they encounter there? Who knows!

T: Heheh... I like this place...

Chapter 103 by Vezquex

V: You know, I've always had this weird fantasy where I am riding across the outback in a kangaroo's pouch. But I couldn't...
P: Sure you can!

Our old friend Pyskogorath (formerly Lackey 4) pops out of a nearby kangaroo's vagina just long enough kidnap Vezquex.

V: You? Hell wasn't hot enough for ya?
P: Hot, yes. But it was too dry, so I'm on leave for a spa vacation—
V: —In a kangaroo's cartridge slot.
P: Yes.
V: Well, that's enough of that. But before I go, I just want to know one thing. How do we both fit in here?
P: Hammerspace, of course.
V: Like this? *pulls hammer out of satchel*
P: No, more like this. *pulls giant hammer out of satchel*
V: Hey! Get out of my satchel.
P: HERe's oUR StOp!1
V: There's the Pyss we all know and love.
P: THANK yoU VERY muCH!@!!~

In the middle of the outback, our duo walks into a surprisingly affordable steakhouse.

Bartender: I'll be stuffed! Olivia, take a squizz at this! Customers! Throw smoa shrimp on the barbie, and get some plonk out here! Don't worry, blokes, you'll be off your faces in no time.
P + V: Huzzah!

And it's a happy ending for our young lads. Or not...

Bartender: Get out!
V: Why?
Bartender: I am not, nor have I ever been a hoser.
P: Then why do you operate a steakhouse in the middle of the outback?
Bartender: Who the hell do you think I am?
V: Spin on?
P: i bELieve it IS TIMe!

Vez and Pysko get into their respective giant androgynous hydraulic fighting vehicles and fuse them to create an even more powerful machine.

Bartender: You call that giant androgynous hydraulic fighting vehicle? This is a giant androgynous hydraulic fighting vehicle!

Just as our friend from down under is trying to figure out what to do to back up that statement, the restaurant caves in and everyone is swallowed into the newly formed chasm. Now, a 3000-click free fall takes a bit of time, so I'd like to take this time to tell you about a fabulous new product, the DRILL BRA. It provides support throughout the day and eviscerates anything you throw at it!...

V: It's probably a good time to start shopping for Xenu Day presents—only 20 billion years to go.

Not wanting to miss out on the action, D, T, aF show up via command prompt to wish Vezquex and Pyskogorath luck.

C:\ > dont believe in us believing in you
C:\ > believe that you believe that we believe that Eli Manning believes in you!

V: Inspiring words!
P: Say, when does this free fall end? *crash*
V: zomg! An ancient civilization.

Village PriesT: Demons from above! Quickly, everyone commit the Aborigine equivalent of seppuku !
Villagers: Much obliged! *harpsichord plays as they murder each other with boomerangs*
Bartender: Don't be bludgers! That ain't my bowl o' rice, in fact it makes me chunder. So are you and your cobber gonna have a blue or what?
V: I'd have to go with ''what''. Pysko, take these performance enhancing drugs!
P: OK! *takes* True story, I took gold in rhythmic gymnastics at the 1916 Olympics.
V: Riiiiiiight...
P: I'm transmorphing into a hideous monster! This wasn't in the brochure!
V: Now, attack, my creature from down under!
V: And...scene.

Fade to rainbow.
P: (slobbering) Uhh, Vez? How do I turn back?

Chapter 104 by Tenshimaru

Once again we find our heroes in somewhat of a predicament. Once again...

V: So what have we got so far?
M: Well, sedatives didn't work, and neither did pumping his stomach...
T: *shudder* uuugh... More of Pysko than I ever wanted to see.
Z: What about hitting him with that giant hammer?
D: Let's see. *hits*
P: X_X
D: Nope...
Z: Repeatedly?
P: Now, Daodos...
D: *hits repeatedly*
P: X_X O_O T_T ^_^
M: Nope, just random facial expressions...
P: ~_~ $_$ ^_q
V: And a monacle?
M: Having him run around in circles for 2 hours didn't work...
V: Yeah, all that did was make him smell like horrible beast sweat.
B: -_-' And he would have smelled like something else?
V: Shut up.
T: What about this performance reducing drug?
V: O_O Where did you... And why didn't you... You know what, never mind... Just give it to me.
T: Here.

