Guide to Character Acting: Buddhist Monk

The Gear

Every character may be manipulating props during dialog. If you fumble or misuse them, you will look silly and force a retake. Therefore, you should become intimate with your gear.

Your favorite action figure is a short, plump figure, often golden or purple in color, known as Buddha. He loves to be polished with a 50/50 blend of whale and peanut oil. Do not be fooled by imposters posing as buddha statues.

The rake and its associated raking is of course used metaphorically on sand instead of leaves. This is explained by some sort of diatribe about the sand representing water and the grooves representing ripples or waves. But that isn't important right now; you need to focus on making pretty patterns in the sand. It gets tricky when you have to avoid stepping in the parts you've previously raked. Luckily, thanks to the wonders of modern technology, the full body shots of you raking can be spliced into your head shots, during which time you may trample to your hearts content. This can be quite funny because it forces the many prop attendants to scurry in between each take to rerake the sand.

Also, get comfortable with your robes. Make sure they are properly fitted: you'll want them medium loose, with 3-5 inches dragging on the floor. You may consider getting a tattoo of the kanji meaning something like "tranquility" or "pump the bass", preferably on your forehead or snaking around your arm. This is highly optional, as it may not be desired by the director, and it may be better to add this as makeup or as CG special effects.

Talk the Talk

Before you go into makeup, you need to memorize your lines. They will be nonsensical, but you must take this in stride, for this is crucial to your role. Practice these lines until you get a feel for the language:

You are everything, and everything is nothing, but not to everyone, for all things are non-existant in spite of their apparent existance, but like us they too are nothing to all things.

You must also come to know the great proverbs of your faith. This is actually quite easy, for these are just the Chinese equivalents of Southern US idioms e.g. "Yer redder 'n a pig wearin' blush!" -> "Much ashamed is the rabbit who pulls on monkey's tail twice."