Vezquex gives the drug to Pyskogorath, and-

V: Hey! I don't need you to narrate my actions!

Fine. I'll just leave then.

D: Pshh! Empty threats!

You think so? *leaves*

D: Oops... I didn't think he would.
V: Great, now you've pushed him over the edge!
D: Me?! It's my fault now, is it?
V: Yes, it is!

A raging battle ensues... Wait! I don't have to do this! *leaves (again)*

V: Wow... What happened?
D: I don't know. I don't seem to be able to attack you.
H: Ooh! I'll do it!

H: I assume the position of narrator

T: What?! I didn't know that we could do that!


D: X_X That was... uh... anti-clima... uh... tatic...
T: Close enough...
V: T_T Does he have to yell?
T: -_-' Probably not.
B: $_$
B: I just thought I'd throw that in there...

H: Oh, right...

H: What will happen next?

H: There.
V: >_< We have to get our old narrator back...

Chapter 105 by Daodos

H: After VDTaF being on Hiatus for months due to the writers strike, we finally returned. After are first show returning are Narrator goes on strike. Leaving me to do his duties. May someones god help us!

V: So. are we like... you know any different?
M: No, not really. All we have now is an Omnioponent {Vez, fix word and remove this please.}character.
H: Yup. Once again i get a promotion. And I'm more stealthy! I'm over here...

H: Hey look! I'm over here now!

B: But you're a loud voice from the sky now... Isn't that anti-Ninja?
D: Big deal Hamster. You may be over there... But I bet you can't scratch an itch with a voice. *Scratches with Peeler*
H: Damn... you have a point! >_< I'm so itchy now! [I bet everyone reading this scratched themselves.]

H: We need to get the Narrator back!

No can do. I need a raise. i want what you guys are paid.

B: But we get paid in Love!
D: You can't get a raise of love! "Love" is a record high at $4.35 a Hug. I alone only have 36 MPH. (Momentum Per Hug.)

How can it be that high! We invaded that Zombie island for the heart of Jack Thompson, said to be the ultimate black hole of hatred, yet a perfect magnet of love! (See it in VDTaFs spin off epic coming soon!)

T: [SPOILERS]I ate that too... T_R[/SPOILERS]

Did you just have an "R" for an eye?!

T: Yeah, sorry. SOME WRITERS!!! have some trouble typing efficiently. And they butcher grammer. Which I never do.
D: In his defense, he had to type this on a Mac...
V: Look at you. Always standing up for Daddy! Writers pet!
B: I'm gonna have to agree with Daodos on this one.
M: Yeah, I bet you would!
V: Wait, Mikeagun is here superfluously as a character needed to be smart in an ocean of testosterone, peelers, and honey.
M: Got a problem?! Do I have to remind you that I am the most god like person here, even without the voice or alter ego to match?
V: Shutting up now.

Damn inconsistencies...

H: *Scratch*Ahhh... sweet relieve. Good to be back...

Chapter 106 by zoomer

And thus, Zoomer had been feeling ignored, and, as such, wondered off to entertain himself.

Z: Hmmm....I don't know what to do. The caffeine-addicted side of me is gone. This sucks. >_<

Ai: Hey Zoomer!
Z: I thought you left!
Ai: Well, I did have to get myself out of a locked trunk.
Z: You know what? I don't even want to know.
Ai: Why aren't you hyper?
Z: My personalities split...
Ai: Ok, I don't even care.
Z: You are a very cruel person.

And thus, the most uneventful episode ever commences! *Zzzzzz....*

Z: I guess we should find the others.....HEY! They left Australia without me? But everyone loves Zoomer!
Ai: See ya! *vanishes in a puff of pink pre-teen girliness*.


Z: WHY MUST I BE LEFT ALONE?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!!?

Where did they go? Not even I know. Zoomer's on his own....not good.

Z: Hey, it's my caffeine addicted side!

He proceeds to slam into Zoomer, combining the two once more.

Z: ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM!  Well, I need to find coffee...better zoom off to find the others...WOOHOOO!!!!

Where are they? We'll see. That's up to the next writer, anyway.

Chapter 107 by Tenshimaru

Yes, I'm back. No I don't get paid any more. And yes, I hate my job...

T: Aww, quit griping.

*sigh* Okay. After searching for many days-

V: (whispering @ Narrator) I told you to say weeks.

-_-' I hate you...
How about this... Tenshimaru and Daodos, for no particular reason, begin to beat Vezquex mercilessly.

T: T_T I can't! It's like some higher power is making me do this!

YES! The power of narration compels you!

D: *#^%@!

O_O Such language!

B: You don't have a face! You can't do that!

Sure I can! ^_q

V: Hey! OW! That's copyrighted! OW! OW!
D: T_T Must... stop... peeling!

I take it back, I LOVE my job.
Tenshimaru and Daodos cease their torment of Vezquex, but Mikeagun is not satisfied!

M: Oh no you don't- HOMEROWED!!!
V: X_X
D: Vez?
V: X_X

He's dead! ^_^

aF: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's right! I have almighty power!

P: Hey, what's this do? *audio commentary off*

Mmph... mmph? MMMMMPPHHH!!!

P: Hah! We win!
Z: >_< Why is it always Pysko who finds these stupid solutions?
B: Woah! WTF? Where'd you come from?
Z: ^_^ Caffeine gives me ninja powers!

H: Vezquex comes back to life!

V: Ugh... Man, that is one time I don't mind the fact that he is completely anti-climactic...


Chapter 108 by zoomer


H: The narrator begins hitting himself mercilessly with a bucket.

Z: I has a bucket...NO! He be stealin' mai bucket! GIVE IT BACK! It's got my coffee in it!

Hmph....HMMMMPHHHH!!!!!!!!! >X(

H: It seems that the narrator has burned himself with the coffee that was incidently in the bucket.

Z: *Singing* The best part of burning stuff...is coffee in a bucket!

T: I'm pretty sure you got that wrong...

Z: Who really cares? I'm looking at the bright side of this. *Sips red bull*

D: Uh oh...Zoomer, please put the Red bull down. We don't want to have to track you down again...
M: What do you mean? He seems pretty calm.
D: Yeah, for now...but Red Bull...
H: Zoomer proceeds to sprout wings and fly around the team's heads.
D: ...gives you wings.

Hmm hmm hmm, hmm hmm hmmmm hmph! smile
H: Shut up! I'm narrating.


Chapter 109 by Tenshimaru

Okay. I'm back, under threat of muting, to my narrating duties...

Our fearless... how many of you are there? 8? ...right. The fearless octuplet (is that even a word?) continues on their quest for...

T: Uh... I don't think we actually have a quest.

So, you're not even going to give me any material? Fine. Our heroes are.

V: I guess that works...
B: Now we bring up the obvious question: What do we do?
Z: Something caffeine relat-
T: No.
Z: T_T
D: We could go hunt down some more zomboys...
V: Yeah, but if you think about it, every time we run into them, the world always seems to want to come to and end.
Pluto: I can't take this. I should just end it all.
P: Aww... It's okay, Pluto. I'm not a planet either.
T: I'm sure that's been copyrighted.
Pluto: T_T
V: We could petition the government to reinstate Pluto as a planet...
D: True, true...

In a bunker deep underground (known as hell...), Jack Thompson continues to scheme against violence in games everywhere.

JT: Hah! This plan is more brilliant than ever! With Pluto in a state of depression, I'll be able to convince it to commit planetary suicide, causing an imbalance in our solar system! Then, the system will tear itself apart in a violent reaction to the instability! Perfect!
Lackey #2: Uh... Mr. Thompson, sir?
JT: What?
Lackey #2: Our surveillance team just discovered something... They got a recording of those kid's conversation. It's regarding Pluto and...
JT: Let me see that! *puts in tape player*
Lackey #2: Heh... You use tape players?
JT: SHUT UP! *kick*
Lackey #2: >_< owowow...
JT: Now let's see...

...about it, every time we run into them, the world always seems to want to come to and end.
Pluto: I can't take this. I should just end it all.]
P: Aww... It's okay, Pluto. I'm not a planet either.
T: I'm sure that's been copyrighted.
Pluto: T_T
V: We could petition the government to reinstate Pluto as a planet...
D: True, true...
T: Sound like an plan. Let's...

JT: What? They're trying to foil my plans! I'll put a stop to this...

Our heroes find themselves unwittingly caught up in Jack Thompson's evil plan to destroy the solar system-

JT: Hmm... Why not the universe too?

Okay then... Anyway, what will our crusading gamers do now? I think you'll find out soon enough.

T: Wait. What plan is this we're talking about...?

Chapter 110 by Daodos

Jack Thompson's plan unfold in the penultimate encounter of fate! Planet or flying rock! You decide!


Chapter 111 by Tenshimaru

T: Argh! Stuck in limbo! Again!
V: I know... This always seems to happen.
T: Well, screw Dao. If he won't write it, then I will!

Reserved for Tenshi. Will complete in the next few days.

Chapter 112 by Daodos


A dark small black cage like room surrounds the gang. A cold breath on their neck they feel. A sinking feeling of despair not felt in years... What has happened?

D: What happened. Last I checked we were doing... Something or another with someone.
You were about to die. And in fact did die. Jack Thompson won. And your delay has caused the end of existence.
D: That is crazy. If I was dead I wouldn't be so hungry.
Your hungry because your fatter then ever since dieing

As realization set in the fellow crew awoke.

V: What the heck? What are we doing here? What evil could defeat someone as powerful as us! I mean are gods love us! Right!
A power over you stronger then anything possible has killed you. Writers block has taken your life.
T: But we were so close. We were going to finish! Whatever can we do!
Well being dead is not all bad. Haunting people is funny, and movies are free.  You guys were even awesome enough to meet me. Your omnipotent friend!
Z: Uh. Narrator? Your dead?

Of course I am dead for no however awesome I may have been death has claimed me as well. For you see. *Steps out of shadows* I AM THEODORE ROOSEVELT!
M: That was Franklin Roosevelt you idiot! *QUERTY*
D: X_X

TEDDY: a WAR HAS BEEN BREWING BETWEEN GOOD AND EVIL THROUGHOUT CENTURIES. And the only ones who got religion right was vikings. And only Brille is man enough to lead the undead army against evil.
B: Why me? I know I'm dashing. But General hotstuff dashing? ^_^
M: It's like Troy or Cleopatra. It takes someone proportionally dashing enough to lead an awesome army. what's more dashing then Vikings and Brille?
T: The child of Nathan Filllion and Bruce Cambell?
TEDDY: their already dead and fighting for us. So is Bruce Lee Sean Connery and most the bear population.
D: Dear god, it's an army of testosterone so vast Zoomer may actually hit puberty.

V: Who leads evil now though? Is it Stalin? Hitler? Or even Gwen Stefani?
TEDDY: No... It's Jack Thompson. And a zombie fanboy army.


D: And so, my friends and heroes have united as one. Guided by destiny and hunger. A battle for completeness and reality.
T: What's with the dramatic tone all of a sudden? I swear it used to be better when it was just prepubescent rantings and copying.
D: Sadly we grew up but hopefully we never grow out of those feelings we had back then.

Not to be continued...